#dnddummies

[dnddummies]

That poor goblin...

My players are in a fight with a group of 10-12 goblins. They’re all level six so it’s not a huge deal for them. Our party consists of a Druid, an artificer, a rogue, a ranger, and a barbarian who specializes in hand to hand combat.

The rogue is hanging back and not participating in the fight while the rest of the party besides the barbarian launch ranged attacks. The barbarian however decides he must be in the middle of the party of goblins.

He manages to grab two by the head (which I allow because he is an 8ft tall Goliath) and is attempting to bash them together when a goblin comes up behind him and attempts to stab the only part he can reach, our barbarians ass.

The goblin manages to stab the sword into his rear and I thought we could move on from that silliness, but the barbarian requests to roll to clench. I allow it out of amusement and he rolls a 28 for a strength check.

The goblin and his sword are now stuck in our barbarians ass.

Cut to the barbarian repeatedly slamming his ass goblin into a cave wall.

Not to mention the other goblin who critically missed his attack on the barbarian and was subsequently killed by the ass goblin.

I am far to leinient.

[kinginminecraft]

minecraft says gay and trans rights, babey!

[dnddummies]

Heart of Gold

Our fatigued barbarian had just made it back to an inn after a tough battle with some cultists and wights who were attempting to sacrifice a young child. The rest of our party decided they wanted to talk to the innkeeper and his wife (but apparently we’re being too loud).

Ranger: “what do you know about the occult sacrifices in the forest?”

Barbarian: “SHUT UP”

Barbarian (ooc): “I want to throw my bedside table at the inkeeps”

DM: “.... roll...”

It was an 18.

DM: “You chuck a table down from the balcony where your room is and flatten the innkeepers wife. She is now prone under a table and very much in pain.”

Barbarian (ooc): “Yesss. And now I want to throw the whore that was in my bed down there too at the barkeep.”

Party: “WTF??!”

DM: “.... roll I guess?”

Rolls a 7

DM: “Okay... You throw her but your aim is wide and she lands on and breaks a table in the middle of the room. Thankfully the table cushioned her fall so she’s unhurt but unconscious. Good job.”

Barbarian: “IF YALL DONT SHUT UP ILL DO WORSE NEXT TIME. I’m going to bed...”

Barbarian ooc after seeing our horrified faces: “I may have a soft spot for kiddies but everyone else can go fuck themselves.”

[dnddummies]

Surfing.

Our barbarian stole our rangers skillet, rolled a 23 athletics check, and managed to ride the skillet down a steep hallways and directly into an underground river.

[dnddummies]

Colborn the Musical

In our DND campaign our bard got bored while hanging out with the barbarian and after a bit of convincing, ended up writing him a theme song. It is set to the tune of Gaston from Beauty and the Beast and includes lines like “he uses orc skins in all of his decorating” and “no ones thicc as Colborn”, and ultimately ended in a very disappointed DM.

[kinginminecraft]

finally put in the effort and made a storage system in my base!! its small rn but im gonna expand it!!!!