#doella

[moonbeamsinherwake-blog]

So, now that Hook's gone are you going to get back together with Doc?

Hook's gone? I had no idea- I've been trying to avoid any place that he'd be because of my fath-...

But no. Doc and I didn't work the first time, why would we now? And I'm sure after a recent breakup with my sister he'd agree entirely. I'm just thankful that we're able to be friends again.

[moonbeamsinherwake-blog]

Goodbye Love || Doella

Adella was thankful that her roommate was out of the room as she closed her laptop and wiped the tears away from her eyes. She didn't know why she spilled everything about Hook to Doc but she already wished that she hadn't. He seemed so upset and it hurt her so much. After arguing back and forth for a good while online she realized she couldn't take it anymore. The only way to resolve anything would be to see each other in person.

She could already tell it was going to be painful going over to his room but she bit her lip and got off of her bed resolving to go anyway. It took her longer than she would have liked to get ready- she tried to calm down the puffiness of her eyes and untangle her hair so it was less obvious what a toll the upset was taking on her physically. She kept her pajama shorts on and threw a white shirt over her tank top, taking a deep breath and heading out of her room. 

Running up to the senior hallway she paused when she reached the common room. Could she really do this right now? No. But she had to. She needed to figured things out. She moved slowly towards Doc's room, each step making her feel more unsettled. Finally reaching his door he tentatively reached up and knocked, waiting for him to open.

[moonbeamsinherwake-blog]

Wasted on Fixing All the Problems That You Made in Your Own Head || Self-Para

Adella woke to the feeling of sun warming her face. Immediately, even though she was still half-asleep she knew that something was out of place- the sun never touched her in her dorm bed. Shaking off sleep and opening her eyes she felt the disorientation hit her but, not a stranger to waking up in unfamiliar places, she quickly pieced the parts of the previous night together and eagerly looked to the other side of the bed to see if James was awake yet.

He wasn’t there. Panic didn’t hit her immediately, though the persistent feeling of abandonment that she was always trying to get rid of started faintly resonating within her. He’s probably just downstairs, she rationalized, slipping out of the bed and walking towards the dresser with the cracked mirror. Obviously the night before hadn’t been some crazy dream that ended up in her sleepwalking into an abandoned building, the things that proved she had indeed been reunited with the boy she had tried so hard to forget were all around her. Pulling his jacket tighter around her she walked towards her hat, staring at the odd folded piece of paper on top of it. Proof that he had woke first. He would be downstairs, she knew it.

Placing the pirate hat on top of her head she walked out of the bedroom with a smile, peering into each room that she passed looking for him, her heart sinking a little more each time that he wasn’t there. It became apparent that he wasn’t in the boathouse and she struggled to keep her composure as she left, slamming the front door behind her. Adella could feel angry tears biting at her eyes as she stared at the lake but knew that she couldn’t really be surprised. “This is what he does,” she mumbled to herself, starting to get the feeling that leaving was his MO. In the distance she could hear voices and realized classes must have already started for the day.

There was no way in hell she was going to walk past people the way that she was dressed. She looked down at her clothes, crinkled from sleeping in them, wearing a jacket that wasn’t hers and a hat that made her stand out- if she walked back to campus now she’d look like she was doing a mid-week walk of shame, which would have been spot on except that she wasn’t ashamed for the reason that everyone would assume. She was ashamed of herself for falling right back into things with the boy that had already left her alone once, not because she’d had sex with someone and was trying to sneak  back to her dorm unnoticed. But that’s what everyone would think, and that would surely be a rumor that would reach Doc’s ears.

A blush colored her face as she thought of the older boy, and she sat down by the water feeling almost guilty that he hadn’t crossed her mind a single time the past evening. Her feelings were overwhelming her. It seemed implausible that just hours before she had felt happier than she had in ages, now she was just a mess of anger, sadness, guilt, self-loathing- all things negative, all of the good felt like it had drained out of her. Feeling tears finally escaping her eyes she mentally chastised herself for being so weak, so pathetic, for showing a side so vulnerable in a place that she wasn’t familiar with.

She let the tears and pain fade away and simmer into anger before she stood and threw the stupid folded piece of paper into the water and walked away. Voices had died down now, she would finally be able to get into her room without looking like some easy girl who’d let herself get taken advantage of. As the dorm building came into view she ripped the jacket off of her and folded it with the hat, shivering as the chilly morning air hit her flimsy white top. Whatever. She fished her cell phone out of her pocket, surprised to see that it hadn’t died during the night. Letting her sense of betrayal take complete control of her she found her Tumblr app and quickly typed out an angry message to James. It made her feel a little better. A tiny smile crossed her lips.

Adella was done with it all. She was finished with the boy who had let her down and finished with the boy who would soon be let down by her. She didn’t need either of them. What she needed to do was be more herself instead of struggling to get along with everyone and make good first impressions and smile and wave like the fucking princess that she was. Adella didn’t need to rely on anyone but herself. The realization made her smirk as she through open the dorm building’s door and walked through the halls with a self-important swagger.

She made her way up to her room and opened the door unsurprised to find that her roommate wasn’t there- she was one of those class-types. She saw that a piece of paper had been laid on her desk and she picked it up to read as she dropped James things haphazardly into a chair. It was an apology, and his number, both of which she decided to disregard for now rolling her eyes as she placed the paper on top of the pile of his things. Walking to her closet she pulled out a change of clothes and changed into them on the spot before heading back out of her door to find some trouble to get into to take her mind off of things.