i do not like the scythe books

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i do not like the scythe books
Ennui
Contradictory: Running around telling everyone I have ennui. I am this close to moving my office desk into traffic; then I can run around and tell everyone I am malcontent.
I started that more than a month ago and haven't found time to dedicate to finishing it until now.
And I just rushed through it. I changed so much, deleted more. I didn't like what I had before.
What I have now? I am disappointed to say the least.
Words frustrate me... I can't convey exactly what I want to.
Writing~ something I used to love and look forward to. And now? I'm always irritated with myself. Why can't I write anything I like?
I don't even know what I'm writing.