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i need to sit on an older man’s lap while he plays with my hair and tells me about all his stories before i was even made

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the thing is if you’re shy it’s much easier to be embarrassed, especially if you know the doctor’s being very patient with you while you make it hard for them to do their job. changing into the hospital gown, tying it in the front, but keeping on your underwear. hoping maybe this time will be different. laying down on the table and shaking with nerves. doctor squeezing your hand as they pull open the gown, pressing down on your stomach gently. touching up near your chest, and then slowly moving down towards your belly button, until they have to slide two fingers under the band of your underwear. they tell you they’re very sorry, and it’ll just take a second, but your stomach is doing flips as they feel over your bladder, folding the cloth down to assess the skin there. “relax, it’s not going to hurt”, but your stomach’s just so tense they tell you they’re a little worried about your pelvic floor, so they’re just going to feel a little lower. their hands are gentle, almost cautious, as they slide under the fabric of your underwear. they softly press at your skin, feeling out the shape of your inner labia. just checking for tension. finally they touch you where you’ve gotten so wet from the embarrassment. they ask you if this discharge is normal for you, and blushing, you shake your head no. their hands come out & they slowly pull your underwear the rest of the way down. it looks like you’ll need an internal exam.