How do I write a problematic or stand-offish/distant/cold character without making them toxic? I’m trying to a write a short story loosely inspired by bonnie & clyde but i’m so against toxic relationships.
Hi Nonny,
This is a great question! Before I over some suggestions, I want to talk a little about what a toxic person is, what a toxic relationship is, and what’s the difference.
So a toxic person is someone whose behaviour causes stress and damage to others. This might be because of unresolved issues they have, or it could be a defence mechanism because of being hurt in the past. Whatever the reason for it, they will often be manipulative, needy, jealous, compulsive complainers, and “drama queens.”
A toxic relationship, on the other hand, is one that makes you feel bad consistently. It’ll often impact your self-esteem and the way in which you interact with the world. Now, a toxic relationship can start out healthy, but because of long-term unmet needs, bad feelings, distrust, and lack of communication, the relationship can become toxic. It is possible that any relationship can turn toxic. (That’s not to say they will, just that the possibility is always there)
So, as you can see, there can be a big difference between a person who is toxic, and a relationship that is.
Now, on to your question!
There are lots of ways a character can be problematic, and being distant isn’t necessarily one of them. It can be, obviously, if the character refuses to trust others, doesn’t share important information, and forces others into isolation through their own attempt to isolate themselves. Which shares some of the qualities of a toxic person.
So you might want to have a distant/stand-offish character that isn’t problematic. They could be quiet, shy, slow to trust (but incredibly loyal), dislikes gossiping so they might not share information if they aren’t sure if it’s relevant and/or true (but will still share important information), may express discomfort in group settings or situations with forced intimacy (but will still socialize if required).
Like… think Mr. Darcy from Pride & Prejudice. He is distant, and even considered cruel by some, but at heart he is not a bad person. And, when he realizes he has caused harm to another, he attempts to fix it.
To have a character like that in a relationship with someone may seem like it would naturally lead to toxicity, but so long as the characters show respect for each other, have trust, and are able to communicate when something is bothering them, they should avoid being seen as having a toxic relationship.
Hope that helps! Let me know if you want more information or suggestions on anything :)
xoxo