My rheumatologist appointment is on Tuesday and I am full curled up in a ball rocking back and forth about it
I’m terrified the diagnosis is essentially going to come down to “It’s all in your head.”
I can’t afford repeat appointments, and I can’t afford testing, and I can’t afford physiotherapy. I have a whole lot riding on this appointment, my existing test results, and my self-report.
Today my left knee is weak and subluxing every couple of hours. Since Friday night, my left shoulder has been clicking in and out of the joint. My left wrist, elbow, hip and ankle are all throbbing.
I’m getting similar pain in my right hip and knee. My shoulders are rock-hard with tension and absolutely throbbing down my shoulder blades.
I’ve been experiencing allodynia for the past three days, so I’ve lived in the same pair of pants and shirt because they’re all that I can stand on my skin. I can’t wear a bra. My cat headbutted my arm and I almost shrieked. I can’t keep GOING like this.
I can’t keep going like this. There has to be something wrong. Something diagnosable, something tangible. I’m not making this up.