i just want to be held and loved and told it will be okay for just once in my life

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i just want to be held and loved and told it will be okay for just once in my life
TFW when you're good enough to hang out with on any given Monday....unless it's a holiday.
that feeling that you get when your friends ditch you for the fourth time and post it all over their snapchats thinking you wont find out...
I feel like complete shit and there's a person that did this to me. I shouldn't let it get to me, I should let it go. That being said there's a bottomless pit in my stomach.
Nobody fucking cares, and it hurts so bad. I'm so ugly when I cry. And I cry because I feel ugly. Another Friday alone. And no one cares. Because everyone has someone. Who needs me? I'm so raw from all the disappointment. And I'm so sick of being last choice. I hate being the girl he doesn't want people to think he's dating. I hate being her because she's not good enough. I don't deserve to be told that... but that doesn't take it back. It's too late. And I can't look in the mirror again. Because it all comes flooding back. I hate him so much, and every one who's reputation was more important than my emotional wellbeing. I want to go to sleep and never wake up. But I also want to wake up happy for once. I want to look in the mirror and feel whole. I want to thrive. But I can't keep being put down, or I'll put down for a bottle of Xanax, and I might never be the same.
There is no worse feeling in this world than being let down, especially when your hopes were so high.
So....I think I'm in a weekly relationship but.....we aren't talking so....in a way I guess I'm not.....