#dilfworth

[m1lky-joe]

Realistic(ish) oldman Edgeworth (not to proud of this tbh)

[bunnytoes]

just edgeworth being pretty

[skinks]

Wentworth. Timothy Oliphant. Thoughts??

dude I know you sent this back in approximately february and I know we’ve since discussed Alan Alda as a possible Dilfworth candidate, but I’m officially back on board for this. Ok. Ok listen—

When you first suggested this I was of the opinion that Olyphant was just too hot to be Wentworth. It didn’t seem feasible. HE doesn’t seem feasible, like, as a human being, but I’ve been thinking - isn’t that what makes the concept of Dilfworth even funnier? That he’s just some random Maine dentist who looks like Timothy Olyphant?

Put that together with the fact that his jaw is almost equally square as Bill Hader’s and we are BACK. IN. BUSINESS. I’ve been marathoning Santa Clarita Diet and really, the mild-mannered pussy-eating DILF energy is at an all time high. He’s got the glasses. He’s got the thing Bill does in Barry (where his height is listed as 6’1 but everyone says Barry is 6’2) where Olyphant’s height is supposedly 6’0 but he says he’s 6’1 in the show. If he’s Dilfworth, the bigness runs in the family. Richie growing an inch taller than his already tall dad??? I’ve never been more thrilled.

Most importantly - THE SPREADER-BAR SHOULDERS ARE GENETIC. THIS MAN CAN AND DOES ARM-WRESTLE HIS 13YO SON AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE AND NEVER LETS HIM WIN. THIS IS A DENTIST THE CITIZENS OF DERRY ARE MORE THAN HAPPY TO OPEN WIDE FOR

[skinks]

I feel like a stalker I keep checking your blog for more dilfworth content 😭

Dilfworth thoughts of the day: he carries baby Richie around in one of those front carrier things to give Maggie breaks, like a backpack but for the front? Calls him his little Kangarichieroo. Boing boing boing, who’s my bouncy boy.

It’s Richie’s first summer and Went is anxiously shielding his little head from the sun.

He puts his own Wayfarers on Richie’s too small nose and takes a ye olde selfie of them both for Maggie with a Polaroid camera, and it’s July 1976 so you KNOW Went’s wearing little shorts as he flaps the photo to fan Richie a little cooler. 27 leggy years old and laughing at his son trying to grab it...... all the Derry mothers who came in their sexiest clothes to the park that day because they know Dr Tozier has Thursday afternoons off are like god. Jesus. God help us. Is that a hickey? I feel faint

He comes to 2nd grade school sports day and grins and shrugs when Richie’s upset that he got too excited and his egg fell off his spoon.

“Don’t need to win at egg and spoon races to get anywhere in life, son,” he says, and then does the thing where you cup your fingers into a ball and pretend to crack them on someone’s head, make-believe finger-yolk dripping through Richie’s messy hair until he stops pouting and laughs. “Can’t make an omelet with un-cracked eggs, huh? Actually, go collect your mess, I think Mom’s hungry for some brunch. Mind the bits of grass.”

Then he puts his arm around Maggie’s shoulders and she puts hers around his waist, and nobody sees her briefly cup his skinny ass except the group of Derry mothers who wore their sexiest clothes to the sports day because Dr Tozier had proudly told them all he was gonna be there, and they’re like fuck. Jesus. Did you see him hold the back of her neck there for a moment? I feel faint

[skinks]

Okay, hear me out. Eddie “dead daddy issues” Kaspbrak would totally have a crush on Went. I mean, he’s his best friend’s dad, with this crazy hot face and perfect body and is so so kind. So obviously poor closeted 16 year old Eddie is so head over heels for Went, and Went knows this (as Eddie isn’t subtle at all) but doesn’t confront him about it bc he doesn’t want to embarrass Eddie or ruin his friendship with Richie.

aw man, similar to that last ask I like to think maybe his crush is just more about Went filling this “friendly father figure” role where Eddie doesn’t have one, but he’s a teenager and gets his wires crossed

Went totally knows, but he and Maggie just agree to keep being nice to him and encourage Richie’s friendship with him, because Eddie laughs at Richie’s jokes and Richie seems to be able to work off some of his hyper energy whenever he hangs out with Eddie. Then when adult Richie brings Eddie home for the first time to meet them again Went’s like well, we all saw this coming didn’t we, Ed!

and Eddie has flashbacks to the time he was given gas for getting a tooth pulled out and gave Wentworth a hug whilst high and he’s like actually y’know what, kill me

[skinks]

speaking as someone who has dead daddy issues, i can confirm that when you’re a child/teen you (or at least i did) find yourself thinking “i have a crush on all my friends fathers” only to realize “oh wait it wasn’t a crush at all, ew, i just have a deep need to replace the fatherly role in my life and i didn’t understand that’s what was happening so i just assumed it was a crush” and i can totally see eddie latching onto went and not understanding his own feelings of loss and yearning for a dad

ah, I’m glad I wasn’t just talking out my ass about that then, thank you

and yeah, Eddie’s already so wound up about his own emotions in the book, it’s like he can hardly bear to look at himself he’s so terrified of what he might see. Can you IMAGINE the turmoil the poor lad would go through if he’s not only feeling weird around Richie but around Richie’s dad? He’d never look at it long enough to realise there’s a difference between wanting to kiss your best friend and wanting your best friend’s dad to joke with you and tell you you did a far better job than Richie of mowing the lawn, well done sport

plus there’s probably a conflation between adult men and danger in Eddie’s head. His dead father, the hobo, the Trackers that Sonia declares must be gay and Eddie “hadn’t dared” to ask for clarification, all the bigger boys who bully him, etc etc. So then Went comes along and he’s all smiles and gentle hands that never hurt even when Eddie’s getting a tooth pulled and he’s like WHAT IS THIS... ITS NEW... TERRIFYING... and Richie’s like it’s my dad dude. He snores five minutes after he sits in literally any chair

[skinks]

ok but. wentworth was ABSOLUTELY poor 14 year old eddie’s gay awakening and he doesn’t admit that until richie and his’s wedding night bc he’s SO embarrassed about it. poor kid just walked into the toziers house one day and saw wents gray hair and nice biceps and was like “wait fuck maybe i like men”

ok this is hilarious because a few days before I even wrote that wentworth fic, I was thinking about stuff for another post-ch2 thing I wanna write from Eddie’s pov. there was going to be a part where Eddie’s y’know, grappling with Feelings for Richie and they’re talking about Richie’s parents and Eddie’s thinking about how similar Richie looks to how Eddie remembers Went, then has a total moment of horror because he thinks Richie’s hot—which means he also thinks WENTWORTH IS—

and Eddie’s like grossed out at himself. That’s Richie’s DAD, EW

poor 14yo Eddie already struggling with admiring Richie and then one day Went calls him “chief” and claps him on the shoulder so firm it kinda knocks him forward and Eddie’s like oh god. Maybe I’m just Toziersexual. But he can chat to Maggie without turning bright red and ducking his head so Who Knows What The Mystery Could Be. Eddie like, desperately tries to avoid going to the dentist after that but he’s also extremely concerned about oral hygiene so it’s a lose-lose situation and Richie’s just hit a growth spurt and is almost as tall as his dad and everything is just TERRIBLE for a few months until his Went crush subsides. But please can he find a better time to admit all this to Richie than their wedding night like I CANNOT think of a more effective mood killer

[skinks]

omg speaking of eddie recognizing went as a dilf I have a friend who has a hot dad and none of us say anything cuz we don’t want her to feel weird but it’s all common knowledge that we know and this about so I imagine tween eddie (already aware of his attraction/feelings for richie” and looking at went like 👀👀👀👀👀 but never saying anything lol

oh god yeah absolutely, Eddie would never let Richie find out. I can’t imagine how awkward and weird it would feel to know all my friends were into my dad, are you kidding?

Eventually Eddie might spill the embarrassed beans at night when he and Richie are snuggled up on the couch bed in the Tozier’s’ basement when they come for their second Thanksgiving as adults. The next morning Went’s like “You boys sleep alright down there?” and Richie’s like “we slept FINE, WENTWORTH, jesus, back off!!!” and huffily spills cranberry sauce into Went’s lap on purpose. Eddie’s like “I fucking knew it was a mistake to tell you that, you giant baby”