Summary: A few years ago, when Zuko was still trying to capture the Avatar, he burned a mark into your skin. Now, he's your husband, and he's too afraid to touch you in case he hurts you again.
English isn't my first language! 18+ (Nothing crazy, but MDNI either way) not proofread
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There's a jarring, red mark right in the middle of your abdomen, just above your pubis – it's irregular, not especially big, but still clearly visible in the dim light of your shared bedroom.
The sight of it makes Zuko nauseous.
And repulsed.
Because he's the one who has done it to you. He's the one who has scarred your skin forever in a moment of rage and a desire for revenge so big nothing could stop him.
Zuko's left eye twitches. His jaw clenches. A shuddering breath leaves him.
No, he can't do this.
"I changed my mind." He says. These words feel foreign on his tongue – he's not sure if that's exactly what he wanted to say. Or if he wanted to say anything at all. He probably should've have keep his mouth shut. But it's too late to take it back. "I...I don't wanna have sex tonight."
You look at him, dumbfounded.
Here you are, standing in front of him completely bare, offering yourself to him, and out of sudden he has changed his mind?
But you're not mean. You've never been. You would never do anything that could harm him.
"Okay." You murmur, pulling the red robe back on. Zuko sighs with relief, which quite frankly should make you feel offended – but it doesn't, of course.
This is your Zuko. He loves you. He would've never done anything to hurt you. Not intentionally, at least.
He's not the man he used to be – cruel, ready to do anything to get his honor back and appease his father. That man is long gone.
This Zuko is soft.
Loving. Patient. Kind.
Just yours.
So why, the hell, he doesn't want to have sex with you anymore? When he is the one who has brought it up and prepared everything?
"I think i know why you've changed your mind." You prompt softly. Your place your hand over the mark on your abdomen, hiding it from his view. It feels warm under your fingers, practically burning even though it's not a fresh wound.
Zuko looks away. His Adam's apple moves as he swallows hard – he does it four times, you count.
Silence stretches between you.
When it becomes clear Zuko won't give you any answer, you add. "I've forgiven you, Zuko. A long time ago."
Zuko remains silent. A single tear trials down his left cheek, almost invisible against the red scar around his eye. He hastily wipes it away.
But you notice it. Of course you do.
"Why can't you just forgive yourself? It's been so long–"
"Not for me, Y/N." Zuko cuts you off, frustration audible in his voice. "Everytime i see you naked, I'm reminded by that day. I can see myself summoning the fire, directing it at you...so clearly...i can almost feel the anger i felt that moment. It's horrible."
"Zuko, you've changed. You're not the man you used to be anymore. You're...you."
Zuko looks at you. His eyes are shining with unshed tears, his lips are twitching. He asks. "What does it even mean?"
"You're kind, Zuko. You're caring and patient." You smile softly. "And so much more. You're not who you used to be. You're not your father. You're Zuko. My husband. And Gods help me, if you don't start seeing yourself the way I see you, i'll kick your ass."
Zuko huffs, taken aback. "Yeah, i bet you'd love to do it."
You take a step forward. Then another. Zuko stays rooted in his place, completely still, as he watches you.
One step – that's all it takes to close the distance between you and Zuko.
"Tell me to go away and i will."
Hesitation flickers in Zuko's eyes only for a second. He shakes his head. "No."
His hand comes around your waist, his face rests in the crook of your neck.
His warm breath tickles your ear as he whispers, his tone teasing. "You've been spending too much time with my uncle."
"At least Iroh's wise."
"Touché."
You stay quiet for a moment. Zuko's nose nudges your cheek as his lips trail kisses up and down your neck, occasionally nipping and sucking on your skin, causing blood to resurface and hickeys to form.
His focus on you gives you the perfect opportunity to grab his hand and place it over the red mark on your abdomen.
Zuko gasps, his fingers twitch against your skin, and he wants to retreat as quickly as it is possible, but you don't let him. You hold his hand there, pressing it into the softness of your lower belly, making him feel you, helping him overcome his fear of hurting you again.
"It's okay, Zuko. You're not hurting me."
"...promise?"
"I promise."
Zuko exhales. "I wanna make love to you."
You smile. "What's stopping you?"
Zuko's tugs at your robe. It falls to the floor, exposing your body again. A quiet sigh escapes Zuko's lips. His fingers, long and slender skim over your belly, over the oh so terrifying mark on your skin, before he drops to his knees in front of you.
You weave your fingers into his luscious hair. Zuko looks up at you, all puppy eyed and desperate, with his gaze asking for your permission.
And who you are to deny him?
A quiet gasp leaves your lips as his fingers slowly slip inside you, one after the other.
Burnt to the Core ♨ Chapter 11 | reader(f) x Firelord Zuko
synopsis: you are firelord zuko's direct attendant. zuko has long reformed the fire nation after ozai's takedown and zuko's assuming of power. but now you had a challenge of your own: your feelings for the firelord. what was just a simple crush turned out to be more trouble than you would have imagined. but it may have been worth it.
word count: 4652
warnings: no spoilers of the movie (besides using this gif here + how gaang now looks as adults). WARNING: [M] [TW] SA, violence, sexual topics (i.e, intercourse), cursing, mental/physical disorders (depression/depressive acts) + MDNI
authors note: its here!!! its finally here!!! this isnt my favorite chapter but trust when i say that chapter 12 is in the works as we speak. and as always (literally always at this point), thank u for enjoying my silly lil story :)
TAGLIST CLOSED
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“Don’t,” you warned Zuko gently, your scowl earning an amused chuckle from the Firelord himself. You had just handed him a cup of freshly brewed tea, the steam making it clear just how hot it was. And there was Zuko, bringing the very cup to his lips moments after handing it to him.
Zuko glanced up at you, the ends of his lips curling into a roguish smirk, “think I’m scared of a little heat?” He puts the cup down on his work desk, suddenly feeling playful, “should the Firelord fear hot tea?”
You looked down at him, knowing he had been trying to annoy you. You accepted the challenge and gestured to the tea, “enjoy, Firelord Zuko.”
He quickly takes hold of the cup again, per your annoyed motion. And as he takes a reticent sip, you see him quickly pull back and grimace. “Sai– what did you make this tea from? Magma?” He gently puts the cup down again before bringing his sleeve to his mouth.
“What?” You feigned innocence, making your eyes orby while looking down at his despair. “Was your hot leaf juice too hot?”
He rolled his eyes, patting his lips with the tips of his fingers, “you like messing with me?” Those browned honey eyes, encapsulated completely with warmth and allure. You were like a bee, unable to keep from such a saccharine sweet look. “You’re very brave, considering who you’re messin’ with,” his tone shifted, a sort of rasp that threatened to swallow you whole.
You met his eyes, and suddenly felt stuck in his gaze. Warm skin brightened at your sight, his eyebrows lowered, his lips now flush from the heat of the tea. His hair, even after you doing it, had a few strands sticking out, sticking onto his forehead and cheekbones. There was something in his stare– a sort of longing that’s foreign to his usual gaze.
“I miss you,” he says quietly, refusing to break contact. Taken aback by his words, you take a step behind, cheeks going completely hot. Your breathing stuttered even, earning another heart wrenching chuckle from him.
“I– Lord Zuko, what are you talking about?” You fume, struggling to get your thoughts out. “You… we’ve been together all morning. I did your hair, remember? H-how would you even miss me?”
Zuko only stares at you, melting you further. He stood up, and slowly walked up to you. The shadow made by his tall being swallowed you entirely, your nerves ascending like lava from a dormant volcano. His hands made their way to your shoulders, keeping you from being able to escape.
He was so close. His body emanated that smell of mint that was impossible to dislike. Callouses rubbed against your supple skin, sending shivers all about your arms. The way his fingertips dented into you gently, not so much worried that you would pull away but rather repressing his own desire to do more.
Then, he begins to pull you into him. It was slow yet sudden, your eyes wider, and brighter than the moon. Your cheek clashed against the softness of his linens, cushioning the broadness of his chest. You didn’t pull away, but you were as stiff as stone against his body. “H-hey– m-my Lord–!”
Those calloused hands snaked to the back of your shoulders, fingertips easing their way towards the scapula of your back. Your heart rate hiked, but no longer just of anticipation. There was a sudden anxiety, as if he was inching closer to a secret you did not realize you were hiding. “Zuko, don’t–!”
Fingertips reach your spine. It didn’t feel hot– it was hot. Your back burned with a familiar sear that only made you want to push him to the ground. But you do not move– because this is not Zuko. It can’t be.
They dent into your dip, a blistering feeling unlike anything you’ve felt. All fibers of your being felt like they were set ablaze, the root being Zuko’s foreign touch. But it was not exciting– it was terrifying. Not so much the feeling, but the inability to pull away from him.
The Palace, the very place you’ve come to memorize like it was your home, had vanished. Everything had gone dark, and Zuko’s absence was felt, considering how cold you suddenly were. It was terrifying to be in pitch black darkness. There was nothing to hold onto, or to run back to.
There is no sense of security or safety in isolation. It’s especially worse when you’ve become so used to others that being on your own was a different kind of fear. It felt as if, at any point, something could happen and completely petrify you, despite it being well intended.
But what could you do? Your body felt non-existent. No voice to scream, no hands to reach out. Not that you could reach out to anything, considering the nothing you’ve been subjected to. Not even your mind could bring about an ember, considering your lack of limbs on top of your lack of ability.
All you could think about was him.
The way he was always so gentle with you. How he would wait for you oh so patiently during the final hours of night every day, just to welcome the first minutes of daylight with you. The way he sat so still when you did his hair, as if one move would completely leave him with a horrid do. And despite his bad acting, he could never truly conceal his anticipation when you prepared his cups of tea.
Zuko was a gem, a man beyond worthy of his title.
And now he was elsewhere, and you were nowhere. What were you to make of your situation? Perhaps you deserved it, considering your treacherous thoughts and feelings for the Firelord. And how could you want those things, when you have forced his hand on matters that did not need to be escalated.
Perhaps Lady Minji had the right idea.
To be rid of you, and allow Zuko to continue on as the mighty Firelord, the man who reformed the Fire Nation and helped bring about peace to the world. He should not be weighed down by a commoner, a woman whose hands were only good to brew tea and brush hair.
Your head began to throb, with your heart beat making your head burst at every beat. You didn’t think much of it, if the feeling didn’t start spreading all over. Despite your nothing state, you felt hot– a sort of scalding hot, like the world was stripped of wind. It was making you feel choked– like air was seized from you.
Why?
What is this?
Then, you finally felt it. Your eyelids twitched, wiggling desperately to be opened. Your head was still aching, more so with sound now entering your ears. You could… hear. These whispers, sounds of a creaking mattress entering your space. Despite these usually quiet things, they felt so loud for you.
You didn’t know what to expect when your eyes forced itself into view.
You were met with a blurred scene, unable to make out any of the smushed colors in front of you. But, you were certain you had been looking up at the ceiling, considering you felt your back firmly against something (assuming it was your own bed). Blinking felt like a task, as you did it continuously until your sight had cleared and defined your vision.
But your head was too heavy to even move. You could only rely on your eyes, which burned when they flickered every which way. You searched around, trying to grasp a better understanding of your surroundings. The inability to move began to stress you out, but you accepted that you could only do so much.
Then, the familiar clatter of porcelain. They shook stiffly on a metal tray, you knew the sounds too well. They only connected to your most precious memories, earning smiles through cups of carefully crafted tisane. But, it was strange.
With the assumption that you were in your quarters, you should not be served tea. In fact, you are the server of tea usually. That only worsened your suspicions.
You were not alone.
You close your eyes once more, attempting to ignore the scorching pain of your head to focus on moving your body. At least muster any power and effort into sitting your head up was considered a win for you. Allowing yourself a few minutes of concentration, you once again open your eyes.
It was a struggle, yes, but you managed to lift your aggravated head, barely a tilt but just enough. That’s when your sight met with a man. Your conscious, rational mind was still booting up, and you could only think about Lord Indra. You disregarded any details, and abandoned all explanations that could be.
Against your head's health, a scream forced its way out of your mouth. Moments ago, you lacked existence. And now here you were, using the voice you thought you had lost in the mind you were trapped in, unbeknownst to you.
Hands quickly touched your body, and you did not have a lick of energy to keep them off. You could only scream louder, your voice quickly going out in the process. Losing your own voice, you could only pause, and shut your eyes once again. Tears were quick to well up in your eyes, and drag down your temples, and crawl into the beginnings of your hair.
Your sobbing was quiet, but you did not lose the space of sound. The mystery hands continue to try and soothe you, with a voice you could not pin point.
“D-don’t… touchshh–!” You whimper out, frustrated in your own lack of power. Your face became completely flushed, your head feeling closer and closer to cracking. A dizziness seeped in, and you suddenly felt overwhelmed with exhaustion once more. “...me…” your word trailed off, disappearing as fast as your last breath before returning to your unconscious state.
Before Zuko could even get his hands on the guard, Katara unveiled her water and used it to latch onto his forearm. But, she forgot how strong Zuko was, as his force practically forced her forward. “Zuko, hold on!” She yelled, exuding all her strength to keep Zuko from pouncing on his own guard. “Just wait a damn minute!”
Something got into him, and it completely shut down his rationality. All he could see was red, and the beginning of regaining inner serenity was staring right at him, expression intoxicated in trepidation.
“What happened to Sai?” Zuko hissed, his aggression-filled words pouring out his gritted teeth. His unkempt hair had suddenly reflected the very sight of his sister in her final acts of insanity. He slowly inched closer and closer, with Katara desperately trying to delay him. “What the fuck did you do to her?”
“F-F-Firelord Z-Zu…ko…!” The guard stammered, his entire body trembling while remaining where he stood. He couldn’t dare run away from the Firelord, as he would likely worsen his predicament.
Katara continued to struggle, holding her water like two ropes while trying her damndest to keep Zuko wrangled. Blue eyes burn into Lady Kira, who fearfully stood in the doorway of your quarters. Without hesitation, Katara yells at her, “what happened here?”
Topaz eyes lock onto Lady Kira, and she freezes. She knew better than to not answer the question, considering her fellow courtier's life was at risk. Mustering her courage, she meets Zuko’s eyes and responds faintly, “he… was assisting me in bringing in tea… in case Lady Sai were to wake.”
Zuko narrowed his eyes on her, still dissatisfied, “guards are not to enter the quarters of any Lady or women in the Palace.”
Lady Kira quickly responded, “I-I was overzealous and thought I could carry both the tea set and a meal… I asked him to hold the door for me while I entered her quarters… a-and I didn’t know she woke up, s-so…”
“The first person she saw was him,” Katara finished for her. She realized that Zuko had stilled, and brought her water back to her waterskin. “Lady Sai reacted from trauma… hence her screams.”
Zuko felt the water from Katara’s bending touch his skin as it spread around the linens of his sleeves. His heaving chest was still frantic, his heart ready to unleash the inner monster he did not realize he had. All he could think about was keeping you safe, starting with the guard and whatever could come after. Even after getting caught up, Zuko did not want to see the guard in his presence. At least, at that moment.
Guards ran down the corridor in response to the commotion. Zuko’s hand found its way to his forehead, his annoyance and agitation increasing. Emitting a deep sigh, Zuko looks through the space between his digits and eyes the frightened guard once more. Gesturing to him, he begins quietly, “you; leave.”
The guard immediately accepts his dismissal. He bows so low that his head almost touches the ground, “Y-yes, my Lord!” He squeaks out, taking this out contently as a few of the other guards escort him away from your quarters. As he was being escorted, the rest of Zuko’s friends had finally caught up to the scene.
Toph was first to get close, her body long feeling the tea tray falling. Her face pointed her towards your quarters, remembering the vibrating feeling of the metal clashing with the ground. “Is everyone okay?” She asks quietly, unable to catch the tension.
Aang and Sokka were right behind her, taking in the scene as well. The men were able to put two and two together, quickly turning around to face away from your quarters. They, too, respected Zuko’s request for men not to enter women’s quarters.
The only current exception was the room Aang and Katara shared, albeit she had not stepped a foot inside yet.
Aang looks over at Katara and gestures to your quarters, “is she…?” He asks quietly, hoping not to disturb you.
Before Katara could answer, Lady Kira quickly shook her head, “she… has gone once again.”
Zuko’s excitement was buried back to the ground. He could feel a headache from hell setting in, unsure how much more he could take without seeing you, the you before all of this. But, he accepts this defeat, his eyes meeting with the floor. “Katara, if you can,” he asks her quietly, his hands balling into fists. Even Toph could hear how strong his grip was, as his clenching was so tight, his fingernails were digging into his palms. “Please.”
Without another word, Katara quickly rushes into your quarters, carefully avoiding the broken porcelain that was now ornate in your room. Lady Kira quickly bowed at the gentlemen outside your quarters before rushing back in. She quickly became a utility, and began cleaning the mess from the fallen tray.
With the door shut in his face, Zuko could only let out another deep sigh.
That being the case, she could not find herself wanting to sleep. She sat at your bedside, long hair completely loose while rubbing your forehead with a drenched cloth. The water had been imbued with a healing water bending technique, its glow subtle in the darkness of the room.
She felt awful for everything that had been happening. Zuko and you were suffering, and she could only truly prioritize one of you. Even if she could give Zuko priority, his head has been tormenting him without permitting anything beyond a scratch of ease.
But, she was not a God. She could not heal you to full health on her own, despite her bending. She could not take you out of your conscious state, despite wanting to see you healthy and well. She could not take away the trauma of what happened, and what started her on this journey to assist you in your healing.
She could only do her best in what she could do.
But, as she gently dabbed your forehead, she noticed the small, subtle twitches from your eyes. The sides of your lips winced every few seconds, having her pull her touch away from you. She silently waited, watching you with the assistance of the nights shine. It seemed that even the moon was itching for your return to the conscious world.
Katara snaked her hand into your own, mouthing silent prayers for you to react to her touch. And then it happened: you took hold of her fingers. A weak squeeze, a small sliver of hope. She waited patiently, giving you the space you needed to regain your consciousness.
And just like that; you woke.
It took you a few minutes, and you accepted that the stranger in your bedroom was a friend, not a foe. Katara carefully moved a few cushions and pillows behind your back, giving you the right support to sit up. You were reticent but accepted her help, as her strong forearm gave you the right grip to adjust your body.
You mutter a quiet thank you as you get used to sitting up. Your head still felt heavy, but the headache that once threatened to split your skull was long gone. There was a chilling feeling on your forehead, but it was quickly replaced with a warm wetness. You look over to notice that it was this stranger, who was water bending a sort of special water on your head.
Before you attempted to speak, Katara quickly answered your initial, mental questions, “I’m Katara.” She did not need to say anything more, for you also quickly learned that she was a water bender. A good one too, based on how calm your head felt.
You could only look at her, as if she was a Goddess, “you are so kind…” you barely let out, your voice still not quite there. “Thank you… so much…” You tried to offer your hand, but your body was uncooperative. “y/n,” you weakly let out, introducing yourself. She smiles warmly and nods.
Even in the night so dim, you could appreciate the very lady before you. Mocha skin, smooth and supple from even just the look. Long, voluptuous hair that poured down her shoulders and contested the length of her torso. Blue eyes that held the many bodies of water that this planet could barely explain. She was the sort of enigma that, for the moment, you welcomed.
“I know you have been sleeping, but try not to do too much,” Katara instructed, removing the water she had been using to ease your head. You lamented its absence, but you couldn’t deny how much better you felt. “I have some tea for you, if you’d lik–”
“Yes,” you quickly whisper, your voice weak but your want high. “Spirits, yes.” You patiently waited, weakly reaching out to the teacup with trembling hands.
She brings the cup close to your face, “you’re still too weak. I don’t want you to accidentally drop it on yourself, so let me help you…”
It was embarrassing really. A stranger who seemed to have nursed you to health was now assisting you in drinking a cup of tea. Something you have been doing practically since the womb. And yet here you were, your body a tool while this kind woman, Katara, was assisting you in enjoying something as simple as drinking tea. The soothing warmth of the scalding water relieved some tension in your throat.
She puts the cup down upon your satisfaction, and offers her forearms so you could sit up. You could tell she was strong, not just from her bending abilities but from how tough her forearms felt. After your adjustments, you were able to finally crane your neck, stretching out as much stiffness as possible.
You began working on moving your arms, too. It wasn’t great seeing them, the way your skin had thinned and exposed the bones you’ve never seen so defined before. Even your fingers highlighted your knuckles and the very structure that helped your body move. It was disturbing, but what could be done?
“I know it's quite late,” Katara began, before stifling a chuckle, “well, I guess early now. But, I brought you a meal if you are willing to try and eat some of it.” Your eyes flicker to the window, watching as the moon begins its slow descent to the other half of the world. “I do warn you; it’s cold.”
You hesitated for a moment before curiosity took over, “what do you have?” You barely let out.
And there you were, with Katara’s patience appearing boundless as she slowly fed you. It was a humble meal; rice with a slab of meat and peas. But, it did the job, and your stomach immediately growled with glee from the first bite. She did stop you from eating too much, considering you hadn’t eaten for a while. That’s when you realized something grave.
“How long?” You asked Katara, curious as to the amount of time you were gone. Katara looked at you woefully, her eyes grimacing at the thought.
“It’s been 7 days,” Katara responded quietly, her head nodding along her words. She gives you a small smile, “but, having your body rest so much made your wound heal very quickly.”
That was when you realized the absence of pain that once resided behind you. It was like a sudden transformation. You forced your effort, your arms exerting themselves to reach your back and rub where your pain would be. And, there was nothing. At least, in terms of feeling.
“I…” you began, your lip already ahead of your emotions as it quivered. The geyser of your feelings erupted, and you felt tears slide down your cheeks. You were brought back to that day, and then pulled right back to here, in this moment, in the safety of your room, being nursed by a kind bender. “I… I don’t… I didn’t mean for all this to…”
“One thing at a time,” Katara interrupted you, handing you a dry cloth to wipe your face. You were grateful for her generosity, attempting to calm down so the tears could be obsolete. “Everything that happened to you was not your fault. That man is not a man; he’s a coward.”
Your eyes dimmed, looking down at your hands. Before you had gone unconscious, you remember most of the Agni Kai that Zuko had long abolished. You recall Lord Indra attempting to be sly with the Firelord, being cheeky with movement to try and one-up him. It made your blood boil, despite its current feeble state.
“Is he… um,” you ask timidly, unsure if you truly want to know the well being of Lord Indra.
Katara nodded, “Indra has been imprisoned under the charges of treachery and assault of a Fire Nation Palace personnel.” You blinked a few times, looking up at her in surprise. Of course, you were happy to hear that he was not doing well, and in fact being punished for his crime. But, his list of crimes sounded like he won’t be seeing anything outside of his cell ever again. “His clan has been informed, and they are in deliberation to promote someone else to take his place.”
You nodded, “I see.”
Then, Katara placed her hand on yours, cupping them just a bit to attempt to ease your tremors. “As for Zuko…” she begins, earning a jump from you. She smiled amusingly, anticipating that you’d react in such a way from hearing his name. And you wanted to ask about him, but it seemed inappropriate, considering the nature of your relationship with him and the feelings you harbor for the very man. “He’s subjecting himself to his own sort of prison.”
You tilted your head to the side, confused at her words, “...what do you mean?”
“It’s a long story,” Katara hums quietly. She begins to adjust in her seat, making herself a bit more comfortable. She takes one of your hands and gives it a light squeeze, “luckily we have the time, and I’ve been dying to tell you about the kind of man you’ve made him become.”
The story made you feel just about everything.
Sadness and anger mostly, but mainly frustrated at your body for giving out when Zuko needed the exact opposite. It broke your heart to hear how he’s been punishing himself, unable to control his feelings and lashing out unnecessarily.
But these feelings also confused you. Why would he feel such things over you? It was understandable that Lord Indra had been a bad man, and did not deserve to represent the Fire Nation as a leader anymore. But, you were nothing above a commoner. Your life was not taken, either. You were just you.
So why would he go so much out of his way…?
“To go such lengths,” Katara approaches the end of her update for you. She straightens her back, a yawn escaping her lips. After all, the woman had barely slept and spent the rest of her night catching you up with the ‘gossip.’ She looked up at you with a sweet smile, “it means that you’re someone very important, whether you like it or not.”
“To him?” You squeak out before erupting in a coughing fit. Your voice was still struggling, but it was doing its best.
“Who else?” Katara giggles, poking fun at your confusion. “Anyhow, that’s been the last few days. I’m sorry for such a lengthy story.”
You shook your head, “no no, thank you for updating me on everything. It feels like I’ve been gone an eternity…”
“Zuko feels the same way,” Katara hummed. It was weird. Well, rather it felt weird. It was like, through Katara, Zuko had been confessing to you. But, he wasn’t here, and all you were being told was how his heart had been crumbling from your lack of presence. Delusional, you quickly discredited yourself. “But, he’s been fine for the most part. We’ve been trying to keep him grounded, though I’m not sure if our efforts have been completely fruitful.”
We? You were curious, but not curious enough to question it. Right now, at the moment, you want to get yourself back on your feet. You needed to. To get back to him, to what was normal. You tried to get off the bed on your own, the sudden exertion making your body quickly halt itself. Even Katara held your shoulders, stopping you from your actions.
“What are you doing?” She immediately questioned, worry drenched her words. “You’ve just woken up.”
“I need to help him get ready,” you say quietly, your mind already set on a mission. You needed to come back to him, to bring his mind back to sanity. You needed to fulfill your purpose there, and serve the Firelord like you had done before.
Before she could continue to stop you, a soft knock hit the door. It was a hesitant knock, as if the door was delicate. Almost as if the knock itself did not want to be heard.
“Katara,” a voice so familiar, you’ve heard it in your dreams. But it was manipulated in this reality, weaved in woe and something you could not pin point. “I can’t live like this anymore,” Zuko’s voice poured out desperately against the door, “I need to see her.”
Pairing: Fire Lord Zuko x F Reader and Avatar Aang x F Reader
Chapter Prologue: Zuko is conflicted whether he should tell Reader the truth. He believes Aang's feelings for her are genuine. But telling her might make her choose Aang, instead of him.
Warnings this chapter: mentions of being unalived, serious injury, grief, being emotionally overwhelmed.
A/N: This is an 18+ story. So MDNI.
Individual lines or words that are in cursive are thoughts unspoken.
Also note that English is not my first language. So I apologise in advance for any mistakes, I really try to proofread everything. But mistakes do happen. If you see some, I don’t mind if you point them out to me.
Please don’t copy my work. A lot of time and effort went into it.
‘So do I tell her?’ The question circled through my head as we sat quietly next to each other.
I stared into the darkness beyond the woods. Trying not to show her every thought that flashed behind my eyes.
I could tell her. I could tell her that every time I had looked at Aang since her abduction, I had seen fear in his eyes. Real fear. The kind that couldn't be faked. How hurt he had been. How his actions showed me how much he genuinely cared for her.
And then what? She would ask why I was telling her. And I didn't know if I could answer that question honestly. Because part of me wanted to do the right thing. And part of me was terrified. Terrified that the moment she knew, I would lose her. And the thought of losing her made my chest feel tight. I clenched my jaw. But that didn’t give me the right to keep the truth from her.
I exhaled.
‘If I stayed silent, and she chooses me, would it even be real?’ The thought struck harder than I expected. Because she deserved the choice. A real choice. Not one built on missing information. Not one built on my fear. 'Spirits'.
I was debating with myself. I could almost hear Uncle's voice. ‘If doing the right thing was easy, Zuko, everyone would do it.’ I exhaled deeply. I wanted to grunt at the thought. ‘Thanks Uncle.’ I sarcastically thought.
I closed my eyes. I pictured her not choosing me. Not looking at me the way I wanted her to. Not standing beside me. And somehow that hurt less than imagining her finding out later that I had hidden the truth about Aang and his feelings.
Earlier she accused me of not asking her what she wanted, that I made a choice for her. I couldn’t do that to her again. The answer settled into place. And I hated it. Which probably meant it was the right one.
I would tell her everything. Then the choice would be hers. ‘And if she chooses Aang…’ My throat tightened. ‘…Then I would have to live with it.’
Because loving someone was supposed to be about wanting their happiness, even when it wasn't with you. The last words she had spoken to me were that she believed that in time she could have been happy with him. The words echoed through me. Then, very quietly, I spoke again.
"I want you to be happy."
“What?” She looked up in surprise. We had been sitting in silence for so long that my words seemed to startle her.
“I want you to be happy.” I simply repeated. My voice sounded steady. Far steadier than I actually felt. “Even if that is with him.” For a moment she just stared at me. Then something in her expression hardened.
“I closed that chapter the second I heard about that plan.” She stated firmly.
“It doesn’t sound like Aang.” I cautiously said. Her eyes narrowed.
“I didn’t make this up, Zuko.” She sounded offended.
“I am not saying that.” I held her gaze. “I have seen how hurt you have been.” My voice dropped. “I have held you while you cried. I can see how real it is. But I am just saying…” I continued carefully. “...it doesn’t sound like Aang.” She looked away. “I am sure that there was a plan made between him and Katara. But even you said it sounded as though it was more Katara’s plan, than Aang’s.” I leaned forward, trying to get her to look at me. “Would things change for you if you knew that what Aang felt was real?” She looked at me. Pain in her eyes. “That it wasn’t some part he was performing?” I watched uncertainty flicker in her eyes. My chest tightened painfully. This was harder than I had previously imagined. Because every word felt like I was handing away something I desperately wanted to hold. Yet, I forced myself to continue. “What if he wasn’t following any plan? But that he genuinely cared for you as more than a friend.” My heart was pounding hard and painful against my ribs. “What if…” My voice nearly failed me. “What if you knew that Aang had truly fallen in love with you? Would that change anything?” I let the questions linger between us. I gave her time to process them, to let them settle within her. I just cried on the inside.
Her gaze had fallen to her hands. I could practically see the thoughts moving behind her eyes. And while I waited for her answer… While I sat there pretending to be calm… Something inside me was quietly breaking. Because every second she considered it, felt like she was drifting away from me. Then she looked at me. Really looked at me. There was suspicion in her gaze. And then she looked dangerously close to being hurt.
“Are you pushing me away again?” Every memory came rushing back to me. Every time I had stepped away from her. Every time I had convinced myself I was protecting her.
"No." The answer came immediately. It sounded almost desperate. “No, absolutely not. I am not pushing you away from me ever again.” The confession slipped out; more vulnerable than I had intended. It was raw and painfully honest. “I am so sorry I have done all these times. I thought I was doing right by you.” I swallowed hard. “I want you.” The words hung between us. “Spirits…” I released a shaky breath. “I want you with me.” My eyes never left her. “I want you beside me. Even after everything we have been through together, my heart has always held on to you. What I feel for you has always been real.” My words left me feeling completely exposed. “Even after all this time and distance you are still and always will be, the person I see beside me in the future.”
I faintly smiled at her and I forced myself to continue. “But it should be your choice.” The words hurt me even though I meant them. But they could also cost me everything I wanted. “You have a choice.” My gaze lifted to hers again. “You said that I never asked you what you wanted. I am asking you now.” Neither of us looked away. “But you can only answer that question if you have all the information.” My jaw clenched slightly. “I believe you should talk to Aang. Let him explain to you his side.” My voice had become quiet again. My chest felt impossibly tight. “I have watched him these last couple of days. I have seen him heartbroken. I have seen how hurt he has been. How desperate he was to find and save you.” I sighed. “To me…, he didn’t look like a man pretending.” The words hurt. It was as though I was pushing a dagger in my own heart. “To me…, it looked very real. I saw my own feelings reflected in him.”
For a moment neither of us spoke. We just looked at the trees. How the leaves swayed with the wind. We looked at the stillness in the darkness. Finally I looked back at her and I asked the question I had asked before. The question that felt like I was placing my own heart in her hands and she could easily crush it with her reply.
“If Aang’s feelings for you were genuine…” I paused. Every word nearly broke me. “...would it change anything?” Her gaze dropped to her hands, the ground; anywhere but me. As though she couldn’t bear to answer me while looking at me. Her answer didn’t come immediately. I was afraid of it, truly afraid. The silence stretched so long I thought she might not answer me at all. But when it finally did, it was barely above a whisper.
“I don’t know.” The words should have relieved me; they weren’t a yes. But it was also not the answer my heart had been desperately hoping for either.
“I understand.” I tried to sound as calm as I could. “I just… I hope you truly know how I feel about you… about us.” For once there were no more unspoken feelings between us. I had laid everything bare. “I know I haven’t given you any reason to trust my words, but I am not backing away again. I will not push you away. Not ever again.” I stated more firmly and with more determination than I ever had before. Then I forced myself to say the rest. “Nonetheless, I believe you should talk to Aang. I think you need to hear his side of the story. And then…” My throat tightened. “If after hearing everything, you decide that what you had with him is what you want…” The words stung me; every single one of them. “... then I will accept it.” My voice nearly broke. “But if there’s even the smallest chance that you could choose me…” My features softened again as I thought of the life we could have. “I need you to know that I would choose you too...” I held her gaze. “...with all my heart.”
“Hi.” She snuck up on me and it slightly startled me. I was by myself, gathering supplies and packing away what remained of the camp. We were leaving today. Around me, some children chased each other. They were finally allowed to be just children again. Y/N stood a few steps away from me. She tried to make the greeting sound lighthearted, but even that one word was laced with hurt and other deeper emotions. She hadn’t spoken to me since yesterday. Not since we had reunited with the others.
“Hi.”
“How are you feeling?” Her eyes never quite met mine, they darted between me and the ground.
“I am okay. I just had a healing session with Katara.”
“Good.” She quietly said. “I will get one before we leave too.”
“Good. I know you need one.”
A brief silence settled between us. It felt heavy. Too many things were left unspoken.
“Listen.” She spoke softly. “I want to thank you for what you did yesterday.”
“It goes without mentioning.” I smiled kindly at her.
“No.” Her reply came immediately. For the first time, she looked directly at me. “No, it doesn’t.” She looked around to the others of the team, to the children, Azula and the Kemurikage. She rubbed the back of her neck. A nervous habit I had seen several times before. “Can we talk?” Her teeth caught her bottom lip. “Alone.”
“Yeah.” I nodded. Without another word, I followed her away from the camp. We reached a small clearing with a big boulder in its center. We both sat ourselves down on the stone. “Is this where you went last night?” Her head snapped toward me. A flash of surprise crossed her face.
“Did I wake you?” She asked as she looked guilty.
“My senses are heightened when it comes to you.” She just nodded. “You and Zuko were gone for a long time.”
“We talked.” Her gaze drifted toward the trees in front of us. “A lot.” She paused. It looked like she was contemplating whether or not to say her next words. Then, she drew a deep breath. “One of the things we talked about was… you. Us.”
“What did you talk about?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer.
“I told him.” My gaze immediately fell to the ground. “He asked me what happened between us and I told him.”
“Everything?”
“Pretty much. I kept some bits private.” She bit her lip as she averted her gaze from me to anything else. “But other than that… yeah. Everything.” I watched how her shoulders dropped. How her jaw clenched for a moment as she was reliving some of the memories. “I told him we hadn’t spoken since Cranefish Town.” She exhaled deeply through her nose. “He thought I should give you a chance to explain.” I looked up. “A chance to tell me your side of the story. He believed you deserve a chance to at least tell me the truth.”
Her words caught me off guard. I thought if anyone would intervene between us it would have been Toph, or Suki. Maybe Sokka, although I wasn’t completely sure of that. But not Zuko. Definitely not Zuko.
I had known she and Zuko had always been close. From the very beginning. They just clicked and were comfortable with each other right from the start. The endless sunsets they watched. The way they could sit beside each other for what felt like hours without speaking and for it to never seem uncomfortable.
How easy it seemed for both of them to confide in each other. All the letters they send. How she always smiled when the hawk arrived. How she never wanted to talk to me about the words he had written to her.
I always thought that like Y/N and me, they were just good friends. But over the last days, the pieces began fitting together in ways I couldn’t ignore.
I had seen how he was allowed to comfort her back at the palace. How he held her when he guided her back to her room.
I remembered the moment we realised she was taken. How the fire escaped him before he could control it. The fear in his eyes. How worried he had been. How he pretended he wasn’t breaking every time he thought about her in Azula’s hands.
I remembered the mountain. How he screamed when she was pushed over the edge. How, after I had caught her and I held her safely in my arms, high above us I saw every feeling erupting from him, creating a massive explosion of fire.
And then, I remembered what happened at the clearing. How his body was shaking. How he was mourning her. How he was finally able to breathe again when he saw her alive. How he closed his eyes and thanked the Spirits. How quickly he had reached her, supporting her in the most gentle way.
The realisation settled heavily in my chest. I should have seen it sooner. Because it was probably always there. Zuko cared for her. Far more than I ever noticed before.
“So, I am giving you the chance to explain it all.” Her words brought me back to the clearing. To her. To the boulder we were sitting on. My chest felt tight. I drew a slow breath, before I spoke.
“First, I want to apologise.” The words felt inadequate the moment they left my mouth. Too small, too simple. “I never wanted to hurt you.”
“You are the second person telling me that in the last ten hours.” She let out a humorless huff. “And yet… both of you did hurt me.” The words weren’t spoken in anger. That probably made them hurt more. There was no accusation or bitterness in her voice, just truth.
“Y/N…” My voice came out quieter than I intended. She glanced at me. I struggled for the right words. But I couldn’t find them. I hadn’t meant to hurt her. But however pure my intentions were, that didn’t change how it seemed to have started. Like it was a grand plan, a great scheme.
“Do you still love her?” She was the one to break the silence. I obviously knew who she was talking about.
“I think a part of me will always love her. Despite what she did or despite anything she could ever do.” I confessed quietly. “The pain I felt when she broke up with me, was real.”
“I know. I was there. I saw it.”
“But what I feel for you is also real.” My voice came out soft, but there was no hesitation. In fact there was quiet determination. “It always has been.” I lowered my gaze. “I was never okay with this plan. If anything, I tried to ignore it. I had intended for you to stay my friend. Just my friend. Nothing more. So that when we got back after our trip, I could return to Katara. Tell her how stupid her plan was and that I never wanted anyone else but her.” I swallowed. “But something changed along the way.” She kept her eyes on me. She was listening intensely. “I got to know you.”
“You have known me for years.” She furrowed her brows.
“Not like this.” I shook my head.
“You mean like you have gotten to know every inch of my skin?” Heat rushed to my face.
“No.” I let out a breath. “No, I don’t mean it in a physical way. It was long before that.” The memory surfaced, my gaze dropped to my hands. “I guess it all started the day you almost fell from the spire. Something changed. I realised that I already had these feelings for you I hadn’t really noticed before.” I turned back to her. “But the thought of you falling down… How it felt holding you afterwards… My heart felt like it was going to explode.” I pressed a hand against my chest. “Not just because of the fear of you falling.” My voice dropped. “But of the fact that it was you falling.” I put all the emphasis I could into that single word; you. “Then after, when I came to your room… When you told me you thought you didn’t matter, how you didn’t have to walk away after a fight… My heart broke.” The memory hurt just as much now as it had then. “The image of you not walking away from a fight… Broke me.” I drew a shaky breath. “I can’t think of a world where you are not in it. And yet…” I clenched my fists as fear crawled back into my chest. “Yesterday I almost had to do that.” I swallowed deeply. “I was so scared I wasn’t able to reach you in time. That no matter what I did, you would have been too far away from me to catch you.” The words trembled.
“You told me, back at the Southern Air Temple, back when I almost fell, you would have jumped after me to save me.”
“Yes.” The answer came without hesitation.
“And yesterday, you did.”
“Yes.” I looked deeply in her eyes. They had softened during the conversation. “Whether or not you want to believe me… My feelings for you are genuine.” I spoke the words slowly. “They have been all this time.” I needed her to hear all of them. “The feelings weren’t formed because it was a plan.” I needed the words to settle within her. “But something that grew over time.” I needed her to believe them. “They grew every time you laughed carefree, every conversation late at night, every time you stubbornly looked at me.” A small smile tugged at the corner of my mouth. “They grew every time you challenged me. Every time you frustrated me.” My smile widened. “Every time you proved me wrong.” To my surprise, a quiet giggle escaped her. I turned my whole body to her. I cautiously and carefully took her hand. She let me. “I have truly fallen for you. And I didn’t fall in love with you because we were the only two people, or because I was lonely or because it was part of some plan. I fell in love with you for who you are.” My thumb brushed against her knuckles. “Bright.” A pause. “Spirited.” Another. “Strong.” I gave her hand a little squeeze. “Kind.” The wind moved through her hair. “Stubborn.” A small laugh escaped me. “Incredibly stubborn.” I shook my head as different memories surfaced. “And impossibly clumsy at times.” I smiled fully then. For a moment neither of us spoke and we just looked at each other. Then, I slowly released her hand and dropped my gaze to the earth beneath us. Everything I wanted to say next, sat heavily in my chest. “I know you don’t love me.” The words came out quietly. “Not like I love you at least.” I swallowed. “But…” I forced myself to look at her again. “Do you think that in time you could have?”
“Yes.” She nodded. “I could have. I believe I really could have.” My heart stopped for a moment. Her words were gentle. “We could have been happy.” For a brief moment, I could see it. A future that might have existed. The two of us laughing, living at an Air Temple or back in Cranefish Town, building a new world together. Growing older together. A life neither of us had expected. A life that had almost become real.
“Do you think we still could be?” The words I was afraid to speak, somehow slipped out of me. Fear clutched against my chest. Afraid of rejection. The world seemed to go silent. I looked at her, suddenly unable to breathe.
“I don’t know, Aang.” She lowered her gaze. “I think I need time to process everything. Not just the things you said…, or Zuko. But everything.” I nodded slowly. It wasn’t a clear rejection.
“You once told me that you hadn’t kissed anyone before, because no one had mattered enough to you for you to kiss them. But you had found someone who mattered. Hadn’t you?” She looked at me with widened eyes. But then she slowly nodded.
“I had.” She drew a deep breath. “But the timing was never right. He tried to protect me by not letting me in fully.”
“I understand.” A breath escaped me. “Please let my words settle within you. And take all the time you need. I will be waiting.” The words felt terrifying, because I also realised that she might never choose me.
“I should probably find Katara.” She stepped off the boulder we were sitting on. “If I want that healing session before we leave.”
“Yes.” I nodded immediately. I forced a smile. “Go. You need it.”
The Kemurikage had two ships on Kagain Island. We had decided to split up again. Sokka, Suki, Katara and Toph were making the crossing from the island by boat. They had all the children and the captured Kemurikage with them. A hawk belonging to the Kemurikage was already sent yesterday, instructing Fire Nation soldiers to wait for the ship on the mainland. They were to take the Kemurikage away and make sure transport was waiting for our friends and the children to travel back to the Fire Nation capital.
Zuko, Aang, myself and Azula were immediately heading to the palace on Appa. We wanted to isolate Azula from the rest. We believed that way she wouldn’t be a threat since she couldn’t influence any of her followers.
Zuko constantly had his eyes on his sister. Aang was guiding Appa through the sky. And I… I was torn. I was looking at nothing in particular, especially not at Aang or Zuko. I rode with them on Appa, because they believed this would cause me the least strain. I wouldn’t have to do anything, other than to just be there. I wasn’t on watch, I wouldn’t have to look after the children. All I had to do was sit on Appa and be. I also suspected that neither Zuko nor Aang wanted to leave me alone again.
My mind was constantly wandering between the conversations I have had with Aang and Zuko. When it came to Aang, I had every intention of just hearing his side of the story and to then forget about it. I hadn’t expected that his words would cling to me. The truth in his voice, the hope in his eyes. I was inclined to believe the words he spoke. I truly hadn’t want to. I wanted to remain angry. At him. At Katara. At the plan. At the lies. But he told me there were no lies between us. That everything that had happened between us was genuine. And I believed him.
I had also spoken a lot about Aang since I was taken by Azula. I had told her how Aang and I were together and how Zuko and I were nothing more than just friends. I had told her stories of my travels with Aang. How we lived together. How he could always make me laugh when I was in a bad mood. I told her about silly arguments we have had. How he could meditate for hours without moving. How we used to talk about everything and nothing before we would say good night. How feelings had grown between us. How he had taken care of me when I was sick, refusing to leave my side. When we shared our first kiss. All stories true, with the expectation that I wanted her to believe it was I who had pursued Aang.
I relived all the happy moments between us. Moments that had been corrupted since Cranefish Town, but I had to sell them to her. I needed to sound convincing so she would believe it. And by convincing Azula of how much Aang and I mean to each other, I was also unconsciously convincing myself. So his words stuck with me like glue and I couldn’t shake them. For a brief moment, I looked at him. Sitting straight on Appa’s head. One hand on the reins and one was resting in Appa’s fur. I let out a slow breath.
Then there was Zuko. Last night, for the first time ever, he finally let all his walls down. He shared every emotion he had carefully buried deep inside him, every feeling he had kept hidden. Not the shallow and crafted answers he could expertly give, but the real ones.
How, in his own flawed way, he had convinced himself that he was doing right by me to push me away. It was his way of protecting me from the chaos and enemies that followed him.
None of this had been easy for him. Pushing me away made his heart break. It had wounded him too. And he had carried that pain for years.
And through all those years, he had clung to a single hope. That one day he could find his way back to me when he believed matters were stable and safe enough. But, in his eyes, the time was never right. So the years slipped away while he waited for a future that never arrived. And throughout it all, he continued loving me. From a distance. Silently, patiently and painfully. But he had in fact loved me. For years. Just like I had him.
It doesn’t excuse all the times my heart got broken. It doesn’t erase all the years that had been lost. We both knew that. But finally there was pure, raw honesty between us.
I exhaled deeply, hoping it would carry away some of the tension that had settled in my chest. It didn’t. My eyes instinctively searched for Zuko’s, but instead I was met by another pair of golden eyes. Azula was looking at me.
“Tell me, Y/N...” She started. Zuko straightened immediately.
“Be quiet, Azula.” He was quick to respond.
“Relax, Zuzu. I am just making conversation.” She kept her gaze on me.
“What is it, Azula?” I asked irritated. I pinched the bridge of my nose. “We have already spoken so much over the last couple of days. I can’t imagine there is anything left to discuss.”
“You were an excellent liar.” I raised one eyebrow. A compliment… I think.
“A good lie is hidden within the truth.” I simply said. “And most of what I told you was the truth.”
“I have realised that.” She tilted her head slightly. “But I am trying to figure out what the lies were.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore Azula. It is over.” But clearly not for her.
“Obvisously, I already know the biggest lie.” She narrowed her eyes. “You are with the Avatar…” She paused and looked to see if I would give her a reaction. I didn’t . “But you don’t love the Avatar.” From the corner of my eye, I could see Aang respond. It was barely noticeable, but I saw how his shoulders stiffened, how his body suddenly went rigid. “You love my brother.” She smiled as looked between me and Zuko.
“Azula!” It sounded like a warning. She turned to look at Zuko and shrugged.
“Be happy, brother. Now you finally know the truth.” She looked back at me, a small smile tugged at her lips, one that seemed softer then I had ever seen before. “She loves you too.”
“Enough, Azula.” Zuko was clearly agitated. His eyes locked onto his sister. “Don’t make me cover your mouth.” A final warning. She remained quiet and leaned back. I couldn't make out if it was her goal or not or if she genuinely wanted her brother to know I loved him too, but the tension between the three of us grew instantly.
We flew all day. The day had passed in a blur of clouds and wind, as Appa flew us farther west, back to the palace.
By the time the sun was setting, Aang guided Appa back to the ground. A quick camp was made. I sat with Azula. Aang settled near Appa, though I noticed his eyes frequently drifting toward Y/N. Mine did too.
Y/N had slipped away from the three of us. She was sitting in the tall green grass, facing west. Watching the last bits of the sunset.
“Can you watch Azula for a moment?” I asked Aang. He glanced up from where he sat, before his eyes briefly settled on Y/N.
“Maybe you should let her be for a little while.” He replied.
“I am just going to ask if she is alright.” I told my best friend, who I now also saw as a rival. Finally, he nodded and went to sit where I just sat.
I walked up to her, her back to me. I watched her breathing in some fresh air as the wind moved some strands of her hair. She looked beautiful in the golden sunlight. She seemed to be lost in thoughts. Like she shut out the rest of the world.
“Y/N.” I spoke softly. Her head snapped toward me. A startled expression on her face. But the moment she noticed me, she relaxed. “May I join you for a moment?”
“Sure.” A small smile tugged at her lips. “It is sunset after all.” I smiled widely in return. I lowered myself into the grass beside her. For a brief moment both of us just looked at the peach and pink colors in the sky.
“How are you?”
“I am alright.” There was a certain tiredness behind the words. “Katara looked me over once more before we left.” Then, she nudged her shoulder lightly against my arm. “I will live.” A quiet laugh escaped me.
“That is good news.” For a moment, I allowed myself to enjoy the simple fact of us watching yet another sunset together. I looked back at Y/N. I didn’t have the nerve to ask her how her conversation with Aang was. I wanted to know what was said, if she believed his words, if she wants him too as much as I know he wants her. The words burned against the back of my throat. But I couldn’t force them out.
I watched them walk away this morning. I was the one who told her to talk to him, the one who had said she deserved to know the truth. But it hadn’t stopped the jealousy, the fear, or the sick feeling in my chest as I watched them slip away together. So I asked none of the questions that I desperately wanted to know the answer to. I also knew I had to respect the fact that she needed time. And I would give her that. I had waited so long to be with her, surely I could muster up the restraint of waiting a little while longer for her decision. So instead of asking more, I reached out and rested my hand gently on her shoulder. “I should get back to Azula. I will let you enjoy the last bits of the sunset on your own.” I wanted to stay with her for longer. To sit beside her until the sun disappeared completely. To pretend there wasn’t an impossible choice hanging between us.
But I didn’t want Aang to feel like I was abusing his generosity to stay with Azula, while I got to share a moment with Y/N. Because I knew he wanted a moment with her as well. So without another word, I got up and walked back to Aang and my sister.
“Thank you.” I gave Aang a grateful nod as I approached him and Azula. He looked up and simply returned the gesture.
“Is she okay?” Aang briefly looked beyond me to Y/N.
“Yes. She is fine.” He pushed himself to his feet and walked back to Appa. I turned to look at Azula. I sat down next to her, legs crossed. She followed my movements carefully.
“Azula, we need to talk.”
“What about, brother?” She stated with indifference as she looked away from me. Her gaze toward the darkening horizon.
“Azula…” I leaned forward to her, trying to reestablish contact with her. But she refused to look at me. “Zula…” It was barely above a whisper. A childhood nickname I hadn’t called her since we were young. She snapped her head to me in surprise. We locked eyes and I let the moment linger for a heartbeat longer. Then, I drew a deep breath. “We need to talk about what will happen next.” The little sight of softness vanished from her face instantly.
“I know what will happen next.” Her eyes saddened. “You will lock me up again.”
“No, Zula.” I sighed deeply. “I don’t want to do that. Honestly... I just want you home.” I said the words quietly, almost hesitantly like I couldn’t even believe that that is what I truly wanted. Azula blinked and then let out a humorless laugh.
“You want me home?” She spat out the words with great mockery.
“Yes.” I breathed out. “I do.” I held her gaze.
“You expect me to believe that? After everything that happened over the last few months, these last few days… I am supposed to believe you want me home.” She shook her head in disbelief. When she spoke again, it was softer. It almost sounded like she felt guilty. “I tried to take everything away from you. I tried to hurt you, I tried to kill the person you love most.”
“You really don’t have to remind me of what you did. Trust me, I remember and I will remember for a long time.” I let out a deep breath. “Despite everything and despite a very loud voice in my head telling me I am making a mistake… I still want you home.”
“So after I have done all that, you want me home. But after the war, you put me in a mental facility.” Her voice was suddenly much harsher again. I winced.
“I was a lot younger then.” She countered me immediately with a sad voice.
“So was I.” The words struck hard. It was the truth. My shoulders sagged. I felt guilty.
“I didn't know what to do with you.” I stated in all honesty. “I couldn't have you be free, but I also didn't want to put you in prison. Back then I really thought it was the right thing to do. I thought they could help you. Help you see the wrong in what you did. In the things you believed. In the things you had been taught.”
“You still sent me to a prison. It just had a different name.”
“I know and I am sorry.” I sighed. Guilt settled in my stomach. “I know a lot has happened between us. Bad things.” That was an understatement. “But that doesn’t have to mean that it is too late.” Azula’s eyes dropped to the ground. But I pressed on. “I know you believe that I betrayed you. That I betrayed father.” A bitter smile touched my lips. “But it was he who betrayed us. He made us do things no child should ever have to go through. He made us into weapons.” My voice lowered. “He taught us that fear was strength. That compassion was weakness. That love was conditional.” I drew a deep breath. “He… That man was not a father. He was a monster.” For the first time Azula didn’t argue. She just looked at me. “He is never going to change. But you, Zula...” My voice cracked slightly. “I am begging you. Please forget everything he has taught you and…” She cut me off with a humorless laugh.
“You shouldn’t have to plead to your subjects.”
“You are not my subject.” I countered immediately. Fiercer than I had intended. “You are my sister, Azula.” The words hung between us and they touched her, as we locked eyes I could see something shifting. Just slightly, but I saw it in her whole expression. There was a crack in the armor. A glimpse of something wounded beneath it. “I was a bad brother to you. I should have helped you but I prioritised the rebuilding of our nation above anything and anyone…, including you. But now I want to do things differently. Be different.” My throat tightened. “I want a chance to rebuild the relationship we once had. I want you to be able to live your life. But I need to be sure that you do it according to…” She quietly cut me off again.
“According to how you want me to live it.”
“No.” I shook my head. “I don't want to dictate things to you. But I need to be sure you won't continue thinking and living the way our father taught you. He groomed you…, us, from an early age. We didn’t know any better.” I looked down at the ground.
“You always did.” My head shut up again. Her voice had changed. The sharp edges were gone. “You always had more kindness in your heart.” She looked away quickly after saying it as if the admission embarrassed her. A sad smile touched my lips.
“Maybe…” The word came softly. “Ozai made us believe kindness was a weakness. I promise you… It is not.” I looked her over. She seemed tired. Not angry, or dangerous. Just tired. Like there was no desire in her to fight anymore.
“What if I won't see things the way you want me to.” Her gaze met mine again. “What if I never become the person you think I can be? What will you do then?” A pause. “Lock me up again?”
“I should... but I don't want to.” I tried not to think of that scenario. Because it truthfully broke me to think about it. My eyes drifted briefly toward Y/N in the distance. I nodded my head toward her and Azula followed my gaze. “You told Y/N you wanted a family…” Something flickered across her face. Pain? Longing? Maybe both. “I am right here Azula…” My voice softened.
“You say it as though it is easy.” Her eyes lowered.
“No.” A humorless huff escaped me. “It is not and it will not be. It is probably the hardest thing we will ever do.” I leaned forward and lowered my voice. “Too many bad things have happened. Too much has happened recently for it to be anything other than hard work before there is any sort of trust between us again. But I am willing to do the hard work if you are. So that together we can achieve it and build a relationship again.” I let the words linger as I paused for a moment. “After we found our mother together and after you disappeared… I have looked for you Azula… For weeks. I wanted to find you, not to put you back in the mental facility, but so that you could be a part of the family again. So that we could be brother and sister again. I wanted that back then and I still want that today. I want you in my life, Azula.” The words came quietly. I wasn’t speaking as the Fire Lord. I wasn’t speaking as the ruler of a nation. I wasn’t leaking as a leader. Right now… I was just a brother. Trying desperately to reach his sister. “I have always wanted you in my life. And I hope you want me too. I hope we can be a family again…”
Next chapter: A Breath of Fresh Air... coming soon
A/N: I really wanted to introduce some sort of redemption arc for Azula. Maybe some won't agree with it, given what she has done these last chapters. But I hated that she wasn't given one in the comics.
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Y/N smiled at her group and gave them a bow. Toph lowered the pillar of earth she had raised. Sokka stepped forward to hug her, but she pushed him away and hugged Katara instead.
“That was amazing.”
“Yeah! We were incredible!”
“They were cheering for me.”
“Well, we're a team. They were cheering for all of us,” Toph grumbled.
“Don't you get it? The lead dancer is the one who defines the entire performance. She's the one the audience watches, and she's the one who determines whether they like it or not.”
“Y/N, Toph's right. It was everyone's achievement.”
Before the two of them could start arguing, two servants opened the doors, announcing Zuko's entrance. Katara, Toph, Sokka, and Aang all bowed, but Y/N simply remained seated, drinking some water.
“You were magnificent...” He walked over to her, unable to take his eyes off her. Y/N smiled and offered him her hand. Zuko gently kissed it several times. “I've never seen movements so delicate or such elegance.”
“Finally, someone who understands me.”
“Without a doubt, you were the best birthday gift I could have asked for. You should stay for dinner.”
“Alright. I'll stay for dinner.”
“Y/N,” Katara said, pulling her toward a corner of the room. “That's a bad idea.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean, 'why'? You heard what people were saying at the tea shop. You can't just accept an invitation to dinner with him.”
“Katara, elite dancers do this all the time. We have dinners with prestigious companies, then with major organizations, and later with famous people—even presidents.”
“What are you talking about?” She grabbed Y/N by the wrist. “Please, listen to me. Don't say anything else, and don't accept anything from him. This is going to end badly.”
“You're exaggerating. He's just a king who appreciates true art.”
“I'm saying this because I care about you. We're friends, Y/N. All I want is for you to be happy.”
“There is no friendship in dance. There are only those who shine... and those who envy them. We both know which one you are.”
“Y/N... If you'd just tell me what's wrong... Maybe I could... help you...”
“You know how you could help me?” Y/N pulled away from Katara. “By disappearing from my sight.”
“What?”
Katara stood there in shock as Y/N walked away with Zuko. Her eyes filled with tears. Aang hurried over in concern, but she threw her arms around her boyfriend and broke down crying. Aang gently stroked her brown hair, while Toph sat down in silence, furious after having heard every word of their conversation.
“What happened?”
“Are you stupid?” Toph snapped at Sokka. “If you'd stop drooling over Y/N for five seconds, you'd realize she's completely ungrateful.”
“I don't understand...” He looked at Toph, then at Katara, before turning his gaze back to the doorway. “Will she come back?”
“No. We'd better pack our things and leave. We're only in the way here.”
Zuko walked beside Y/N. Her blonde hair looked even more beautiful beneath the natural light, its golden highlights catching the sun. Her fair complexion was like a canvas that perfectly showcased the clothes she wore, while her lilac eyes resembled freshly bloomed lilacs. It was that delicate beauty that kept drawing the Fire Lord's gaze back to her.
Zuko's attention shifted from Y/N to Mai, who was smiling warmly at the dancer. She stepped forward and gently took Y/N's hands.
“You're a wonderful dancer. You were right that day.”
“Huh?”
“When those other two dancers came out first, I thought you'd scammed me. Looking back, I did think it was strange that you insisted on being paid in advance.”
Y/N's cheeks flushed bright red with embarrassment. She stammered for a few moments, unsure how to respond. Of course, she never would have asked for payment in advance. That was something people only did out of desperation—something that suggested the dance studio had gone bankrupt. Still, the money she had found among her belongings suddenly made perfect sense. The problem was... Y/N wasn't the same person who had been living this life before.
“It was because of the costumes. We couldn't exactly perform in front of the two of you wearing just anything.” She forced a polite smile.
“Since it was my husband's birthday, I didn't want anything to feel cheap or poorly done. Without question, the way you kept spinning for so long without losing your balance was magnificent.”
“I'm very good at that. My personal record is spinning continuously for three minutes. But I can do much more than that. I'm skilled in many different styles of dance.”
“A truly remarkable dancer, aren't you?”
Mai smiled and let out a soft laugh.
“I invited her to dinner. I hope you don't mind, Mai.”
“It's your birthday, so you're free to invite anyone you'd like.”
The table was filled with a wide variety of delicious dishes. Zuko kept glancing at Y/N, who only pretended to eat. Her plate remained nearly untouched, and she barely took a bite.
“Don't you like the food? I can have something else prepared for you.”
“No, not at all. Everything looks wonderful. Even so, I need to maintain my weight so I don't lose stamina or agility in my dancing. I follow a very strict diet consisting of water and carrot sticks.”
“Oh... That doesn't sound healthy. You should eat more.”
“I don't care whether it's healthy or not. It's what I've always done, and I'm not going to change it.”
Zuko offered an awkward smile and nodded. On stage, Y/N looked like a dancing nymph; off the stage, however, she was the very embodiment of pride and indifference toward anything that wasn't perfection.
“I have a royal dance troupe. They're truly exceptional.”
“Really? That's nice.”
“They're among the finest dancers in the nation, which is why I wanted to ask you something.” He lifted his glass and took a sip to hide his nerves. “Would you be interested in joining them?”
“Yes!”
Y/N didn't hesitate for another second. After all, this was the opportunity she had dreamed of before the truck accident. She remembered how, back home, her mother had forced her to repeat the very same exercises she'd been practicing at dance school.
“Come on, faster. Spin faster.”
“I can't anymore, Mom.” Little Y/N felt dizzy, yet she forced herself to spin once again.
“You need to go faster. Don't you see how professional dancers spin? You have to stand out.”
The seven-year-old girl spun and spun without a moment to catch her breath. A sharp pain in her stomach finally made her stop. The world whirled around her, while her mother's shouting only made her dizzier. She collapsed to the floor, scraping her knee.
“Get up.”
“I can't, Mom. My knee hurts.”
“I said get up. Do you think you'll be able to say that in the middle of a performance? If you fall, you get back up and do it again, over and over, until the people who looked down on you have no choice but to admire you.”
“But... that's not what Katherine says.”
“Who's Katherine?”
“A friend of mine from dance class.”
“A friend?” Her voice dripped with mockery. “Don't be foolish, Y/N. There are no friends in dance. There are only those who shine... and those who envy them. That little brat is jealous of you. Now start spinning again.”
Y/N obeyed and resumed spinning just as her mother demanded. She stopped again when the pain in her knee flared up, but before she could complain, she saw the fury in her mother's eyes. She didn't even have time to feel the nausea before she vomited.
“I don't feel well.”
“That's because you eat like a pig. Starting tomorrow, you'll drink nothing but water and eat carrots. If you gain weight, you won't be able to do anything on stage.”
“But Mom, I'll be hungry if all I have is water and carrots.”
“Dance is survival,” she declared coldly. “Only one person can stand at the top.”
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Zuko was still lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. He let out a quiet, weary sigh, feeling an emptiness deep inside him. He closed his eyes, remembering how he had overthrown his father. His uncle's death. His mother's death. The day he had been forced to fight his father and received the burn over his eye. Pain and rage. Those two words were all he had ever known.
“My lord, you must get up. Lady Mai wishes for you to celebrate this day with your loved ones.”
“Do I still have those?” he asked, turning toward the servant with an empty gaze.
“Pardon, my lord?”
“It's nothing. I'll be there shortly.”
The servant bowed before leaving. Zuko got out of bed, dark circles beneath his eyes and looking paler than usual. He opened his wardrobe and grabbed the first thing he saw. Then he tied his hair into a half-up bun, leaving the rest loose. As he stepped outside, he immediately noticed the preparations for his birthday.
“And what's with all the decorations?”
“My Lord Zuko,” the maid said with a bow. “Forgive me, but Lady Mai forbade me from telling you anything about it. It's a surprise.”
Zuko smiled, realizing how much effort Mai had put into it. Without his mother or his uncle, he often felt alone, but Mai made everything feel calmer and easier to bear. He headed out to the garden, knowing she would be there. When he saw her, he walked over and gently rested a hand on her shoulder.
“Mai.”
She flinched and quickly hid the burn beneath the long, flowing sleeves of her robe. Then she turned to him and offered him a serene smile.
“Zuko...” They embraced for a few seconds. “Today is your special day.”
“You're the only one who would remember this day and actually do something about it.”
“This day is very important to me. The day you were born gave meaning to my life.”
“Don't say things like that, Mai. If I had never existed, you'd still be the same person you are now.”
“No, Zuko, I wouldn't.” She hugged him again, and Zuko gently stroked her back. “Without you, everything would have been a disaster. And yet, here we are. Married. On your birthday. I have some wonderful surprises waiting for you.”
“I can't wait to see them.”
Y/N was sitting while the others were still dancing. Before long, she raised her hand, and they were all grateful they could finally stop.
“Was that any better?” Katara asked, exhausted.
“Less of a disaster than the last few times. Seriously, how did you all manage before?”
“Because you were the one doing most of the dancing.”
“Those dance steps were awful.”
“Don't say that, Y/N. You've always loved dancing, and you're amazing at it.” Aang placed a hand on her shoulder.
“Hey, stop saying I used to love dancing. I don't.” She brushed his hand away and looked at him with annoyance.
“Come on, let's pack everything up and head to the palace.”
“Katara, I don't think I can...” He stretched with a groan. “Between all the hits I've taken and that brutal routine, I'm going to end up with every bone in my body broken.”
“The day that happens, you'll know you've become a true dancer.” She smiled before spinning around.
“And you say you don't like dancing?” Toph asked irritably.
“Are you blind?”
“I don't need my eyes to see how spoiled and arrogant you are.”
“Spoiled?” She crossed her arms. “I'm not used to being talked down to by little brats who can't even keep the rhythm. You can't even do a simple plié properly, so why should I listen to you?”
“You know what I can do well?”
Toph stepped up to Y/N, but Y/N refused to be intimidated. Aang quickly moved between them, trying to calm the situation.
“Are you two seriously going to fight now? We have to go. Make up already and give each other a hug.”
“As if I'd ever hug her!” they both shouted at the same time, crossing their arms and turning their backs on each other. Aang let out an awkward laugh and scratched the back of his head.
“I see. You're both just as stubborn.”
In the palace, the servants were already hurrying from one place to another. Zuko didn't even understand why everyone seemed so nervous or full of anticipation. He watched Mai straightening the tablecloths, carefully arranging everything in search of perfect order. He sat down on his throne, his gaze fixed on the center of the hall.
“Happy birthday, brother.”
Azula sat where Mai was supposed to be, and that immediately irritated Zuko. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye and gave a slight shake of his head.
“I wasn't expecting you to wish me a happy birthday, Azula. In fact, you don't have to. I don't even want a present from you.”
“Brother, you really should let go of those little attempts to—”
“To kill me?” he interrupted. “Stage a coup? Poison me?”
“That's just what siblings do, you know. Tough love.”
“You're sadistic and selfish. Just like Father.”
“And you're someone who's constantly looking for validation.” She rose from the throne. “Just like Mother. Seems blood isn't as thick as people say. There's always one who goes astray.”
“Yes, I can certainly recognize that in you.”
Azula let out a soft laugh before placing a hand on his shoulder, giving him a faint smile. Zuko's serious expression never changed as their eyes met. Anyone could sense the tension between them.
“The wolves are close... dressed in sheep's clothing.”
Zuko said nothing. He simply brushed Azula's hand off his shoulder. His expression only softened when he saw Mai approaching. Azula smiled and walked away.
“Was she bothering you?” Mai asked as she sat beside him. Zuko smiled at her before gently kissing her forehead.
“No. She was just wishing me a happy birthday. I see you really went all out.”
“And even so, you deserve so much more.”
Zuko was about to reply when the music suddenly began. The lights went out. Zuko tensed and immediately looked around for Azula.
“Are you an idiot or just pretending to be one?!”
The voice echoed through the hall, leaving everyone confused. A loud thud followed, and Sokka cried out in pain after Toph landed a solid hit on him.
“Please, you guys,” Katara pleaded.
“Keep it down, everyone can hear you.” Y/N closed her eyes and let out a quiet sigh. “One... two... three... and go...”
The music began softly as Katara and Toph stepped onto the stage with a series of clumsy little jumps. The audience laughed, and Mai covered her face. She had been expecting a professional performance. Zuko gently took her hand to reassure her.
“It's alright, Mai. I like it.”
“You're too kind, Zuko. This is ridiculous. I trusted that blonde girl's word. She seemed desperate to be hired, and I thought a dance performance would be something you'd enjoy.”
The melody gradually became softer and more graceful. A powerful gust of wind swept through the hall. Zuko instantly went on guard, but then another gust lifted Y/N into a flawless grand jeté. Her dress billowed around her, making her look absolutely magnificent. The audience held its breath. Even Zuko didn't realize he had stopped breathing, his eyes fixed wide open on her.
When Y/N landed gracefully and finished in fourth position, she offered a beautiful smile. Katara and Toph moved to her sides. The three of them performed a series of fluid, elegant movements in perfect synchronization, while Sokka and Aang executed heavier movements that matched the powerful beat of the drums.
“Wow... That's incredible.”
“Is it telling a story?”
“She looks like an angel.”
The compliments brought a smile to Y/N's face, but she quickly refocused. Sokka seized her arm and pulled her toward him, dipping her into his embrace before smoothly guiding her across the floor. Aang lifted Katara, who tried to imitate what she had seen Y/N do. Her body began to tremble, forcing Aang to set her back down immediately.
The two dance pairs soon launched into a powerful sequence that kept the audience captivated. Y/N performed a series of light jumps as Sokka wrapped an arm around her waist and lifted her elegantly into the air. Toph raised a section of the ground just enough for him to set Y/N down on it, leaving her elevated so everyone in the hall could see her.
She spun rapidly, maintaining her balance until the very end of the music. Then she settled into first position, and silence filled the room. Zuko rose to his feet and applauded enthusiastically. A heartbeat later, the hall erupted with passionate applause and praise.
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