Day 1: Every story has a page 1...
I'm tasked with finishing this sentence: "The one thing I'd like to do over is..."
Aww geez... Ten minutes spent trying to figure out what the one thing I'd like to do over so I can focus on it for the next ten days. Several things go through my head with this thought: First off, my counselor's going to laugh at me when I tell her what I'm doing. Secondly, no--that's not actually true. I think she'll be interested... or at least humor me. Thirdly, the concept that it has to be measurable, observable, achievable... all these "-ables...." But does it? Can I be a dreamer about it for a second? Can I list the things that I'd love to Do Over? Realistic or not, here's my list.
-- Travel more: JUST GO. Drive, fly, ride a train, whatever. Just go somewhere I'm unfamiliar with and experience something new. New location, new dirt on my shoes, new drinks, just new... ((I think I'm mourning the fact that my passport expired two months ago and for the first time since I was 14, I didn't renew it)) I am INSANELY jealous of people who just pick up and go, or even plan something out.
-- Dye my hair an unrealistic color. When I was in college, there was this girl that dyed her hair all these insane/bright colors. I remember a note on her bathroom mirror to her roommates, when she was helping me dye my hair turquoise the first time: "I'm sorry for the explosion of COLOR. It escaped and needed to be set free. I promise I'll clean it up--as soon as I return with enough Comet."
-- WRITE. All my thoughts. No filter. Fiction or not. Actually, I HAVE been writing, but not online. I've been doing the 2-D thing with ballpoint pens and yellow lines. I'm afraid of writing online anymore, for the reality of the judgement that people will have of me when they've read it. I've been jealous of people who write without fear of what others could say about it, not worrying about whatever they've written because they enjoy it. I've watched my friends participate in NaNoWriMo and every year, I think: "Oh! I've always wanted to try writing a book."
-- Speak a foreign language. I would like to be conversational in something other than English. I would like to not be intimidated by conjugating verbs and colloquialisms. I tried really hard once upon a time on a foreign language, and did alright... until I left it unpracticed.
-- Create art again. I used to doodle on everything, scribbling a cartoon or a portrait. I wasn't sure if my fingers would turn back to a normal color from the residual paint left there, and I miss searching for the right light to capture a thought with a lens.
-- Read thick novels and suck the marrow from their paper spines. Engage a vocabulary larger than VERY and SO, while expanding my philosophy and worldview.
-- Run more than a mile without cursing someone or something. What happened? When did I stop my five mile excursions? Who IS this lazy bum I've turned into?
-- Being affectionate. You laugh--but I've withdrawn into my bubble so much that it's strange when I hug people. I have created this weird internal rule that I have to trust someone before I'll let them physically touch me. "There's too many weirdos out there." or "It's flu season." or "What if they hurt me like the past?" are my excuses. I suppose that this topic could be re-labeled to "Trust people again."
-- Relationships. Ugh. I'm a jerk... at least, that's what I've been telling myself for the last who knows how long. I figure that's a bit better than the "I'm a horrible person" mantra that's been playing in my head since 2007. Don't worry, it's not my voice saying that I'm a horrible person. It's my ex-boyfriend's. It's my sister's. It's Daniel's. This is an onion with alllllll the layers, of which neither you nor I have time tonight to delve into. Let's just leave THAT at Karis House for right now.
Okay, I've spent more than 10 minutes thinking about this. I'm going to cut it off right there and make myself pick something for this challenge.
Judging by the three questions posed to me from the #DoOverChallenge, I've managed to answer though a couple of my things on my list. Because sometimes the scenery of the story adds to the adventure, I suppose that I'll try a Do Over on traveling. This means I have to step out of the comfort zone that I've dug myself into--and even scarier: invite others to go with me. Whoa whoa. One step at a time.