𝙲𝙾𝙼𝙿𝙸𝙻𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙽𝙴𝚆 𝚂𝙸𝙶𝙽𝙰𝙻 // T̷ R̷ A̷ N̷ S̷ M̷ I̷ T̷ T̷ I̷ N̷ G̷ …
𝙸𝙽𝙳𝙴𝚇𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙵𝚁𝙾𝙼 𝙰𝚁𝙲𝙷𝙸𝚅𝙴𝚂 // [ SOURCE ]
𝚄𝚂𝙴𝚁 𝙸𝙳 : BLONDIE ↦ @downfll
𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐔𝐌𝐀 𝐁𝐔𝐑𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐒 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐎 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐎𝐃𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐈𝐓𝐒 𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓. it digs and digs and digs like a worm, consumes like a parasite and spreads like a deadly disease. some are able to recover, heal and move forward. the craters blasted into their core eventually bridge, mending back together until the only evidence left are the outline of fossils, scars carved along the dunes. just a brief, dark moment in the overarching timeline. for those less fortunate, it ravages like a cancer and if allowed to grow and metastasized, can even prove FATAL. each one of them must choose how to carry it, how to control it ( how to CONTAIN it ) else risk hurting those around them.
bucky does not know steve’s story and he does not assume anything other than the fact they are both soldiers struggling to heal from wounds that are still bleeding.
at first glance, their individual approaches to recovery appear distinctively different. barnes walks with a certain BRAVADO - an air of ease, a swagger of indifference - seemingly unbothered by anything going on around him. he is notoriously blunt with his words, flippant with his choices, brash with his actions. look at him ! walkin’ on cloud nine, ain’t he ? the lack of limb only made him all the more buoyant. — IT IS A FACADE, a lie. his defense, his SHIELD. like a spider weaving a tight web, he weaves scar tissue on top of scar tissue, desperate ( frantic ) to hide the rot beneath, but it is still present, growing at his core - the disease, the PARASITE feeding and and infecting and spreading. he can try to build as many layers between it and the surface as he wants, DECAY will eventually consume. the rot will seep through, pus oozing from skin pulled too tight and stretched too thin. he is aware. he knows he is a ticking timebomb. fuck, nat reminds him almost every day. he compartmentalizes, which is just a fancy word cowards use to avoid their problems. — he cannot be bothered to care. he is okay - for now. his trauma is a nightmare to be dealt with tomorrow. today - well today, he is far more concerned about feeding his sugar addiction. you know, PRIORITIES.
on the absolute other end of the spectrum is steve, holding his breath as he timidly walks along his tightrope, hyperaware of his every step. there are times when buck can find some kind of distraction from his troubles, even if it is only for the briefest of moments. alcohol, sugar, sex, adrenaline, drugs ... && for a single second, he can forget. he allows himself to be careless like that. steve on the other hand does not seem to carry this same kind of reckless abandon. on the contrary, the poor guy seems constantly aware of his own presence and that most likely means he is also constantly aware of his trauma and how it impacts those he comes into contact with. socially, he is an absolute mess, but that’s okay. barnes is enough of a social butterfly to make up for it. they sort of BALANCE each other out, don’t they ? his ying to rogers’ YANG. it’s kinda poetic, ain’t it ? he has got a good feeling about steve. maybe, just maybe they can become each other’s saving grace.
hah - yeah fuckin’ right. like he can be saved.
maybe steve can be though. as he watches the other man fumble with his words, buck ponders his potential. maybe the story of steve rogers can write itself into something LEGENDARY and maybe bucky barnes can have a hand in crafting it. && wouldn’t that be something special ? HIS FINAL ACT ;; one last good deed - helping someone who needs help. someone who DESERVES to be saved. don’t be so presumptuous, james. he can hear his father’s voice at his ear and as much as he enjoys jumping at any opportunity to defy the bastard, he knows to take heed. his hands have proven to cause more damage than good and the last thing he wants is to become yet another TOXIN poisoning an already dying body.
steve confirms his heritage and as he learns the fate of his father, barnes frowns with sincere sympathy. ❛ sorry ‘ bout that. ❜ he does not have any other details and steve does not seem eager to share them. how the man had died and when, during which war. how big of an impact was left behind by his departure. if steve had a solid relationship with the man ;; if he was heartbroken. a father is a father though, even a bad father - and they are all affected by that loss in some way or another. steve’s voice remains level and stereotypically polite though and he is quick to retreat into the other room, leaving buck in the dark, left wondering.
❛ twice a week, ❜ he sighs, collapsing into the office chair opposite the desk. ❛ my roommate kinda threatens me if i don’t show up. -- she’s a peach. ❜ he chews the meat of his cheek and tips his head. ❛ what about you ? i don’t think i’ve seen you in group session before. ❜ he sniffs and smacks his lips when he sees the cookies, golden smile flashing on his face.
❛ what’s our haul, captain ? ❜ gosh, he hopes its snickerdoodle. he is in such a mood for snickerdoodle.
