Diabetes jokes
These past few months I’ve struggled to find my stance when it comes to people making jokes about my chronic disease. Previously, my attitude about it was fickle and directly related to how I was handling my diabetes at the time. For example, if I were to hear someone make the popular “diabetes in a cup joke” after a great week of blood sugar levels, a healthy diet, and consistent gym visits… I would likely let it roll off my back. However, if that comment came off the heels of a week with a scary low, or a week where I was tired of driving to doctor’s appointments, or a week where I’ve spent over $200 on my diabetes, I would take the joke to heart.
Why does it matter? If I decided it did bother me, I wanted to have an action plan in place. Would I confront them? Educate them? More importantly though, I wanted to understand how diabetes sits with me so that my friends and family can navigate it with me. It can significantly affect my relationships if one day it’s okay for my friends to joke about it and I laugh with them and the next day I react by getting frustrated or start crying in front them. I want to be constant in my mind-set for their benefit and make it easy for them to navigate my sensitivities.
Last week I went out to eat with my best co-worker friend to celebrate his birthday (happy birthday erik!) when the clarity I had been hunting for hit me. The waiter swung by to grab our drink order; erik ordered a beer and I ordered a diet coke with extra lime. Erik gave me a sarcastic surprised look and I attempted to joke to the waiter, “I like to keep my calories low while giving myself cancer.” It’s as if the words left my mouth and immediately swung around and slapped me in the face.
What. The. Fuck. Genna.
I was embarrassed for making an unhealthy decision and used obvious (and bad) humor to deflect my feelings. But what if someone who has cancer or has a loved one with cancer heard my comment? They would probably wonder how someone (me) could be so careless in throwing around a word that describes such a dark and indescribably painful place. As they watched me weightlessly throw that word around they would probably be recalling very heavy moments of fear and suffering. They would probably wonder why they were the ones who had to endure the disease, when someone else would willingly walk into an action knowing the possible outcome.
I will not pretend to know the horrors of cancer but I do know the horrors of invasive diseases. This makes it easy for me to give nothing but compassion and respect for someone who has been affected by these experiences. My thoughtless comment does not accurately reflect how I feel or who I am as a person. I hope that if I ever make an insensitive comment or joke like this one again, people around me give me the benefit of the doubt.
So from now on that is what I will do when I hear a joke about diabetes. I may not always laugh but… I will receive them with grace, understanding and patience.