#disabled!sam

[queer-as-in]

dear santa,

I'd just really like it if Sam had permanent sa injuries please. pelvic pain so bad that sex of any kind is excruciating and even hunger or gas or getting hard feel like being ripped apart. nerve damage that radiates. difficulty controlling his bladder that's made worse because of brain damage

and of course flashbacks and night terrors and panic attacks that feel like he's about to die

also wincest where Dean is mostly understanding and gentle and really tries. helps Sam with pelvic pt exercises and brings him a heating pad and makes sure his anxiety meds are refilled. but also regularly coerces Sam into letting him hit when they both know Sam will barely be able to walk after. for days. and occasionally slaps the shit out of him for resisting

I promise I've been very good this year and definitely deserve this, but not as much as Sam deserves only the best highest quality whump. merry crisis ho ho ho

[wincestybitch]

Happy Wincest Wednesday!

I have realized I'm a little silly. I've been sitting here for ages saying that we need more SPN fics with physical disability in them, like, Jesus is there a serious lack of that... and yet at no point have i asked you all to contribute. So, that's what I'm soliciting this week. Disability headcanons. Both stuff they could feasibly have in canon (hearing loss Dean my beloved), and the completely divergent AUs you may have in your head. Just not mental illness/neurodivergence because a) we have loads of that, let's spread the focus to other stuff, and b) i already asked about that not that long ago.

- @schizosamwincester

I have literally so many thoughts on disability, especially regarding Sam. Thank you sm for asking me this.

Sam definitely is canonically a sufferer of chronic pain. We start with seeing his chronic migraines in season 1. Even though his migraines are caused by his psychic abilities, it’s still chronic pain. And anyone who’s had a migraine knows how that shit feels.

Sam in later seasons has chronic pain during and after the trials. I believe he also develops chronic fatigue syndrome around this time.

“I just feel like my battery can’t recharge,” He says after literally falling asleep at the breakfast table. All my chronically ill besties have been there.

Sometimes I headcanon that Sam has Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. His joints are always aching and popping in and out of place. His wounds take longer to heal. He’s constantly aching.

Also I like the idea of Sam having kidney disease because I have kidney disease and I like to project all my issues onto him. Sam doesn’t find out about his chronic kidney disease till he’s already stage 3b. He’d been ignoring the dark urine and flank pain for a long time (he figured he was just dehydrated, he didn’t think it was a big deal) but when Dean noticed his legs swelling up, he insisted on taking him to the doctor. Unfortunately, it progresses fast and Sam’s on dialysis and Dean punches a wall when he finds out he’s not a match as a kidney donor. 😈

Oooh! What if Sam had cyclic vomiting syndrome? Just every few weeks or months, he has a horrible bout of nausea where he’s vomiting his guts out for days and Dean just thinks he’s hungover or it’s food poisoning and gaslights Sam about it!! Or maybe it started as a teen and his dad thought he made himself sick on purpose to avoid going on hunts or training so John would make him train through the sickness anyway and Sam’s just woozy, barely able to point his gun at the bottle before he hurls in the dirt and John mutters something about how he shouldn’t have made himself sick and it pisses Sam off because he has no idea why he can’t stop vomiting every few weeks with seemingly no trigger.

I read this one fic that changed my brain chemistry forever and I haven’t been able to find it since reading it as a teen so if you know which fic I’m talking about, please send it my way. I think it was on fanfiction.net. Anyways, teenage Sam gets kidnapped by organ harvesters and they take his corneas and one of his kidneys and when Dean finds him chained up in his cell, he learns that Sam is blind and they have to deal with that after his rescue and it’s pretty awesome. I love blind Sam fics so very much. 😍😍😍

I also love any fic where Sam lands himself in a wheelchair. Ambulatory or full time. I just love it.

Dean, on the other hand strikes me as more of an IBS guy. Guy has GERD and chronic hemorrhoids. He lives on Tums and Pepto Bismol. He’s had ulcers, hernias, and refuses to get a colonoscopy even though he needs one.

I’m also into Dean losing a limb. Although I love me some good Samputation as well. I once wrote a 127 hours type fic about Sam. It was great. I should edit it so I can post it sometime. I messed up the tense like halfway through so I refuse to post it until that’s fixed.

To finish off, allow me to leave you with a few fics off the top of my head:

Sam gets terminal lung diagnosis after being tortured for a while

Teenage Samputation

One of the most grueling sick Sam fics and an all time fave

Sam suffers severe brain damage after the crash at the end of season 1 and Dean takes care of him.

For some reason I can’t find the blind Sam fics or the ao3 disabled Sam fics I thought I’d saved but there are more out there. But not enough. I need mooooore disabled Winchesters (but mostly Sam).

As someone who is disabled and a chronic pain sufferer and suffers from a lot of the conditions I spoke about above, I love giving my pain to Sam. It helps me detach from my pain and see my favorite character being strong and facing it and having tough days and still continuing to fight. It’s really healing to me. 💕

Edit: I know you asked specifically about disability and I wandered into chronic pain and chronic conditions but honestly a lot of those chronic conditions are pretty disabling so I figured it counts, lol. It’s just such a rich area. I do love to see those boys suffer.

[foolscapper]

First Steps - SPN Fanfic

Summary: Sam has had a messed up leg from the day he's born. Turns out, not much changes. (A mild S1-S5 AU.)

Posted to archiveofourown HERE.

Technically a very old fanfic that has been mildly spruced up, but check it out. ♥

[queer-as-in]

Sam with permanent SA injuries is so crazy…constant pelvic floor pain and genital damage compounded with the mental anguish. I think knowing his body has been permanently changed without his consent would mess him up bad, but Sam doesn’t have the best track record for bodily autonomy in the show anyway.

this is all I want for christmas

it would kill Sam, especially if he went from having a "normal" body to being ruineddamageddisabled and dependent on Dean overnight. especially especially if it was early seasons (sayyyyyy if he was gangraped by the Benders)

the soft tissue injuries to his penis probably should've been treated in a hospital, but he never went because they never do. they'll mostly heal but it fucks with how he pisses and he never feels able to fully empty his bladder again and gets all kinds of false urgency. he has to ask Dean to stop the car about a million times in the first few weeks and Dean tries to be understanding but after the first three times when Sam makes him stop but then doesn't pee at all, it starts to piss him off that Sam is burning daylight

but Sam can only tolerate a couple hours in the car without being in such crippling pain he can't walk upright to get to the truck stop bathroom anyway

all of his symptoms are aggravated by sitting or lying still, but he can't avoid car rides and long research hours and sleeping on whatever surface is available. it'll be better (to whatever degree) once he's up and walking around (he eventually takes up running to try and manage it, but that doesn't always help)

I think Dean's response goes in cycles. he'll do something he considers thoughtful and helpful (it often legitimately is, but sometimes it's not at all because he doesn't ask Sam what would be helpful, just goes with his gut). but he expects that one effort will basically cure Sam and it never does. once he's checked off giving Sam a pain pill or massaging his back or reminding him to stretch, Dean just wants to go back to normal. job done. Sam's fine now.

Sam has good days, sure (and when he has two good days in a row, Sam starts to hope that this whole mess is over, but it never is) but he also has days when he wakes up feeling like his pelvis is broken (usually from sleeping on a soft, lumpy mattress). can't even roll over by himself

the wincest probably looks like this: Sam had a good day yesterday and today isn't the worst. he wakes up in pain, but when is he not. when Dean clocks that Sam's in pain, he sits on the bed and helps Sam through some psoas muscle stretches. he does it to help, but also because it puts his hands right near Sam's junk so he can make it seem accidental or natural when his hands wander

and Sam whines because even the stretches are making it hard to breathe and he hurts so bad. he just wants to do a lap around the motel and put enough food in his belly that he can start taking pain meds (and being hungry really ramps up his symptoms so he's on a timeclock)

but Dean wheedles. "please, Sammy, gotta give me something. it's been weeks" (it's been eight days) and "you've been doing so well, kiddo, don't you want things to be normal"

neither of them are ever under any illusion that this will harm Sam, but Dean pushes until Sam gives in and lets Dean spoon up behind him to fuck between his thighs. Dean starts really gentle, but it fucking hurts and Sam starts to feel nauseous, but he's basically in the recovery position anyway and Dean promises to be quick

when Sam keeps whimpering that every thrust feels like shattering his tailbone, Dean loses his patience, folding Sam up and manhandling him to just get it done because he wants to get off and Sam's pain isn't serving that goal (it totally can, it's just not)

he bends Sam's body up when he comes and Sam is retching and panting and crying out at how intense the belly and back pain are. when Dean leaves him in the puddle of cum and spit, Sam can't immediately move. he has to wait, just hoping that he'll recover enough to get out of bed himself instead of waiting for Dean to drag him out all grumpy and mean and impatient

[queer-as-in]

the post you just reblogged... consider. Sam who develops prosopagnosia (face blindness)

yoooooooooo I have face blindness. mine is relatively mild, but Sam's should be. profound.

he's lucky that most of the people in his life wear the same thing most days (for example... no one except a certain angel is wandering around in the summer in a tan trenchcoat)

but maybe that's what gets him. he's hidden it from Dean as it's progressed, but then one day Dean comes up to him in a fake law enforcement uniform and the amulet isn't visible and it really scares Sam (which of course scares Dean)

it would also really hurt Dean's feelings every time. because you know it would.

[queer-as-in]

I'm obsessed with the idea of Dean breaking Sam's wrist. Maybe consensually. Maybe it's an "accident". I'm also obsessed with the idea of Sam pressing on the bones months after it has healed to feel the ache.

I have a very clear and distinct image of Dean twisting Sam's arm behind his back and telling him to say uncle but Sam says "you're gonna break my wrist!"

"so say uncle"

but Sam doesn't so Dean breaks it. Sam thinks about how the bones moved every time he jerks off forever and Dean probably thinks about it twice as much

maybe Dean does it again by request when they eventually start fucking

[queer-as-in]

there is no god. if there was, Sam would've had permanent spinal injuries from being slammed against the wall by that antique desk

[queer-as-in]

Sam should've been paralyzed ngl