#dontpanicbutton

[msmaldesigns]

The Council Chambers- The best seat in the house #oh_hobart #dontpanicbutton (at Hobart City Hall) https://www.instagram.com/p/BqRjsPeAe5S/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1xze8rvsz0txo

[angelofgallifrey]

My mom is wearing a red button, too. I can’t explain how happy that makes me. #dontpanicbutton

[angelofgallifrey]

Knowing you’re not alone is so important! #dontpanicbutton #worldmentalhealthday

[anawkwardencounter]

Isn't It Ironic....

So I can't tell if it's ironic or just fucking typical that I have an anxiety attack on World Mental Health Day! But this time it was worse, this time is was at work and I have only been at this job 6 months and so far my anxiety bouts have kindly managed to reserve themselves for weekends however today I wasn't so lucky. 

It has been a very busy few weeks for me, what with family members being ill and then having a lot of work stress and covering for a colleague who had their own issues going on. It all culminated in an anxiety attack this morning - for those that have never experienced them before or know what it is like to suffer with anxiety and panic attacks, here is a little description of how it happens (well at least how it happens for me) - it starts right from when I wake, I wake with this feeling of dread and nervousness, I rack my brain to think of what could be wrong, for an explanation of why I feel so anxious but as usual, nothing comes to mind. After just pushing those feeling aside I just carry on with my day but after a while I just start to feel sick again. I get that butterfly feeling in my stomach but not the good version, I begin to shake and can't focus my mind on anything of than the gut wrenching feeling in the pit of my stomach like the day before a big examine or that horrible conversation you have been dreading all day but for me there is no reason to this feeling, it just is.

So after realising that I can't push it aside any more and my usually calming techniques are not working I usually just take myself of to a quiet space and sit by myself and ride it out but unfortunately there aren't many space to his at work.

I went to the toilet I thought would be least occupied but there was a colleague of mine in there and could see the panic in my face and although I tried to brush her by saying I was fine, apparently I am not a very good lying. After a few minutes a colleague I consider a friend turned up and just stayed with me till my anxiety passed. She talked to me and asked me essentially benign questions but questions that would distract me away from worrying about my anxiety so after 15 minutes or so it did subside and I was able to carry on with my day although I still had a sickly feeling all day which is nothing new.

On the plus side because it is World Mental Health Day, I am supporting the Don't Panic Button campaign (which I am going to boost about all year round), I put my picture of my button on my social media's and got a lot of love back which really cheered me up after my attack so thank you humanity for that!

I don't know what was the straw that broke the camels back in my anxiety today but I do know that I had an epiphany last night, I have no passion in my life. I am not excited by anything, now I don't mean this in a 'I'm so depressed I can't enjoy anything' just that I have nothing that I look forward to life, I don't enjoy my work because of the work pressure at the minute, I don't even home life because of family illness's and I do nothing during the week to look forward too. I haven't read a book in soooo long because I'm too tired from my working day to focus on book. So long story in a nut shell, I am trying to take up writing again to help let my anxiety and the pressure that builds up in my brain.

So yeah, I will start using the blog more to just write nonsense that comes from my mind - as the blog is call myrandomthoughtsaloud!

Thanks for listening guys :]