Okay this is really stupid of me.
Every night, at roughly ten o'clock, I get weird ideas floating in my head. It's always in the dark, and I'm always tired, and then-- bam! Anxiety.
I get scared over the most miniscule and small of things: the fact that I used to RP, the fact that I mentioned the words 'child pornography' as an example over Skype and that the government is going to find me, the fact that I wrote it just then and then they can trace this which is why I'm to scared to post it right now oh my god I'm scared.
Every night I have to sit down and I have to meditate, and I have to attempt to regulate my breathing and try not to get scared but it only lasts twenty four hours. I want to talk to someone but I doubt my problem is anywhere large-scale enough to be troubling a professional with, and talking to my family would mean admitting to keeping secrets behind their backs.
I'm just scared, and I can't think straight anymore. The slightest, slightest circumstance, and I'm off. Someone looks at me oddly, and I'll be rethinking our friendship and whether or not they are my friend. I accidentally say a joke that is ridiculously cruel and immediately realise that the whole world hates me. When the teacher calls me up during maths, and I flounder, my whole grade drops by one (which, in my school, is quite a bit. We have a one-seven scale...). I'm going to fail my piano exam. I am going to fail my maths. I am going to fail my Chinese. My friends are not my friends.
So, if anyone is reading this, which I highly doubt because it is too early for my UK friends and too late for my US, I'd like some advice. Please. I don't know what I'm doing with my life.
