You look at your reflection in the mirror as your hands ghost over your skin, pinching every bit of repulsive flab you obtain. Turning to show yourself a side-view, you suck in your stomach in an attempt to find your ribs through your skin, huffing out in annoyance when you exhale. Disgusting, you think to yourself, my body is disgusting and I hate it.You’d been standing in front of the mirror for God only knows how long, with your hair still damp from your shower and only your bra and underwear clad to your unsatisfying figure. You were supposed to be getting ready for your date with Justin tonight, but somehow you had managed to find yourself judging every inch of who you were (and sadly, you’d been agreeing with the negatives your mind was telling you about yourself over every other thought given).
Now, you didn’t even want to leave your house, let alone go out with your boyfriend. The world couldn’t be bothered with someone as hideous as you, you thought.Stepping away from your reflection, you reached for your phone sitting on your bed and thumbed away a text message to cancel your date with Justin. You really weren’t up for seeing him or anyone else right now, and you had agreed on the idea that no one else was up for seeing you either. Too ugly to be in public, you decided, thinking you were saving everyone from the sight of you.Eventually, you found your way to your bathroom where you stood in front of your own reflection once again. Everything you saw was flawed. Your arms jiggled too much when you waved, your cheeks were too chubby for your face, your stomach wasn’t flat enough to wear tight clothing, your thighs were big enough to cringe at — fat, that’s what it all added up to. You were fat.
"I hate myself," You muttered, crossing one of your arms over your chest as tears welled up in your eyes.The words had a vile taste to them and as you squeezed your eyes shut, you could feel the tears burning through your eyes; those three words repeatedly banging against your brain like a self-destructive migraine. You dug your nails into your shoulder, trying to find solid ground in your own thoughts, but it was useless. I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself.Your eyes shot open, making you suck in a gasp as you tried to calm yourself down and just fucking breathe for a minute. You could feel the walls closing in on you and you could swear someone was calling your name from down the hall, but all you could pay attention to was the sight of your reflection and now fuck, you wanted to puke because all you could see was fat,fat, fat and your ears were filled with an increasingly loud ringing noise as the call of your name started to die down.
You could see your hand reaching for the nearest object – a hairbrush – and you watched as you threw it at the mirror, half-heartedly satisfied as you saw your reflection shatter in front of you. As if on impulse, you fell to the ground in sobs, hugging your knees and burying your head between your legs."(Y/N)?" A familiar voice called from your bedroom doorway before footsteps travelled to your bathroom, "Jesus Christ, what the hell happened he–– Oh, babe…"Your head snapped up as you looked over at a very terrified and confused Justin standing in the doorway of your bathroom. You didn’t even bother opening your mouth to speak, knowing it was too late for explanations and there was too much to get him to understand (your lip was trembling far too much for you to make out words anyway).
You took in a staggered breath as your boyfriend stepped towards you silently, tucking one arm under your knees and hooking the other around your back before picking you up without difficulty. He brought you to your bed, not letting go of you as he took a seat on your mattress and pulled you into his chest. You tried stifling in your sobs, not wanting him to see you in a state like this.Although your boyfriend knew about your insecurity issues, he’d never seen you cry before. You haven’t been dating that long (a little over two months), and the fact that this situation had to be brought on to him so early into your relationship made you worry he would sprint out the door and out of your life as soon as the time came. God, the thought of him leaving you only brought more anxiety into your heart. You were barely making it by with Justin these days, you didn’t know how you’d manage to even leave your bed without him.
"Babe…" Justin cooed, stroking your hair as you softly sobbed into the shoulder of his shirt.You hummed a little in response and sniffled as your boyfriend ran his hand down your thigh lovingly."Talk to me." He whispered, kissing the crown of your head in an attempt to calm you down.You shook your head slowly, too afraid to open up to him. It terrified you, thinking about how he would react if he found out how much you disliked yourself. He thought so highly of you and cared about you so much —to tell this boy that you hated your body and everything about you would be like stamping “PSYCHO” on your forehead. Honestly, what idiot would want to date a girl who can’t even learn to like herself? Justin took your chin between his thumb and index, lifting your head so that you could meet his eyes.
He had nothing but sincerity and love swimming in his irises as he looked at you, giving you a little sense of reassurance when he quietly said, “Please.”And with that, you let out an exhausted sigh and spoke up. You told him everything, spilled your broken heart out to him and he listened. He didn’t laugh, didn’t try rejecting you, didn’t interrupt you for a single moment. He just sat there, your hand in his, and listened while rubbing loving circles with his thumb on the back of your hand.You couldn’t bear to meet his eyes even once while you spoke, but once you were finished, you finally caught his gaze… Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse, the sight of tears in your boyfriend’s eyes cracked your heart a fraction more."Please don’t…" You muttered, a crack in your voice.
You shut your eyes for a moment, squeezing his hand before starting to speak up again, "Please don’t hate me… Or think I’m crazy. I-I know I’m messed up, but I just can’t get myself to stop thinking this way and it scares the hell out of me and I just don’t want my insecurities to scare you away. If it makes you feel better, we can just forget any of this ever happened, just don’t leave m––"You were cut off by the touch of Justin’s kiss, soft and sensual against your lips. Your heart rate lowered immediately with his lips pressed against yours and you hadn’t even realized your heart was racing in the first place."I love you." He whispered, only a breath away from your lips.His words didn’t only take you by surprise, it more so put you into shock. Your whole body went numb at the sound of those three words and your eyes shot wide.
You didn’t know how to react and your thoughts were a mess. It seemed to worry your boyfriend slightly, a sudden look of concern and fear written in his eyes until you flashed a shy smile."And I’m not just saying that because of all this. Honestly, (Y/N), holy shit, I am in love with you. And I need you to know that so that you never have to doubt me again. All those things you were saying about me hating you or leaving you, that’s all bullshit. I fucking love you, and now that you know you literally own my heart, you know that there is nothing you can do or say or think about yourself or anything that’ll make me walk away. I’m gonna’ help you through this, we’re gonna’ get help for you, okay, babygirl? I can’t fucking stand to see you cry and it tears me apart to see you hurting like this. I love you, (Y/N), and you’re gonna’ get through this. We both will.” He told you.
Aye surprise! ANOTHER ONE. I hope you guys liked this one! Bye lovelies. (ALSO UNEDITED)