#dogscriptions

[blackbearmagic]

Labradors for the dogscriptions? :D

Labrador Retriever (all colors):

BOING I love you BOING hi there BOING did I mention I love you??

every one of them is an absolute slut for belly-rubs

very good leg-to-body and snout-to-head ratios

just a very good Shape, this dog

is capable of one and only one style of motion, which is leaping and bounding as though they are traversing a treacherous bog, but are also having a lot of fun while doing it

BWOH! BWWWOH!

dogs? good friends to play with

humans? good friends to play with

potentially rabid wild animals? good friends to play with

friendly and delightful, not always “with it”

has more than earned its place at the top of the AKC’s “Most Popular Dog Breeds” list five years in a row

[Send me a dog breed and I’ll describe it like this]

[blackbearmagic]

Describe cats.

Cats:

not dogs

[Send me a dog breed and I’ll describe it like this]

[blackbearmagic]

How about Shiba Inus?

Shiba Inu:

such dog

very prance, dancey feets

sometimes a S C REM

much play, does a wrestle very good yes

not for a petting, such rude, deserving a LOUD bork

so friendly

wow

[Send me a dog breed and I’ll describe it like this]

[blackbearmagic]

Pls explain: chihuahuas

Chihuahua:

only two modes: spoiled shivering rat and precious angel-bat

seriously there is no such thing as an “okay” chihuahua, they are either a nightmare or the sweetest little beans in the world

little baby pittypaws

ears capable of picking up transmissions from deep space

no sense of scale, no concept of their own mortality

AYIP AYIP AYIP EEP

ERRRRREEP

[Send me a dog breed and I’ll describe it like this]

[blackbearmagic]

Idk if this counts as a breed itself but goldendoodles? Or just poodles if not?

I stepped away to get dinner and came back to like six asks for goldendoodles and labradoodles, all from different people, on and off anon. Y’all really like your Fancy Mutts, don’t ya? It’s okay, I like ‘em too.

But, unfortunately, for these silly games, I’m not gonna do mixed breeds. Different dogs will favor different parents in terms of appearance and temperament. I know lots of doodles (golden- and labra- and aussie-), and some of them definitely favor the poodle parent, while others favor the other, and plenty others seem to balance both traits equally. I wouldn’t be able to do the dogs justice, because there can be such a range of behaviors!

[blackbearmagic]

What about Spaniels? Extra points if it's a King Charles❤️❤️

I have known a few spaniels!

Cocker Spaniel:

eyyy it’s a cockerel spanisha girl

shaved backs and neatly trimmed legs is a weird combination but I also am kinda here for it??

big plump puddin paws

Soft Ears

err-uff

shuffles around like a friendly dustmop

mix em with a poodle for an Excellent Friend

English Springer Spaniel:

dainty, graceful

never a hair out of place

“can’t play, I’ll get dirty”

you know you’re a gundog right? like, a dog for hunting?

how ?

Cavalier King Charles Spaniel:

if I pet you will you stop humping everyone

oh good, it worked

very sweet, very loving

very “loving”

walks with a sassy sway to the back and tail

[Send me a dog breed and I’ll describe it like this]

[blackbearmagic]

German Shepards!

Several people have asked for g-sheps, so here you go!

German Shepherd:

a deep ringing bark, like the fall of a judge’s gavel as he sentences a guilty man to life without parole

slopes about like a majestic tiger patrolling his territory

sometimes fucked up haunches tho??

always need to be Doing Things, can never simply live in the moment

looks very noble

probably thinks it is very noble

is in fact a dingus

never met one who wasn’t a dingus

[Send me a dog breed and I’ll describe it like this]

[blackbearmagic]

for dog descriptions could you do pit bulls and/or bulldogs?

I talked about pit bulls here, but bulldogs is pretty broad, so let’s break it down!

English Bulldog:

snork snork snork snork

Does Not Play Well With Others (unless it’s a person, in which case you can totally hang)

grumpy face, grumpy bark, and about 80% grumpy personality

probably because they’re chronically oxygen-starved

and some of them are also sleep-deprived because letting their head droop means cutting off their airways

oops I said it

and I’m never taking it back

idk I have a hard time saying anything wholesomely witty about an animal that has been bred to suffer and struggle, and is so physically deformed that it can no longer mate or whelp naturally

French Bulldog:

AAAGH snork snork snork AAAGH

you know what, I’m just going to stop it at that

this poor kid is no better off than the English

can we either let these breeds just go extinct or stop breeding them to look like they do

can we please stop breeding dogs that struggle to perform basic functions like breathing

thanks

American Bulldog:

snout!! legs!!!

tears around like greased lightning and collapses in a puddle at your feet for belly-rubbins

lumbers around like a big goof

but a happy big goof

a big goof that can breathe

[Send me a dog breed and I’ll describe it like this]