Woe: Path Hogs
You know what really grinds my gears, especially now that the weather's nice? Path Hogs.
Recently, I've gone from hittin' the gym to hittin' the trail (er, path); not only is outdoor running more scenic, but it smells better than my poorly ventilated fitness centre. Nothing compares to the Panhandle at dawn: the flicker of the bug-mottled streetlamps, the intermingled scents of eucalyptus and bum urine!
For its many virtues, running outside has a major pitfall: dealing with those bitches who hog the path. You know who I'm talking about: people with 1) dogs; 2) strollers; or 3) insane walking habits. Let's discuss.
1) I love dogs. Really, I do. If my boyfriend building allowed them, I'd totally have a pug and I would dress him up in an adorable and miniature bumblebee costume! I do not love unleashed dogs that traipse all over the path while their owners amble, heads in the clouds [up their asses]. I do not love dogs that jump on me while I'm running. Protip: if your dog can't contain himself around strangers, leash him.
2) Is there anything more insufferable than a woman walking slooooooowly, straight down the middle of the path, chatting on her Blackberry while pushing a doublewide stroller? Didn't think so. A hobby of the Lululemon and Hunter set, hogging the center of the path isn't just rude -- it's dangerous. Why? Because I might accidentally nick you as I try to veer out of the way. I have nothing personal against strollers; I have nothing but hatred for those who block the path with them.
3) I'm not hating on the locomotively challenged. I am hating on those who zigzag all over the place, disrespecting the "lanes" of the trail. Have you never walked before, people? (I'd understand if you haven't -- this is America, after all.) PSA of the day: if you're strolling through the Panhandle, don't weave all over the path/refuse to pay attention to your surroundings/get all huffy if a cyclist or runner stumbles around you.
Phew! I feel so much calmer. Calm enough, in fact, to contemplate a post-work run...