Oh, and a bit of an update re: the Duplicate Order Situation...
After much back and forth, use of key words ("unethical," "scam," "abusive," "deceptive," "unfair," "predatory," and "formal complaint"), a no-nonsense mention of the Better Business Bureau, and me using the full force of my Business Email Etiquette Magic... I have been promised a full refund. I should have my money back in a standard 3-5 business days.
I shouldn't have had to do all of this. Someone with less conviction, less energy, and less time on their hands would've been forced let this go, eating the cost of a website error and egregiously bad business policies. Lucky for me and unlucky for them, I'm a witch with a bad attitude, strict morals, extensive knowledge of the marketing world, and time.
But that's that on Email Magic fueled by rage, y'all.
Fuck around.