A Girl Named Man
AO3 Link here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27404203/chapters/66978391
I’m really excited to present to you my newest work of fiction, based on the early access version of Baldur’s Gate 3. I’ve been playing D&D for about 6 years, and after buying this game for my spouse, I fell in love with it. And I’ve had so many ideas. So, here they are! Explicit, as always. Word count: over 4k. A jolt of lightning shot up my spine as it connected with the beach. Splayed out on the ground, I barely registered the debris thudding all around me. Indeed, the only thumping I registered was the not so steady rhythm of my heart in my chest and ears. By some miracle of the gods, I was alive. And mostly unhurt. I could wiggle my toes. I could grab handfuls of sand. I could breathe, though my lungs were on fire. I lied there gasping for air, eyes staring wildly into the vivid blue sky.
The kind of blue that was too blue to be real. The kind that made your eyes ache.
Eyes. I covered my own with the heels of my hands, pressing into my skull. As if that would crush the mindflayer spawn lurking in my head. My cheek thrummed at the pressure and I tenderly reached out to feel where the rock had hit me.
Swollen, I thought as I prodded the cheek, but not broken. One less thing to deal with.
I let out a shaky breath, followed by a half-hysterical laugh. This was fine. Completely fine. Who cared about the mindflayer parasite in my brain? I was alive. Here on the banks of the Chionthar, I hoped. Alive with a tadpole in my brain.
Another laugh escaped me and I clapped my hand over my mouth.
“It’s okay, Dir,” I whispered to myself, my hot breath flitting over my face, “you’re alive. In one piece. You need to get up and function.”
Words I had told myself every day for the past thirteen years. Why would today be any different?
It was tempting to just lie here, in the warm sun and let go. So easy to just let myself drift away. If I rolled over, I could be in the river and it wouldn’t take long at all. And then I would see Jamie again.
But it was for Jamie that I had to go on. That was what got me out of bed in the morning. The idea that I was wasting away my life, when he couldn’t live his. And that is what gave me the resolve to push myself up into a sitting position. My love for him.
The hilt of my longsword poked me in the side. At least I hadn’t lost that. I had lost everything else, including my spellbook and the locket given to me by Aislinn. I rubbed my hands up and down my arms, feeling naked and vulnerable. Like I was being watched. Aislinn was going to murder me.
I couldn’t think about that just yet. I needed to gather my wits about me, figure out where I was. I skimmed my fingers over the hilt as I surveyed the immediate area, taking note of the rocky wall behind me, the river to my right and the remains of the ship, flaming hot, a few yards away, half in the water and several dead bodies spread along the beach.
I rose to my feet, brushing the sand from my legs and fluffing it out of my hair. Great, I’d be emptying sand from every crevice of my body for the next month. As much as I wanted to push forward, the dead bodies gave me pause. I’d seen plenty of the dead laying in gentle repose, but never like this. Never seen them with their unseeing eyes staring up at the sky, their mouths agape and jaws twisted. Had never seen limbs form into such jagged lines. The terrible thought of Jamie laying this way made me physically recoil. It was a visceral, horrifying sight. I closed my eyes, the better to block out that horrible image. It was enough to make me want to cry.
Despite the carnage on the beach, and the horror in my mind, my stomach growled and gurgled. I couldn’t remember the last time I ate. Certainly not on the ship.
It was the hunger that forced one foot in front of the other, until I found myself on my knees next to one of the dead bodies. I hesitated, but only for a moment. It was just a dead body. Nothing more. Nor did he have need for anything on his person.
I fished out a few gold coins, some line, a small vial of some sort. No food. I pocketed the coins and the vial and moved to the next body. More coins, more line, bait, a dagger. And an apple. I gasped and then looked over my shoulder. Nothing there.
It was a nasty, bruised apple, the kind I would have turned my nose up at had it been served to me. But gods be damned, it was the best damned apple I’d ever eaten. I ate it all the way down to the core, the juices dripping down my chin. One belch and a sigh of relief later I tossed the remainder of the apple into the river. I glanced back over my shoulder again, a wave of guilt coursing through me.
They were dead and I was alive. Though if I didn’t find a healer, I was royally fucked. And unless I had supplies, I would not be able to find a healer. This was not the time to contemplate the morals of supposedly robbing dead men. Not when I was so close to death myself. Or rather, a death of the self. The thing I was infected with would turn me into a mindflayer. An ugly, gray tentacled mind flayer. With no mind of my own, no action of my own. I reached for my locket. Still gone. I let my arm flop uselessly to my side and blew the stray strands of hair from my face. Standing here was getting me nowhere, and fast.
I pushed onward, clutching the rocky wall as I carefully stepped around the dead bodies of three young men. They must have been fishing at the time of the crash. Bad luck.
Though, I wondered what killed them. I stopped and turned back to look at them with a frown on my face. There was no debris around. That was…odd. I squatted down and examined the face of an elf, staring at the big lash across his neck. It wasn’t a knifes doing, though. A knife didn’t make singe marks in the wound. And a knife that deep in the throat would mean more blood. The wound was cauterized. What?
Looking about, I saw no one save the bodies and the only footprints I could make out were my own and theirs. The beach was eerily quiet save for sounds of water. I was alone, and yet I felt watched, by someone, something.
I stood up and shook my head. Aislinn’s paranoia was getting to me now.
Whatever killed those men were long since gone.
I went to reach for the locket again and cursed when I remembered I still didn’t have it. I needed to stop faffing around and get going.
I left the three dead sailors behind.After an hour of walking and glancing back over my shoulder, I came across a tall, raven haired woman, standing at what looked to be an entrance of a temple. Littered all around her were the bodies of those brain…things.
She swung her bloodied mace, hitting the door repeatedly, but it wouldn’t budge. “Blasted door!”
I strode towards her before hesitating. I’d just assumed she was friendly. There was no guarantee. I lay my hand on the hilt of the sword, just in case, and cleared my throat.
She whirled around, green eyes staring wildly as she leveled her mace at me.
“Stop! Not another step or I’ll…”
The anger melted from her face, replaced with recognition. “Wait…it’s you. You tried to save me on the ship. At least, you made the effort.”
It was her, the half-elven woman I’d found on the ship. Some of the tension left my body and I took a step towards her. My head began to pound, stopping me in my tracks. From far away, she cried out and our minds touched. I felt her anger, her resolve and her gratitude.
It was over just as soon as it had begun and it left me reeling.
“What the bloody hells? It must be the mind flayer tadpole. It connected us somehow.”
I rubbed my temples. “We need a healer.”
She nodded and gestured to the door behind us. “Been trying to get through for the past hour. But I’ve barely made a dent in it so far.”
I stepped back to take in the door. Whatever the temple was, it was built directly into the rocky cliffs. With a closer look, I decided that it probably wasn’t the front of the temple at all, but a secondary entry.
“There’s probably another way in.”
“That’s what I was thinking. Up the cliff there,” she waved her mace towards the cliff. “Though, I don’t know if we’ll find a healer there. Or anywhere in this wilderness.”
“All we can do is try,” I said, eyeing the path. I could see smoke curling up the end of the pathway. More parts of the ship. Lovely.
“You can call me Shadowheart.”
Shadowheart? Well, I wasn’t the one to judge names. I licked my lips and regarded her for a moment. If I told her my name, I knew exactly what words would come out of her mouth. Ah, well, I’d heard worse, and from people better loved than her.
“I’m Dir. Shall we head on?”
Shadowheart did not disappoint. “Dir? As in the elven word for man?”
I wanted to roll my eyes at her. Instead I plastered what I hoped to be a serene smile on my face. “Yes.”
“Your parents must have hated you,” she said with a small smirk as she lead the way up the path.
I followed, climbing the steep slope. “My parents wanted a boy. By the time I was born, my mother was rather stuck on the name.”
“Even for a boy that name is…odd. A human boy called man. Unless, it’s short for something. Is it?”
“Yes.” But I wasn’t going to give her even more ammunition.
She paused, one foot hovering above the entrance to the ship and half turned towards me. Poised and waiting. I knew better than to engage.
Instead I stopped short and took in the mass of writhing purple in front of me.
Shadowheart’s gaze followed mine back to the ship. It didn’t look nearly as elegant laying in pieces on the ground, a flaming mass of former glory. My stomach lurched, the apple nearly making a reappearance.
“Not so impressive now, are you?” Shadowheart practically snarled, echoing my sentiments.
We marveled at the havoc and wreakage around us and an unearthly cry filled the former helm. The hairs on my arms stood up and my toes curled in their boots. I clasped the hilt of the sword strapped to my hip, drawing it slowly with silent intent.
Shadowheart lifted her shield and gripped her mace. “There!”
An intellect devourer. A walking abomination of a former brain. They had been on the ship. They were the ones calling for me to release them. They had been the ones to kill those sailors.
“Stay back, one strike could be lethal,” Shadowheart said to me over her shoulder as she inched forward, mace at the ready.
To my left another one came from the shadows. A third screamed from above and landed on the flooring between myself and Shadowheart.
With another piercing shriek the three devourers moved in unison. Two towards Shadowheart and one towards me.
I adjusted the grip on my sword and waited for it to come into range before slicing through the meat of the brain. The little faux tentacles on the side swiped at me as I danced out of their reach. The air crackled as they whizzed by. Shit. Too close.
It skidded to a stop and turned to face me again and again, I waited for it to rush to me before making my move. As I thrust the sword into the brain, it wrapped its tentacle around my wrist and I roared in pain. I swung my arm around until it slipped from my wrist and went flying.
It hit the side of the ship with a splat and slid to the floor in a vicious, slick red puddle on the ground. It moved no more.
I held my wrist with my good hand and turned to Shadowheart, who was pulverizing one of the brains while the other smacked into her shield.
Pushing the pain from my mind, I came up behind the other and struck it right in its rear. It gave a blood curdling cry and danced at the end of my sword before collapsing on the deck.
Just when I’d thought I’d seen enough combat. I stood, looming over the dead devourers, and gave my head a shake. Monstrosities.
A sharp pain in my wrist brought me back to the present. I peeled the sleeve of my tunic back and grimaced at the angry, red slice. It had the same crisp edges as did the dead elf’s face, though it wasn’t as deep. Still hurt like a bitch.
I sheathed my sword and sat down upon one of the lopsided stairs. From a cursory glance, it looked like we were in half of the helm of the ship. I didn’t want to spend another godsdamned moment in there, but I needed desperately to catch my breath.
Shadowheart turned toward me, a victorious smirk on her face.“Well, you fight quite well. It seems our survival may not be such a distant prospect afterall.” Her eyes flitted to my wrist and the smirk disappeared. “You’re hurt.”
“Yes. It would seem so.”
As she reached into the bag on her hip, she walked over to me. She pulled out a large bandage and began to wind it around my wrist. When she was done and had tied it off, she whispered. “Take cure.”
The magic settled into my wrist, knitting the skin back together. The pain had already lessened by a considerable degree.
She stood up again and nodded. “It will be good as new in the morning…If we even have that long.”
I pushed myself up to my feet. “Let’s get moving. We don’t know how long it will take.”
“Agreed.”
We skirted through the helm, past the dead bodies of thralls that had been previously hidden, and past the body of a mind flayer.
Shadowheart stopped and spat on him. “Monster.”
“Monster’s too good a word for it.” I said, cupping her elbow. With a little tug, I said, “Come. Pissily staring at it won’t get us any closer to a cure.”
“You’re right,” she sighed and allowed me to guide her out of the ship and onto an unfamiliar patch of sand.
I tilted my head back, shading my eyes from the sun. Too much foliage and fiery wreckage, prevented me from seeing anymore of the temple. We’d just have to keep climb upward and hope we were going in the right direction.
I shrugged back at Shadowheart.
“Something the matter?”
“No, just looks like it’s a longer walk than we first anticipated. Hope we make it before nightfall.”
“You have got to be kidding me. Come on,” she said as she rolled her neck and shoulders. “This is ridiculous.”
“Welcome to, uh, wherever we are.” A pathetic attempt at a joke, but Shadowheart half-smiled at me anyway.
“Well you know---"
“Help! You! Help me!” A voice cried from the brush.
Shadowheart and I exchanged quizzical looks.
“Please, I need help,” the voice insisted.
“I’ll go,” I said with my hand on the hilt of my sword. She grabbed my arm. “We don’t know if they’re friend or foe.”
While she was right, she could also be very wrong. I smiled blandly at her. “I didn’t know that about you either and yet, here we are.”
She threw her hands up. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
I headed toward the voice. “Promise, I won’t.”
A tall, white haired elf stepped directly in my path. He had a handsome face and windswept curly hair, nearly as white as snow. His dark eyes darted between me and the brush as he pointed.
“There! Do you see it? It’s just there, I had it cornered just now. Can you kill it? Like the rest of them.”
I sized him up; he was no small elf, tall and thick in stature, with a handsome, haughty face, angular in nature. And red eyes. I squinted. That couldn’t be right. No, they weren’t red, just a rusty brown…
I glanced over. “Where is it?”
“There, just there! Can’t you see it?” His voice very nearly sounded desperate.
“Don’t worry, I’ve got it.” I drew my sword and stepped closer just as a boar jumped from the brush, causing me to jerk back in surprise.
Right into the waiting arms of the elf.
The cold bite of a dagger bit into my throat as his other hand gripped my aching wrist and my sword fell with a clang into the dirt. All while whispering, “Shh, shh,” in my ear.
Behind me Shadowheart roared. “I TOLD you! Let her go!”
The elf ignored her and his breath tickled my ear. “Now, you were on the ship, were you not? Just nod, like a good girl.”
As much as I wanted to remain calm, this was just too damned much. A pounding formed under the skin of the wound and there was a rock jutting into the middle of my back. I was fucking done with the day. Done.
I wriggled into him, taking him by surprise and leaving a trickle of blood at my throat as I slammed the crown of my head into his chin full force. Just as Aislinn taught me. I could almost hear the glee in her voice, telling me every inch of the body was a weapon.
He rolled back, roaring and I scrambled to get up just as Shadowheart ran over, her mace poised for attack. I stomped my heel on his wrist, twisting. He let go of the dagger and I gestured with my head for her to pick it up.
As soon as she grabbed the dagger, I moved my foot off his wrist and stepped back, allowing him to scrabble to his feet.
His handsome face was twisted into a red, wet angry mess of features. “How dare---arrgh!” He gripped his head between his hands.
My head throbbed as visions flashed before my eyes. The streets of Baldur’s Gate. Dark, but busy.
What the fuck? First the githyanki woman on the ship, then Shadowheart, now this elf too. I splayed my hands on my knees, panting as I stared up at him.
He stared back at me. “They put one of those brain things in you too. I felt it.”
I said nothing, observing him. The way his dark eyes flitted back and forth, searching my face.
He lifted his bruising chin at me. “And to think I was ready to decorate the beach with your innards. My apologies.”
I regarded him for a moment and stood up, giving him a curt nod. “Accepted.”
He smiled. “I am Astarion.”
Sigh. Here we go again. “I’m Dir.”
His light brows shot up. “Dir? As in, man?”
Did people think they were clever for pointing that out?
“Yes. And now, we’re in desperate need of a healer. You’re welcome to join us.”
“Are you insane?” Shadowheart hissed behind me. “He just tried to kill you!”
“There is safety in numbers. And it seems he has our problem.” I tapped my finger against my temple.
She sighed. “I suppose you’re right.”
The elf grinned and bowed with a flourish of his arms. “Well, then, lead on.”
Lead on? Both Shadowheart and Astarion were both looking at me expectantly. I pretended not to see them as I readjusted my belt and went after my sword. This was insanity. I covered my mouth to prevent another giggle escaping.
“You alright there?”
“Yep, just a sneeze,” I said, pinching my nose as I slid my sword back into the scabbard. “Let’s go.”
“So, do either of you know the consequences of our little parasite?” Astarion drawled as we climbed further.
“Yes,” said Shadowheart. “It will turn us into mind flayers.”
Astarion laughed.
I whirled around and whispered, “Shh! Don’t draw attention to us.”
“Sorry, it’s just….of course it will turn me into a monster. What else did I expect?”
I peered him. He focused down on the soft white sand beneath our feet. His lips pursed into almost a pout. There was a sad, despairing look about him. The urge to comfort him was strong, but he didn’t look like the type of man who would appreciate a kind word and a soft touch from a stranger. He turned his face to the sun, eyes closed and inhaled deeply.
“I suppose we should get moving,” he muttered.
“Yeah, we should.”
“That’s curious,” said Shadowheart.
She pointed at a shimmering rune etched on the rocky wall. I jogged down the slope with Astarion on my heels. I traced my fingertips down the intricate lines. A transport rune. The stone was hot under my hands, yet left me cold and empty. The weave was barely reacting to my touch, leaving an ache in my heart.
“I see you’re alive and well!” An unfamiliar voice said.
Damn. I was meeting all sorts of new people today. I stood and turned towards his voice.
His voice was friendly enough, as was his face, save for the furrowed brow. But, he was more thoughtful than scornful. His brown eyes examined my face closer and his bearded mouth split into a grin, revealing straight white teeth.
“Where the bloody hells did you come from?” Shadowheart cried.
“Netherese rune,” the man said, patting the rune. “Simply viscous with magic. One little touch and now, well, here I am.”
The man turned his smile to me. “Last I saw you, you were laying in a crucibles worth of blood, an intellect devourer nibbling at your ear. Glad to see that my eyes deceived me. I’m Gale. Well met.”
I bowed my head to him. “Well met. These are my companions--”
“I’m Shadowheart.”
“Astarion. I take it you too, were on the ship?”
“That I was. A traumatic as well as instructive experience.” Gale replied, his palms together.
Shadowheart snorted and Astarion laughed aloud.
“An instructive experience? Hardly. Traumatic, yes, I’d say so,” Astarion drawled. “But tell me, Gale, were you also infected with our little…friend?”
“Indeed, I was. Are you aware that after a period of excruciating gestation it will turn us into mind flayers? A process known as ceremorphosis. It is to be avoided,” Gale said with a scowl.
I let my face curl into a half-smile. “Well, yes, I’d agree there.”
He looked between the three of us. “I take it none of you are wizards?”
“No, we are not,” Shadowheart sniffed. “Why?”
“Pity,” Gale said, seemingly to himself. He peered at me with a frown. “I sense a gust of weave coming from you, but I’m in need of more of a tempst.”
I lifted my brows in response, but said nothing. His eyes met mine for a brief moment.
He sighed. “Nevermind that. Our first priority is a healer. I don’t suppose any of you are accomplished healers?”
Crossing my arms over my chest I shook my head.
“That would also be a no,” Astarion replied.
“Hmm. Well, we need a healer, and fast. I’m not sure where we’re going to find one in this wilderness.” He rubbed his chin as he stared at the rune over my head. After a moment he clapped his hands together. “Why don’t we embark on this quest for a healer together?”
Astarion and Shadowheart were both oddly quiet and staring at me. I stepped forward, arms still crossed, regarding Gale. It was clear the man was intelligent.
Slightly full of himself, but entirely capable. Of course, I was going to say yes, but not before I pretended to think it over.
“Alright,” I said, clearing my throat. “That sounds like a plan.”
Gale flashed his white teeth again. “Excellent! But before we’re off, I didn’t quite catch your name. And by didn’t catch it, I mean, you didn’t mention it.”
Here we go. I licked my dried lips. “I’m Dir.”
He inclined his head. “Well met, Dir. And, without further ado, let us be off!”
He gave no inclination of knowing the meaning of my name. Indeed, a learned man such as himself, would be apt to know the meaning. I smiled at him, a little grateful.
We pushed further up the cliff. Due to the sheer amount of debris and fallen earth, it took a few hours more than we’d originally anticipated. By the time the ancient ruins came into sight, the sun was settling low in the sky.
I put my hands on my hips. “We should stop and make camp soon.”
“Every moment we aren’t looking for a healer, is a closer moment towards death,” Shadowheart hissed.
“We need rest. Rushing won’t get us anywhere but into a load of trouble. Not to mention,” I pulled back my sleeve, pulling down the wrappings. Shadowheart inhaled sharply. The skin on my wrist was half-healed, an angry, throbbing red. “I’m of no use to anyone now with my wrist like this.”
Gale leaned in close to examine my wrist. “Intellect devourer got you?”
“Yes.”
He waited for me to say more. When I didn’t he began to turn my wrist over in his hand.
“Oh, don’t mind her,” Astarion said. “She’s the strong silent type.”
“Indeed,” Gale said, his eyes sparkling as he wrapped up my wrist again, taking care not to wrap too tightly or too loosely. “Too bad we’re not back at my tower. I probably would have a soothing salve for this.”
I allowed myself a smile. “I’m fine. We all need the rest. We’ll be of no use to each other, exhausted and hungry.”
Shadowheart opened her mouth as if she wanted to argue, but then thought better of it. “Fine. But we need to be up at first light.”
I nodded. “Agreed.”