#dual-tracking

[forhavingmyhousestolen-blog]

About One Hour's Worth of Legal Advice

"Hello, yes, it's very nice to meet you, too, I'm LAWYER."

"Ok, so, you were approved for a loan modification? Great! So legally the bank can no longer foreclose on you. Oh? You are still being foreclosed on? I'm very sorry to hear that."

"How long has this been going on? And you received $500 as a part of the @USOCC settlement with the banks?"

"Well, you can still pursue legal action. Next steps? Well, I'm afraid our one hour is up. If you'd like to continue, we'll need to schedule another meeting. And yes, my rate is $500/hour, so if you need to set up a payment plan we can definitely help you with that..."

h/t @kiplet

[forhavingmyhousestolen-blog]

Enough Alcohol To Drown Your Sorrows

Yes, maligned homeowner, one of the megabanks screwed you. You had a loan modification request APPROVED, and yet you were STILL foreclosed on. The banks fucked up, what can we say?

You know, it was probably Wells Fargo, who had up to an 80% error rate in foreclosure files reviewed, as reported on by the WSJ last year: "Ms. Cordova, who trained contract workers on a review of Wells Fargo files in Orange, Calif., said the rate of errors on files she saw was rising when banks and regulators halted the exams. Certain batches produced error rates as high as 45% to 80% in late 2012, she added."

But don't worry! The @USOCC has a solution! They're gonna make the banks pay you between $300 and $500!

THINK OF ALL THE BOOZE YOU CAN BUY WITH THAT MONEY!?

Who needs a house when you can drown your sorrows with drink?!

h/t @smck0wn 

[forhavingmyhousestolen-blog]

Like 300 Boxes of Kleenex

If you were foreclosed on because of "dual-tracking," where one part of the bank approved your loan mod, but the foreclosure department, uh, didn't talk to them, the @USOCC is really sorry!

They're going to make the banks pay you $300! 

You can buy 300 boxes of Kleenex with that, to help dry all your tears! YOU'RE WELCOME!