There is such a discernible difference between like and love to me. I think..not people, but society as a whole has the full reality of love(among a lot of other things) fucked up. As nice and beautiful as it can be..love can be ugly and painful..and pathetic. But to rag on love aint my point. I suppose I can best describe it as the love a mother has for their child. When you love you do what you don't want to do for that other person, selflessness yes but you go through shit you just wouldn't for anyone. For some reason it's easier to do because it's them.
I say all of that to say that I don't think alot of people love themselves. Like?yea sure why not. But love ? nahh.
Going back to the metaphor involving parenthood..for a full 18+ years your mom(or dad,mom & dad, grandparents nigga you getting my drift) took care of you and still put up with all of the dumb, fucked up, unnecessary stuff you did in your early adolescence and early adulthood..and beyond. All that extra time , attention, and money put towards someone(s) who don't listen..in a way I'm seeing it from their perspective and saying that if your guardian was just your friend..they'd of been stop fucking with you. But love is the differential.
To make a full circle..when it comes to doing things we don't want to do..or things that are hard to do..scary etc for our own betterment..when it comes to needs vs wants..we go for wants more oft.
Like school for example. Given that I knew I would have to work as well as go to class..I'd still manage to make time..too much time anyway, for social gatherings, smoke sessions, kickbacks, going out to eat, weekend getaways..when I knew I had shit to study for or extra credit to be doing.In retrospect I feel like I wasn't loving myself because I wasn't doing everything in my power to make what I needed happen. I wasn't able to sacrifice..compromise with myself, to find a middle ground between what I wanted and what I needed. And I made those decisions because I like smoking lol and when the time is right hanging..and etc Feel like I was satisfying the part of me that liked myself, but not the part of me that loved myself. Maybe because he didn't exist at the time.Idk..i just feel that doing the more difficult things in life..whatever your goal may be, quitting cigarettes, graduating, losing weight,learning a trade, saving money, going out of the country..whatever takes a level that requires some shed of like. It seems the bigger things in life. The bigger changes require something different. And the like you have for yourself is so comfortable it's easy to get lost in, it's easy to miss loving yourself. Easy to even misunderstand what that shit really means. But I feel like I'm learning more so everyday. And I hope as many people that can learn. So we can all see how our lives change when we start doing things that really speak to us loving ourselves, and not this petty ass forthemomentlike shit. Fuck allat.
