DIABLOS 12 SEPT 17
He looked exactly like you - if you hadn't aged a day since I last saw you. It took me back. I felt young. I felt sick. I haven't seen you in almost ten years. At least in person. There was that one time when I finally felt okay enough, and I looked you up. You looked so happy. And for the first time, I acknowledged that I forgave you. It was a big deal.
I dreamt about you a few nights ago. I didn't mean to, it just happened. You spoke to me the same way you did ten years ago. It was soft, it was comforting, it was dangerous. You were always begging for something, even if not directly. But then again, so was I. And I guess, now, I'm sorry for that.
I hope that wasn't you, sitting the way you always sat. Wearing your hat the way you always did. Making me feel the way you always did. But I hope it was you. Selfishly. Not because I want you. Not because I want what we had. Because I want to feel young again. Because I want to be young again. I guess I'm sorry for that too.
