Feeling perplexed right now maybe a little awkward about blogging or journaling for therapeutic reasons. Not really sure what it is to be honest but I’m willing to try. Sometimes things just seem to work out better when I put it out there. So I’m struggling, struggling spiritually, struggling with where I am right now in my relationships. Love my family of course, just feeling like I missed the mark and somehow got pushed aside. I am knocking on 40s door and literally look back at where I have been and there is so much waisted time. Time I can’t get back. Looking forward I am wondering where to place my feet and what I should do from here on. I have always played it safe, don’t get me wrong I took some risks, I was a bit rebellious but knew I couldn’t go too far because I was always afraid I would hurt someone or disappoint them. I’ve done a lot I wish I hadn’t done and passed up opportunities I wish I could get back. I can’t and I am standing here now wanting a closer walk with God like I have never had before, wanting a closer relationship with my husband and my kids. Wondering how to be the wife and mother God wants me to be and most importantly the godly daughter God has always wanted me to be. So here I sit late at night starting this “blog” because I need to release my thoughts as I try something new. Documenting where I am and where I want to go as I delve into this new chapter to do it Gods way and not my way. I know there will be all sorts of comments some encouraging, some not so encouraging, some just curious, curious like I am to see how doing it Gods way will turn out as opposed to my own selfish ways. Jeremiah 29:11 has always been my favorite verse and before I drift off to sleep tonight I will read it again as I have many times before but my hope is that it will bring me a sense of peace while I feel that my life has somewhat gone awry because I always think I know better and I can do it. Let’s just see where this takes me. Praying through it all as well and also writing. Here it goes….
