Nine Clowns Walk Into A Hospital
king: hey wouldn't it be funny if we started dominating the world like joker keeps joking about
queen: king, you fucking megalomaniac queen: we go with russia first
OR; Post-Game VR AU where DICE, without it's beloved leader, commit to the bit.
so it was real and it wasn't, almost a sick imitation of limbo, purgatory in which they signed their lives away into it.
they're left in a room where they're all fine, technically, but there are echos of the experience that they can't shake off and they can't, exactly, talk about it, NDAs were such a pain.
they've all agreed to keep contact, if nothing else but the fact that only they could understand what it was like, their own bond forged in blood.
except, there was only one left missing, surgery had to be done the moment his simulation was disconnected, to stop the stress on his bones.
they don't know how to approach him, his presence lingered all the same within their minds, either way.
they're not sure on who's going to come out that door, the one before, the one after or an amalgamation of both.
they're not sure what they want to see.
they never get to.
because there's a knock on a different door and out comes and comes and it never stops until it does and now there's nine new people in their fragile haven, all in white suits and wearing masks, falling in line, waiting.
they ask– of course they ask and the one of the smaller ones, smiles, bared teeth and friendly but no doubt, ready to bite.
"we're waiting for joker."
it takes a while, but the detective is the first, easy enough to connect really, when he looks and sees– checkered items, somewhere on their person, black and white, whether that be socks, bracelets or their masks.
"you're- DICE...?"
they grin but say nothing else, waiting, watching, they're not here for them.
and when the doors burst open, grand entrance for a grand leader, heterochromatic eyes– and wasn't that a surprise, it shouldn't but it is– taking stock of the room, pausing in recognition to the lackeys he's missed, mouth parting to call only to stop.
kokichi stares, no grins, no cheeky remarks and it's almost more off putting to see him without his sharp edges and the DICE members fidget and squirm.
"what did you do?"
one of them cracks, "it was king's idea."
"lead by jack's unit!" "under queen's orders!"
they fall into squabbling and they have to blink and wonder why the fuck were they intimidated at all by these people.
"my royal flush, my sweet suits." kokichi trills in the tone of a waiting disappointed father or a simmering angry mother, a role reversal that has them all silenced as he smiles.
"what did you do?"
it's quiet, one of the boys cough.
"you won the russian election?"
...what.
but the biggest surprise was that kokichi wasn't, instead looking exasperated and checking his phone.
"i was gone for a month."
"it was a bet-" "we wanted to see if we could-" "come on, joker, you kept saying stuff about world domination-!" "you like the cold!" "we can go ice skating for free now-" "joker, please don't be mad-" "dad-" "HA! you called him dad, again!" "da- joker, it's a gift, surprise?"
DICE all but scrambles over to their boss, one of them begins putting on a hat and cape and his signature bandana, on top of the hospital gown he was still wearing.
"who were the other candidates?"
"they were assholes, joker-" "nooo, i don't want them in power." "come on, joker, they're letting us have panta imported there." "the public loves you-" "plus with danganronpa you're already in the public eye-"
they all watch as DICE fall over themselves to make up to their disgruntled head of the organization.
"and i'm guessing we have new recruits?"
"yeah!!! you're not lying when you said you have 10k now, boss!"
"gods, you're all clowns." "hey now, boss you called us a circus for a reason!"