#dog poops

[bubblegumfluffer]

My mom woke up to the sound of someone screaming like "aaaaugh" so she got up and went into the living room and she sees my dog

Having explosive diarrhea

All over our carpet

"Aaaaaugh"

[youreapeein]

The Curious Incident of the Dog Poops in the Night-Time

The other night Narcis was working and his Mom gave me a ride back to our house from the patisserie. When I unlocked the door, I noticed a small pile of shriveled turds next to our front stoop. I knew they weren't there when I left, and they hadn't been recently pooped. They were old and someone had put them there. I saw that one of our neighbors was home (we have 4 houses flanking ours, all vacation homes of people from Barcelona/France, all only occasionally used), and figured he did it. I guessed they were over near his house and he assumed they were ours and we hadn't cleaned them up (not true). Still, I thought it was kind of funny.

Narcis got home a few hours later, and I told them the story. He'd just come from a horrible day at work in which one kid had spit on the back of another kid's head when he was driving a bunch of them in the van, and we was in a terrible mood and I shouldn't have told him and I knew.

He swept all the poops over to right infront of the neighbor's door, and as he was doing it the neighbor and his wife arrived home in their car. A rough translation of the scene that transpired:

"Did you put these poops in front of my house?"

"What? Me? No!"

"Don't lie to me!"

"Okay, I did it. But those are your dog's poops!"

"I pick up my dog's poops! See those bags over there! (Points at little nook carved out in the stone next to our door, which was probably made to accommodate a statue of a saint at one time, but is currently a holding place for filled poop bags that we are too lazy to walk to the garbage can in the plaza 40 feet away.) Those are my dog's poops! I'm not the only person with a dog in this town!"

"Okay, okay kid. Calm down. I'm sorry."

"No, don't tell me to calm down! The next time you put poops in my door, YOU EAT THEM."

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I thought they were yours. Calm down, kid."

This went on for a little while longer. During the conversation the wife quietly snuck inside her house. Definitely out of fear. Maybe because Narcis threatened the neighbor (who is probably 70-something) a few more times that if he ever did it again he would "eat the poops."

NOW, the neighbor is actually pretty sweet with the dogs. He even knows their names. He laughs when Victor ALWAYS pees on his car tires, which is a thing that all Spanish dogs do for some reason. Even the wife says hello to us. The other day I couldn't find Lola, and she had wandered through their open door and was exploring their house while they watched and laughed. 

So, mystery solved. Who would have guessed that threats to eat dog poop were something that you could rebound from into casual neighbor friendship?

[bartonville]

#47 Tencat 2/13 8:20p

Ambiance: The long bar is dark and divey, anchored by a classic Schlitz/Pabst bar with the glass pipe lighting. It's a classy local place of days gone by. The back area is equipped with Frank Thomas Big Hurt and Demolition Man pinball, a fireplace and loungy seating. The music ranged from Bebop to ol'skoo juke blues mixed with Southern rock jam band, pleasantly near my wheelhouse. 

Experience: Oh man (This draft has sat for a while, and Oh Man become a rating scale for out-there experiences). The lady-friend of a billiardaro (a new word for billiard player, and now that I've explained it have negated the efficiency I thought I might inject) D, I think her name was, noted that she was a tender since 8 years old and managed to mumble some legal justification now lost to the ether. D also notes that her dog won't shit in  the bar after walking in shrouded by the burnt celery waft of cannabis.

TenCat is the kinda place where  the bar tender shoots pool on shift, I suppose that's better than taking a cigarette break. 

Later I was treated to some nice conversation and beer with a lad from Ireland who was keen to share a bit of advice, "Always keep the driver's side in the middle and you can drive anywhere." This will come in handy.

Drink: O'so Hopdinger: on special nice and smooth balanced with hop forward with light backend; Breckenridge Avalance, nice and malty. Thought I was done when the bartender had an extra pour of a German Weiss (not sure which). A nice selection of beers, if not surprising considering the clientele. Chicago is sweet.

Final Rating: Two "Oh Mans" which is a good omen for my return if I'm in the area.