Dignity is spelled R-I-C-K-Y-S
As a child, Halloween meant mom and dad indulging your impulses for make-believe and letting you dress up as whatever you wanted to for a day. School dress codes were waived, and social norms were trampled in favor of the joy that only a parade of adorable costumed children can bring. And candy was your only punishment. As an adult, Halloween means horny, alcohol-fueled bacchanalia, and the pumpkin-costumed toddler in you graduates to the sexy costume. Ricky's, the premiere purveyor of the slutty Halloween dress code, finds new ways to keep things classy every year. And what attire is better suited for a holiday dedicated to jamming unorthodox amounts of candy down your esophagus than some vadge-skimming synthetic tube dresses? You guessed it. Nothing. The halloween inventory at this palace of chintz never ceases to make me think "who would wear that?" or rather "who would spend 49.99 for that paltry amount of fabric?" But, without any further adieu, here are the winners from the 2011 group in all of their skanky glory!
"Black Swan" for $29.99: Pop cultural allusions prove that you're hip. Even if your interpretation of the movie/meme/whatever is a year late and slightly more "charred duck l'orange" than "black swan."
"Female Nerd Kit" for $19.99: An obvious ploy to commodify the awkward girl phenomenon with this thinly-veiled "Ugly Betty" costume. Despite the fact that the former is a bit dated, this accessory kit could easily lend to a Zooey Deschanel in "The New Girl" costume. Way to cash in on a cultural stereotype, Ricky's. Still, take away the fake braces, and this costume could easily be "Art Gallery Assistant."
"Womb Raider" for $29.99: Don't have a sense of humor? Ricky's will provide you with one in the form of a dozen plastic babies glued to suspenders! Quippy!
"Open 2 Anything" for$59.99: Among all of the sexy/sassy occupation costumes I've seen (i.e. lumberjack, home depot employee) the sexy Kinko's(or "kinky's") employee by far the most ridiculous I've seen to date. Clearly, the next untapped resource is sexy sanitation worker. Ladies, consider the glass ceiling shattered.
"Sexy Olive Oyl" for $39.99 vs. "Olive Oyl Plus" for $39.99: Aside from the obvious irony of making the stick-figure Olive Oil character into a vixen, note the fabric discrepancy between "SexyOlive Oyl" and "Olive Oyl Plus." Ricky's-- making strides in the social battle against sizeism.
"Lil Red Riding Hood/ Wolf" for $49.99: Can't decide which fairy-tale character you want to blaspheme? Be dissociative identity disorder Riding Hood!
"Taj My Hall" for $49.99: Imagine the pick-up lines... Can I tikka your masala?
"Chinese Take Out" for $49.99: Yellow fever ahoy. This one would go over well at a Goldman Sachs halloween party. Still, I'm surprised that they took the high road and neglected to say something in the blurb about "eating out of the box."
"Svedka GRL" for $29.99: And the crown jewel. The fembot Svedka ads have been inspiring gag reflexes around the world, and now you can finally pantomime as one on the sole day of the calendar year that gives you the social mandate to dress up as anything. I will openly judge anyone I see who has the lack of creativity to wear this half advertisement/half chauvanist minstrelcy costume on the funnest day of the year.
And just for good measure, a lady doesn't leave home without her Svedka "Walk of Shame Kit" on Halloween night. Commit to making yourself into an advertisement with Svedka brand flip flops, a fembot tote bag, and sunglasses on your morning after. Regardless of the fact that this has plenty of stuff I lack the presence of mind to bring with me on nights out(lip balm, a hairbrush, mints), my walk of shames are Arielle brand, and I would have it no other way.