I saw a new psych today. Does meds and therapy. I like her, I think. She listened to me tell her my life story for 2.5 hours and didn't dismiss any of it. She actually said that it sounded rough, which was surprisingly welcoming to hear.
I even told her about that span of 5-6 years when "there were other people in my head that didn't quite take over but could help me in crisis and other parts of myself that were compartmentalized and some times had control" and how I missed it and it kind of messed me up when the med switch bulldozed my neat little house of cards. And she said "no, that makes perfect sense" which was like way way better than anything I could have hoped for?
But like. When I mentioned that Autism Spectrum was something on my "question mark" list, she just kind of waved it off and was like "you're not autistic" like it was super obvious. And I guess... that confuses me? Especially because she was super on point and kind and down to earth and all that with everything else.
But more because she seemed to totally get that I have sensory issues - like she used the word sensory issues, and even talked about some of my sensory seeking as such and mention seeking pressure and things, and sensory to light and sound as such. And she way me stimming with my shirt, and I showed her how I flap my hands around when I get happy in the context of how I watch tv. She thinks I should be tested for dyslexia and dyscalculia and screened for executive function. I mean, I didn't mention the whole "since I was a kid I would order things for no reason" until later but. We spent a long time on the social phobia thing and the "some days my brain just doesn't work". But the mere suggesting that I might be autistic gets dismissed like its silly?Maybe I have been just really confused the whole time and don't understand what autism means?Is it that I can do glancing eye contact a lot of the time?? that I am pretty okay at words most of the time? Is there some part of autism that I have been missing?BLAH. this is all just really confusing. If it is just really that obvious then... why is it so relatable?I am tagging this so maybe people can maybe give me answers, but like, clearly not actuallyautistic in that i am kind of the opposite of diagnosed right now?