#dumbassinyellow

[jurislosershadow]

Just found this gem again. Meeeee.

[galeancunin]

Okay so Vanya is ADHD (coded), but I don't exclude the possibility that there's also autism or bpd included, I really can't tell with him because the overlap between all three of them is big. Ways it shows up for him: • Vanya struggles with organisation and order, although chaos gives him a sense of overstimulation at the same time. • He is hyperverbal and also physically hyperactive most of the time; he's always moving in some way, sometimes subtle, sometimes hard to ignore. • He experiences hyperfocus and hyperfixations (the latter one very often on people or situations), tends to ruminate a lot and forgets to take care of his basic needs whenever he's "In the zone" as he calls it. • Executive dysfunction is a real pain; he often starts things in the last minute and powers through them instead of using all the time to prepare; he needs the urgency. • He also starts a lot of projects, just to abandon them halfway through because he loses interest. • His mind is always racing and still, his mouth is often faster and he says things without thinking, sometimes accidentally being mean to people or just saying the dumbest things known to humankind. • Insomnia is very strong in him. He gets way too little sleep. • Occassionally infodumps like in an unskipable ad. • Low selfworth and chronic insecurity due to belittling throughout his life. • Auditory processing issues. Sometimes his brain just lags. • Also easily distracted, whether from the surroundings or because you said something that reminded him of something else and whoops, there goes his focus. • Struggles with social cues at times as well as with societal rules/views regarding a lot of things. • Hypersensitivity and the deep need to help other people. • People pleasing tendencies (he managed to work on that a bit). • Some sensory sensitivities, but struggles much more with understimulation than with overstimulation and experiences boredom as painful. • Moodswings/Flash emotions. • Forgetfulness. • Has a lot of surface knowlege about a variety of things, but only deeper knowledge in a small variety of things. • Copies behaviours/speech/word patterns from people in the books he's reading at the moment or from people he spends a lot of time with. • Thrives if his days have structure, but has a hard time keeping them up. • Interrupts people/is impulsive and doesn't have a sense for when it's his turn in conversations. • High rejection sensitive dysphoria. • Imaginative and out of the box thinking and solutions. • Task and decision paralysis, struggles with prioritizing things. Ways he stims/fidgets • stimming fixation: biting/chewing nails, bodyparts, other people and things; sucking on sleeves and collars occassionally; eating in general, especially crunchy and salty food and sour hard candy. • bouncing his leg • taking things apart and putting them back together • sketching/drawing, sometimes on his or other people's hands • spinning in circles • climbing • humming • touching his fingers together/thrumming his fingers • cracking his fingers • body pressure seeking (tight hugs, heavy blankets) • running hands over soft things • talking with his hands • rolling rocks in his hands • talking a lot • physical touch in general • rocking back and forth/side to side Sensory hell: • wet clothes sticking to his skin • prolonged overlayered noise (events with lots of people per example) • slippery food • collars that are tight around his neck (but this also has trauma reasons) • light touch • crumbs on the sole of his feet • weather changes - the air pressure is very noticeable and often gives him headaches • chewing noises • too loud breathing • repeated coughing Sensory heaven: • physical contact, especially tight hugs • the surface of metal and rocks • having his hair played with • crunchy food • certain smells (the workshop, specific people, cinnamon, sunshine, summer rain) • anything that satisfies the oral itch tbh • tree bark • body pressure • colourful surroundings • hearing his favourite people talk

Signs of meltdowns: (Vanya tries to hold it back until he is alone. But in case it happens in someone's company) • intense crying; he's a crier anyway, but meltdowns are much worse • less patience and can be snappy • increased stimming • slurring words together • intense headache • forgetting to breathe • pacing or curling into himself • pushing people away, physically but also in the metaphorical sense • fatigue right after What to do: • physical touch - grab his shoulders, take his hand, hug him tightly. This often does wonders. • calm speech; Vanya's not going to process what you say, but a calm voice helps. • giving him some rocks or screws may help too. • co-regulation via breathing examples, staying in touch. • mention any source of interest. This may help snapping him out of it. Examples: Jurian, rocks, his friends, a specific book. How he shows affection: Body contact - lots of it! (unless he likes you romantically, then he feels a little awkward about it); pebbling - giving people little gifts like pretty rocks or flowers or notes; but also big gifts - he puts a lot of thought into those and it can never be grande enough; deep dives in either problem solutions or interests of other people, so he can talk to them about it; listening to others speaking about what they love; trying to understand people and 'walk in their shoes'; nicknaming people; making others laugh

[jurislosershadow]

@not-jvkoes ?? can we?? keep him?? 🥺🥺🥺🥺

[jurislosershadow]

I'M ABOUT TO GET SO MUCH MORE ANNOYING AND INSUFFERABLE :) o(*////▽////*)q

[jurislosershadow]

Pestering @not-jvkoes again and I don't know what kind of stupid thing I said to make him question his life choices  😂  that's what you get for accepting a very stupid friend!

(Meanwhile, Vanya's internal monologue be like: I love him so much, I don't know if I want to cry about it or if I'm gonna explode, he's so amazing and pretty and smart and ugh I can't believe he's part of my life, that he's STILL part of my life, shit losing him is going to hurt so unbearably bad, how much does it annoy him that I always show up and send him letters and that I'm just too...much? Oh no I made myself sad again. Quick, laugh at what he said!)

[jurislosershadow]

How did you get Jurian to like you?

I don't even know. He's this smart, complex, sweet and over all amazing person who just makes a day better by being in the same space and I'm just an annoying idiot, I don't know if he even realises how far out of my league he actually is! And I try to avoid thinking too much about the 'how' to be honest, because it gives my brain too much opportunity to come up with stuff that makes me insecure about it, I'll just count myself lucky! Sorry that this isn't a real answer haha.

[jurislosershadow]

Me multiple times a day for the past few weeks:

[jurislosershadow]

Throwback to two years agoooo where I dragged @not-jvkoes on a birthday date (without him knowing it was one until the end of it haha)