#drunk!ratchet

[wrenchmxster]

"Can jet fuel melt steel beams?"

My muse is completely intoxicated. Send me questions and my muse will answer them drunkenly.

Ratchet, who’s on his fourth new-fashioned with soda for the evening, slams his glass down and points at the asker, already chuckling. “Lemme, lemme tell you a thing. It’s hot as shit. Doesn’t need to melt ‘em. Just -- just makes ‘em bendy. An’ twisty. An’ squishy. Also kinda glowy. It’s really cool. I’ll show ya. No, no don’t get up, I’m gonna show ya. Where’s my comm? Has anyone seen my comm?”

Clank put it away earlier, to circumvent any drunk texting.

[wrenchmxster]

-hands the drunk Lombax a green lantern ring- don't do nothin stupid -totally means do anything you want like it's ur ring now man go have a blast-

My muse is completely intoxicated. Send me questions and my muse will answer them drunkenly.

And that’s the story of how Ratchet ran a whole lap around the equator of Igliak in two hours, shifting the orbit of the whole planet, and then ran back in the opposite direction to correct the planet’s orbit again before any tidal waves took down Meridian City.

His children still don’t believe that story.

[wrenchmxster]

"Have you ever...hacked up a furball?". {Excuse my son; he is always rude af}

My muse is completely intoxicated. Send me questions and my muse will answer them drunkenly.

Ratchet snorts. “Hooooh, yeah, every few months ‘r so. Ya wanna know what it tastes like? It tastes like...like if ya made tea. With a hairbrush. And some -- I dunno, hyrdaulo-chlorophobic acid or somethin’ And it’s a mess.”

[wrenchmxster]

Hey Ratchet, what's the stupidest thing you've ever done? I mean, outside of almost everything but heh

My muse is completely intoxicated. Send me questions and my muse will answer them drunkenly.

Ratchet turns to the stranger with that silly grin on his face that, drunk or sober, always means he’s about to tell you one of his wild stories. Then he frowns. “Hey, wait a minute...!”

[wrenchmxster]

Hey Ratchet, shaken or stirred?

My muse is completely intoxicated. Send me questions and my muse will answer them drunkenly.

“Sh-st-st -- uh, whatever he’s having!” He points vaguely over where he last saw Clank. “Stirred! ‘Cause, cause he can’t have f-f-shaky drinks, ‘cause, the -- you can’t have shook-up drinks when you’re a robot, ‘cause the air bubbles. Ya know the air bubbles? Little bubbles. They get -- “

He laughs. “They make -- they make him gassy!”

[wrenchmxster]

@dxfenderofpolaris | continued from here

“Uh…” Ratchet laughs sheepishly. “Yeah, about that. I didn’t wanna – um, didn’t wanna admit it but I’m kinda, sorta, kinda-sorta…stuck. F-fix…Pixie – fixie? Freak show? Phrixos. He’s…he’s coming back to get me down.”

Actually, Phrixos Gloriosus ran off with the remote for the mag-tether. Most likely as revenge for not filling out his paperwork like the Agorian workforce administrator has been hounding him to do for weeks.

“But it’s fine! It’s fine, cause – cause Lombaxes used – they, they used to sleep upside down. Just, like, this!”

There is no anthropological evidence for that whatsoever, by the way. Lombaxes usually sleep at ground level, in groups.

[wrenchmxster]

did someone call for... SOME RIPPED PANTS?

Ratchet can only lift one arm off the table, not the other, or his head.

“I DID! I CALLED FOR SOME RIPPED...ughhh---”

/Lombax passing out now/ 

Grand total:

Veldin Sunrise = 9Shots = 8Ratchet = -17Hangover > 9000

[wrenchmxster]

"Intoxicated already? I still wonder how you could be an alternate version of myself."

My muse is completely intoxicated. Send me questions and my muse will answer them drunkenly.

“Hey, you’re my double, if I’m a lightweight, you’re a -- wait, how many of these have I had?”

No, Ratchet, it’s just you. You’re a lightweight who’s just had five drinks that were 40% alcohol a piece. You’re going to wish for death tomorrow morning.