After a few good nights of sleep, lots of love and support from lovely followers (<3333), getting most of my brain obliterated by the new chapter, and eating half a bag of candy that was supposed to go towards trick-or-treaters, I can look back and reflect on this dumdum dabi debacle and go what the fuck.
I had completely forgotten that I first called Dabi a ‘fantasy-racist’ in half-jest/half-serious for a dumb post. I should've kept to that sentiment! Sadly I let myself get carried away, and allowed...whatever this shitfest was to occur. I regret that.
This is a whole long-ass essay that I really shouldn’t be publishing. I’ll probably regret it next week, and I just know there’s gonna be so much mockery. I might even deserve it, for posting vulnerability on the internet when I know nothing good ever comes of that. There's nothing I can say to make the people who disagree with me listen; nothing I can do to bridge the divide or alleviate their anger/bitterness/need to wish misfortune upon me. Explanations, sharing of experiences, retorts - not gonna matter. But I promised melodrama in the schedule, and here it is.
I will say, for the nth time, that I don’t make light of irl racism, not at all. Never. I saw a fictional microaggression and the fictional juggernaut plot/theme behind it was familiar to me, so I shared what I thought of it. Via Dabi.
Then some people decided Dabi, anime boy, being called a fantasy-racist - fantasy - is more damaging and harmful (to...?) than me (actual person who faces irl racism btw) thinking, non-maliciously, he gives off echoes of irl microaggressions I’ve experienced, saying so, and getting mudslung for it.
My usual word for fictional depictions of prejudice in things like DnD has always been “speciesism,” because [social construction of race vs real biological differences]. Describing it as ‘racism’ in that context would compound the erroneous idea that real world races are biological, different like orcs or elves. I was the killjoy at a lot of campaigns.
But in the world of HeroAca, Spinner is just as human (and a Japanese “character of color”) as anyone else; his discrimination is, in my opinion, based on a human-invented classification that could not satisfactorily describe all the variations of how body-altering quirks and traits may manifest. Unlike many other works of fantasy/sci-fi, there’s no “justification” for why people want to exclude him: he (and his quirk) is not dangerous - he’s so weak; by himself, Spinner never was a threat to anyone. Same goes for the social category of ‘Heteromorphs’ he belongs to: individuals might have amazing powers that can cause harm, but that’s no different from a non-Heteromorph who has a similar quirk. They’re human, but some treat them as sub-human.
I was fascinated. One of the rare times I felt a work had depicted prejudice with this nuance, and that can actually be called an accurate allegory to racism - and it was from a silly shonen manga, the theme focused on a nerdy green scalie man. Anti-heteromorph discrimination; for short, for a tongue-in-cheek descriptor, “fantasy-racist”. I’ve always added ‘fantasy’, because I can and do differentiate serious irl issues from bnha fanshit. I’ve made sure to add that adjective every time; if I had missed it, it’s by accident.
I did target Dabi for this, partly because I saw him as an overrated character that needed to be made fun of, and partly because his behavior fitted: he uses animal insults for Spinner, Tokoyami, Hawks, and it’s clearly learned behavior from a conservative home. Him calling Spinner ‘Lizard’ was one time, that’s true, but the carelessness is from living in a culture that ultimately hasn't acknowledged people like Spinner as fully human. For Spinner, his whole life had been people calling him a ‘lizard freak’. It hollowed out his heart. I imagined the insult stings, everytime. Even if Spinner let it go, objectively the act itself was still a (fictional) microaggression. Every other interaction Dabi has with Spinner has been, imo, kinda condescending. It’s a headcanon-projection, but what is having a favorite character if not relating to them in irrational ways? And if the story will address this type of discrimination and pain, why not follow the logic and watch it unfolds, keeping an eye on how the message and details are handled?
So I called the one who microaggression’d Spinner - Dabi - a fantasy racist, as a half-truth snark, with imo proper reasoning.
People objected, and one of the reasons given ended up being something I absolutely could not stand: dismissing the remark as innocently ignorant; as the same level of rude as everything else Dabi says. It’s not a big deal, no one should dislike him for just that, this is making things up to slander him. Dabi can be excused because he had it hard too.
The characters and situation are fictional, nothing but ink on paper. But the spirit of it, the essence, the dismissal, reasoning, resentment at it being brought up, the mockery - Much too familiar to me, too close to home.
That’s a ‘me’ problem, I know. My personal take, my freudian damage, my baggage I should’ve kept locked up. I could’ve handled and explained it better. People will not and do not have to give it weight because it’s a children’s story. There’s no harm done, ultimately, not to ‘Spinner’, this fake entity.
It should follow, then, that there’s no harm done to Dabi either, when I tongue-in-cheek call him what he is. Not even a 'real' racist, never - just a fictional one within the context of his world, the context of who he is inside HeroAcaLand.
But, like I said, people acted like Dabi, anime boy, being called a fantasy-racist - fantasy - is so much more damaging and harmful than the experiences I’ve gone through that led to me saying, without real judgment, he gives off echoes of irl microaggressions I’ve seen, vibes of prejudiced jerks I've known, and I’ll point this out in meta or fics because that’s my truth.
I first was told I’m disrespecting actual victims of racism, then finally someone accused me of being white and caring more about fictional furry racism. Anon said I was throwing a (fictional) victim under the bus. Finally, someone claimed I was trying to start a ship war? (What, didja run out of good and actual points to use for discrediting me?) As if my interest in allegorical oppression narratives - as a glimpse into the stories a culture tells itself, the ahistorical myths it perpetuates, the portrayals of marginalized experiences it broadcasts to the world - had been in life-long preparation to win a tumblr.hell anime argument about a ship.
I had never been under the illusion that Spinaraki would become canon because the characters are two guys and this is fucking Shonen Jump. This was never about being envious or hating Dabi (I actually don’t, not enough for this nonsense) to ‘support’ my ship; nor was it about trying to predict, get right, and own anyone over a manga that recently gave us a “fist bump to the earth”.
It had just long rubbed me the wrong way that fandom was reluctant to acknowledge a fantasy microaggression for what it was, when there’s no harm done to just accept it happened, and instead made excuses too similar to the way real microaggressions are dismissed, similar enough to give me hives tbh. Labeling Dabi a ‘fantasy racist’ - fantasy! - was me irreverently pushing back against that. Not my best decision, I’ll confess; not at all the best application of my brain; but neither was it something I was trying to force people to accept. It’s my observation and interpretation that I’m allowed to have as a reader, and I’m happy to let others disagree. If I did come off as aggressive and forceful (I know I snapped a bit in my explanations 🙇🏻♀️), I sincerely apologize for the misunderstanding.
I apologize for a lot of things, actually. I lost my temper a few times, and I got patronizing; I’ve made fun of asks and I’ve greatly irked quite a few people. In my attempt to prove I wasn’t white and to provide context for why I was not ‘making shit up’, I let things get a bit too personal, unloaded unnecessary backstory, and made unfair reaches. I started treating “fantasy-racist” as a serious thing, when even I didn’t mean it to be. I’ve definitely made a bigger deal out of this than it ever deserved, and I know I’ve made people uncomfortable by implying, in their eyes, their favorite character is evil and irredeemable for being a *fantasy*-racist.
(Which, that was never my implication; I don’t believe that at all. If I hate and condemn as hopeless everyone for any ‘small’ (and actual, irl) racist thing they’ve ever done, I would need to sever all my connections to this world. The thing about having experienced and dealt with racism, to me I think in my personal opinion, is needing to learn the mandatory survival skill of not letting anger empty out your heart, and to keep optimism that people and things can change regardless of how bleak the road might seem.)
For all my faults, though, I don’t think I had ever directed hate towards anyone personally or specifically - always either at the character, or the floating general fandom sentiment. I don’t ever wish for anyone to have a bad day - besides the fact that I’m kinda superstitious and I’ll feel guilty-sick knowing I brought misfortune to anyone, that’s just not the kind of person (and blog) I want to be. If I’ve hurt anyone, I’m immensely sorry and I hope you’re feeling better, especially on this Halloween night. 🎃
But towards me, particularly and specifically me, what I got— The accusations of true harm, of actual racism; of lying, of doing all this for a silly ship, of having brainrot; The gossip and vagueing, the wish for one of my fav characters to die presumably so I’ll have Real Sadness in real life; The involvement of other people that had nothing to do with this, the emotional effort friends and followers had to extend towards me to make sure I’m okay (for which I’m eternally touched and grateful for!); and - though likely unintentional on my detractors’ part - all I’ve been made to feel these past few days: unease, uncertainty, doubt; the anxious rumination whether I do deserve the hate, if I was being childishly malicious, if I was committing all that I was accused of, wondering if I shouldn’t write meta anymore if I got everything so wrong and biased—
In the end, mostly, I feel amused, flabbergasted - and just a bit hurt that somehow anime fiction man is the victim to be protected from my supposed cruelty and hysteria, his honor and dignity of more importance and worth.
Maybe it is, and maybe he is! No idea. He resonates with more people than I ever will. But how I see it, is that while Dabi, (admittedly well designed) lines on a paper, will never meet me, will never hear and take to heart my insults, (though I guess his fans can, on behalf of this fictional, nonexistent character),
I saw and heard very clearly all of the hate given to me, and it’ll be floating in my blood and flesh mind’s eye and ringing in my skin and cartilage ear for a while. At least until the end of the year.
I started this blog because of the pure and sheer adoring love I had/still have for Shigaraki Tomura. These past three years have been so much fun, following his story, becoming enamored with other characters. I've made friends (<333), I’ve met real cool people, and I’m overjoyed beyond words that people apparently like hearing about my ideas. When I began, I swore the blog’s vibes would be as nice and cheerful as possible. I wanted to be (and hopefully have been) somewhat informative, and to share (at times questionable) knowledge with others. I have always tried my best to be objective and self-aware; if I can’t, I acknowledge my bias, shortcomings, limitations. (If I ever annoyed anyone with my excessive ‘I think’s and ‘maybe’s, that’s why.)
It’s been a little hard to keep that going, though I know I'll toughen through. I just wish my sincerity could’ve gotten through and this could’ve been settled quicker and with a lot less stress on everyone’s part.
Anyways, if you actually read through all this, that’s super amazing and kind of you. I hope I didn’t give anyone secondhand embarrassment. I hope I don’t give myself future-secondhand embarrassment. Happy Halloween.
Asks put under a spoiler because they're mean to Dabi. Not that I think the anons are bad or unreasonable! (<3 Thank for the asks!) But I figured people who won't want to see character criticism can ignore it if they want.
thank you so much for the asks! And frankly hilarious descriptions of Dabi that I agree with very much. I'm bewildered as much as anyone else that Dabi inspires such passion and protective spirit.
Me, I like flaws in my characters. I love recognizing faults and weaknesses - it's how things can be targeted to get improved.
I'm glad you like my long, long posts! I always worry that they're too wordy or incoherent or in danger of making someone's eyes glaze over from boredom. I would like to polish up my writing and be much more concise, though! Let's see if I can; but I'm not holding my breath.
We just read through all the shit that went down and I’m so sorry that happend to you..
We sending big hugs💖
- D
I appreciate the concern a lot!! And I'm sorry in turn for filling up your dash with nonsense. 😔 But the hugs are very nice and have definitely made me feel better! Thank you so very much!!! 🤗
I’m pretty sure there have been several other people who’ve brought up Dabi’s quasi-racism as well as that of the Todoroki’s as a whole, even having a meme about it, so I have a hard time comprehending why anyones targeting you specifically over this :/ :P
hello! Thanks for the ask!
I think it might be because I’ve been the most harsh to Dabi and admittedly insistent-to-point-of-being-annoying in my meta (and making huge long taking-up-much-space meta posts about it - sorry!) about it + I’m considered a popular blog (is 3000+ followers popular? I suspect a good quarter of that are probably porn bots - but if even porn bots reblog my post, I guess my reach is still there???) so these opinions get amplified. :/
Also I know my jokes like editing Dabi out of picture existence are awful, a blight upon the LoV fandom land, but I can’t help being a clown. 🤡😔
I haven’t seen the meme, but if you would like to share, I would not mind. 👀
In any case, I guess I rather have the target be me than other people getting tormented, so maybe it’s not the worse thing overall! Undeniably, this has spiced up my days.
Thanks again! i hope you have a wonderful halloween!
1. In an extremely inadvisable move, I finish answering the rest of my asks re: fantasy-racist Dabi
1.5. everything is tagged 'dumdum debacle' so if anyone wants to not see this shitfest, that's the tag to block.
1.75. new followers. I’m so so so sorry you’re following me for probably silly villain content and i’m suddenly shoving an inane shitfest into your dashes and faces. It’ll just be this once. Please forgive me.
2. make a overwrought wrap up post or two
3. flood blog with reblogs with fanart and shitposts and maybe meta to bury such unseemliness
4. put this all in the past and ignore any future stampedes of disk horses
I also know people who follow me, or people who anon(s) thinks are associated with me, have been getting weird asks and hate, and I'm sorry I've dragged you guys into this!
Anon(s), just target me; don't make someone else's day terrible. I can take it.
I wish i had the guts to start a ship war, but sadly, I don't. :(
But before any shipping - before Spinaraki - I'd already been super interested in discrimination metaphors in Boku no Hero Academia. It's part of what drew me to the series! And I was eager to explore it:
February 28, 2019, after we got early spoilers for Chapter 218, I was babbling my ideas about the bnha world and how people with different quirks would have different experiences.
March 4, 2019 had me posting more worldbuilding brainstorming. I wondered about mutant-type quirks and how they might be accommodated for, and note that it reminded more of an analogy to the social model of disability. But I had assumed that appearance-wise, everyone was used to everyone looking different.
I first posted Interference by Half on March 9, 2019, but I had already been researching stuff about Japan wayyy before then. I wanted to play with the worldbuilding, wanted to figure out how quirk discrimination in the story would look like:
Here's a passage from Chapter 2, which came about because I wondered if there would be discrimination in medical settings - that healthcare workers might be reluctant to treat someone with a 'dangerous' quirk.
(Chapter 1 has my Tenko being super fantasy-racist towards a heteromorphic character. 😰 This was before I knew it was a thing, that it might be considered rude to treat someone like an animal instead of a full human being asked on their animal-quirk appearance. Not proud of this! Gotta either retcon it or integrate and address in future chapters. And yes, I swear, I'll update it. I promise!!)
March 15, 2019, when My Villain Academia officially started, I remembered that, oof, Dabi had called Spinner a lizard last time we saw the League, and realized that it had been an microaggression. It was around then that Dabi started dropping down the ranks of my favs, and while that was the same day I coined Spinaraki, I hadn't been a Spinner stan nor hardcore Spinaraki fan yet.
April 27, 2019 - after Toga's chapter came out, with the revelation of quirk counseling, I finally started to think about drawing parallels between quirk discrimination and racism. I thought, perhaps quirk counseling was sorta like teaching the basics of tolerance and the issue of racism - everyone is equal, your quirk is your own, discriminating against people for their quirks is bad, don't do it. Yet Himiko knew and felt her quirk was was different, but she wasn't able to address it with anyone because they wanted her to be 'normal' - which reminded me of American race colorblindness (which I knew how it felt to be both perpetrator and victim of).
And from then on, the allegory had been stuck in my brain, churned around. When I thought about story concepts, I started to use my experiences and how I felt as basis to explore how bnha characters might feel. When I tried my hand at amateur, pseudo-sociology of the bnha world, I, in my opinion, decided that perhaps quirks doesn't fit one perfect analogy, but multiple ones - especially disability and racism - depending on context and situation. That while it reflect irl discrimination, it has also became something of its own - and at the root, it was examining social constructs that lead to hatred and oppression when people started treating it as immutable fact.
Accommodation of quirks is one facet of the overall issue; but judging people based on their appearances, declaring them not human, the fact that heteromorphic traits varied on a scale, the accepted standard of a typical, 'normal' appearance - I thought, hey, that parallels racism.
This is all my observations and ideas, of course, but I did not randomly woke up one day and decided to related heterormorphic-discrimination to racism for shits and giggles. I've put thought into it, I've researched stuff related to it, I've applied my own experiences to it, and I've connected it to my interest of diverse experiences in fiction - all carefully and over the past two, almost three years. Maybe this is poor use of my time; maybe my conceptualization of this is completely stupid, fine; but I have never treated this subject as trivial, and I have never dove into this for the sake of a ship or ship war. Like I said before, fantasy and sci-fi explorations of discrimination have always interested me, ever since I was a child look at the books in my middle school library, wondering why everything so was simplistically white.
I'm not trying to trivialize anyone's experiences - I'm offering my own take in a fandom where people ship Dabi with Spinner, people have asked me to write fluffy friendship fics of Dabi and Spinner, and though I've never said this, it's brought me great discomfort to see people dismissing the attitude Dabi has - and not even finding a way to have him examine and change himself - to put him with Spinner to make a harmonic found family thing for their 'aw' needs. Not that I'm telling people it's horrible of them to ship Dabi/Spinner - I know my take emphasizes the differences between them, and others won't see it that way. I just... wish I could've share my thoughts, without needing to put up my experiences for public consumption just so people would stop saying I'm a brainrotted, childish racist.
Anyways, I'm examined the evidence. 'Quirkist' is too board a term to specifically identify the heteromorphic-discrimination Spinner faces; while 'heteromorphphobe or heteromorphobic' is is too long and possibly too easily read as heterophobe. Dabi's a fantasy-racist.
No bcuz you can still be racist if you’re Chinese actually and I dn’t know how fucking dumb you have to be to know that?? And this is all about your dumb little ship war bcuz your childish and need spinneraki to be canon. It’s giving really childish, really god damn ignorant. Literally you’re purposefully misunderstanding what’s being said to you, and the no reading comprehension really shows in your metas. People really just don’t want you calling a POC racist (when he’s not) and no one said you couldn’t call him quirkist and you threw this whole thing out of proportion bcuz you couldn’t handle the criticism and just change your wording that offended other POC. It trivializes racism and you’re throwing a victim under the bus over privilege he doesn’t even have, when Dabi and Spinner actually have no animosity and it’s all imagined bcuz of your childish internal ship war. It’s no surprise you’re trivializing racism when you’re literally trivializing the anger you’re getting to “It’s all because their Dabi stans tee hee.” when you know that’s not the case. You’re the weakest link of this fandom.
