Meet me, pretending to be an author
I’ve talked about blogging for years, mostly to myself in my own head. I think I had one or two or five in middle school, and a bit in high school with my very angsty emotions. I really never thought I’d be the adult to sit and want to blog about things, and hope other people might follow along for entertainment, or in an effort to get to know me. But really, this is Tumblr, does anyone actually read these things anymore?
As of 02/27/2021, I’m a twenty-six year old cis-woman living in a two bedroom townhome with her mother and younger sister. I had aspired by this point in life to have graduated college and be living on my own, probably with a husband and kids and a dog and cats, or something. But as I got older, went through some college, and just came into my twenties, I’ve begun to realize that a lot of that isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. There’s nothing really wrong with living “at home” (I say it like that because I’m not living off of my mother, we share the lease and I pay timely rent/utilities every month). I don’t drive, I rely on rides from family and friends, or I walk or bus places, and occasionally utilize Uber. I am fortunate enough to live in a city where public transportation is decent, and there are is no shortage of Uber/Lyft/cab company drivers around most corners. I didn’t finish college, but I wish to at some point in the future, though I really don’t know what I’d finish up with.
I work in a school, I’m one of two secretaries to eight guidance counselors at the high school level. I like this work, and I like the people I work with. Previously I’ve worked as a child care worker, at an amusement park (where I was run over by a ride, but we’ll hear about that later in another post), in a mailroom for the state health marketplace, housekeeping in a hospital Emergency Department, and as a main school secretary at the middle school level. While it sounds like a lot for someone very young, I try to remind myself that I was never hopping jobs simply because I was bored, I was always doing it for more opportunities and looking to grow in my career. I am in a position which I really enjoy, and feel I could retire in the school system in about 30-40 years and be happy about the work I’ve done. With or without college, I am happy with this as a choice in life thus far.
I’ve been on a long mental health journey as well, all starting with high anxiety and depression at a young age, that I and seemingly my parents seemed to dismiss as normal age appropriate reactions. Once I hit college and realized that it wasn’t normal to want to crawl out of your skin every time someone called on you in class, nor was it normal to cry yourself to sleep over most things, I began to seek help. It began with college counseling, progressed to my doctor, and so on. Anxiety, depression, social anxiety, major depressive episodes, anger issues, grief problems, and finally we settled on BiPolar Disorder II. Again, we will explore this more in a later post.
It’s important to note that I won’t go in chronological order, as I will probably just write as things come into my head, and as a way to vent about things I think about daily. So one post might reference an incident with a childhood friend, and then we might hop fifteen years into the future and discuss my long-distance relationship with a gentleman in France. I can’t promise anything will ever make sense to begin with, but at some point along the way, I do hope things will click into place for the readers who choose to follow along.
I guess this is about it for now, a very lengthy and probably not very helpful description of myself. I aim to post once a day, but I think I may be lucky if I post weekly with the way my memory goes. Basically, welcome to it being Tough Growing Up.