ENTRY . 04 sometimes i think i'm just not good for people, you know, that it's not good for them to be around me. / @thefixer
IS THIS THE TONE FOR THE NIGHT ? Jackson nods as she talks, he can RELATE to Mia, and god knows he’s got ENOUGH self-deprecation for the both of them. Coffee settles and he deeply sighs, the clubhouse long gone. Replaced by some makeshift coffee joint, and Jackson knows that what they feel is HEAVY. They’re entitled to that feeling, and now? Mia is STEWING in self-hatred. ‘ What do you want me to say? ’ Tonality calm as he looks into her eyes and a hand reaches for hers across countertop, ‘ If we’re doing THIS . . . I dunno if I can tonight ’ HEAD aches, and bones are weary. YES, what they do is dark, and ugly. Yet? They’ve accepted that fact, and now --- NOW all they can do is find happiness where they can. Should he feel guilty about the love he’s found ? That mere WEEKS ago he had killed a man who had children and a wife waiting at home. That’s the luck of the draw, that man had ALSO made the decision to get into CRIME, and with that came the nagging notion that DEATH was a moment away.
‘ You got me baby, I’m not GOIN’ anywhere . . . christ I can barely manage to leave this world as it is ’ MORBID humor as lips tug the slightest bit upwards, and at last his hand covers hers and he gives it a gentle squeeze, ‘ We’ve never been EASY have we ? ’ LIPS tug upwards once more as he continues conversation, ‘ Maybe that’s why we found one another . . . we don’t have to apologize for what we do, WHO we are ’ voice low as he continues to stare into her eyes, ‘ MAYBE that’s alright Mia we don’t go lookin’ for people’s lives to FUCK up it just happens, people know what they walk into when they commit to a life of crime or being a FUCK ’ SHAKES head as he clears throat, ‘ Nah I’m not sorry about it . . . I’m too busy to spend time mourning for people that I’ve killed ’ HONEST as morals hit a sort of GREY area.
‘ Some of them had it comin’ , some just thought that their bad SHIT would never catch up with them ’ Somewhere the town clock hits 2 AM and he lets go of her hand as he reaches behind him for leather KUTTE, ‘ That’s where we’re different from some people we KNOW that shit will catch up with us . . . happiness for us is FLEETING ’ stands as arms make their way into kutte, and he reaches for phone that’s lying on table, ‘ C’mon let’s go home, I wanna lay in a bed with you and hold your body close to mine before I wake up to the SHIT I have to deal with tomorrow. ’
