#drugdiary

[drugdiary]

yay or nay?

I still can't decide if I wanna try these 🤔 hmm

[drugdiary]

been rollin' for a few days & ain't posted nothing but this shit right here was funny as hell to me. 💀💀

[loki-zen]

Drug Diary Pt1

So far the side effects of my stimulant medication for ADHD have mostly been the ones that are super common and also the ones that I don’t really mind.

Like I don’t mind insomnia if I don’t feel like I need that much sleep, and I’m not going to feel like crap in the morning because I’mma wake up and take slow-release speed, so what, I have extra hours in my day? Awesome! And now I’m on the med I can do something with them instead of staring foggily at things.

Weight loss, well I haven’t noticed any yet but I wouldn’t because I never weigh myself. And I’m not going to be sad if that happens - I’m pretty much okay with my size but a little less wouldn’t hurt and there are these old dresses I could fit into if I was like half a size smaller. I do wish my mother would be less into the idea that I will lose weight tho. Yes, I know you think I’m fat, stfu.

But it may well happen because appetite suppressing, that is happening. I’m usually a snacker and it just doesn’t occur to me to go snack any more, and I think this is good because it’s not like I’m a healthy snacker.

What is bad is that the appetite suppressance is often of a level that I just forget that food is a thing. Skipping lunch, wev, I do that all the time, but when my baby comes home in the evening, it is generally my job to make dinner and also to realise that it is time to make dinner. Usually this is fine - I missed lunch, I’m hungry, I’m gonna remember. Now, it gets to like 9 o clock and I’m like, oh shit, food. And then I feel bad for not doing the thing that in our household we have decided is my job. Like I’m failing to look after my man when he does tons of other stuff to look after me.

On the other hand, the guy could fucking prompt me once in a while.

Also cooking is hard. Like, before it was super hard to remember to do things and to get up and do things and remain focused on doing the things. But, cooking was generally a thing I could do because it had the motivation of food to get me going. Now I’m kinda meh about food all the time, cooking has become a less engaging task.

Generally I am doing a fuck of a lot better though. Just adjusting.

[ahr-tis-tik]

Update : I'm homeless now, I've gone back to Shane & my mother didn't like that too much so she kicked me out. I'm looking for emergency housing in the mean time. Ugh.

[ahr-tis-tik]

I'm back using, the needle & I are the perfect affair.

[ahr-tis-tik]

I have some wild cravings today. I've gone back to just smoking, but part of me craves the needle. I thought losing you would make it go away, but the monsters inside me too now. I miss us in a twisted way, the things we'd do in order to make sure the other was okay. It feels like a blur now, you've been gone. And seeing you yesterday made it all to real.

[ahr-tis-tik]

Brb, Crying my eyes out.

[ahr-tis-tik]

These tears are never ending. So many things I wish to say, strangle my throat shut. I lost you along the way.