Bitter Memory
[This is horribly done and I'm almost ashamed that I put it up for the world to see but it was hanging on the edge of my mind for a while and I decided to type it up. So here this is. A horrid short story. Another grim one. Seems I like doing those lately. HAVE AT IT.]
Louder and louder! Why couldn't she move?! She had to save them! She had to! Not again! No! The shadows seems to swallow her voice as she tried to call to them. To reach out to them in the smothering darkness. Flashes of pain and light flickered before her eyes as she struggled to move and scream for someone...anyone...to help them. To go to them in her stead. To keep the tragedy from repeating itself once again.
But no one came. No one. Her heart broke as she listened to the cries start to fade away into nothingness. A cold deathly silence filled the shadowy abyss. She called out to them...but there was no answer. And she knew there never would be one. She would be forever haunted by that deafening silence following the last time she ever heard her daughter's voice crying out to her in pain...
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Deep, yet sightless, crimson colored eyes snapped open as lips parted in a loud gasp for air. She jerked upright with her chest heaving and her heart racing as though she had just run a marathon. A cold sweat covered her body making her shiver as the fan in her room created a chill in the air. The black tank top was soaked through and clung to her uncomfortably, she pulled at it with a shaky hand while still catching her breath.
It was that dream again...that nightmare of a memory. She'd have to call the Doc in the morning. This was the fifth time in three days. Not even small naps were safe it seemed. She was exhausted and her nerves were a mess. But the worst part...was the unbearable ache left in her heart and the echo of the screams even in her waking mind.
Taking a long shaky breath the shaken woman moved to leave the bed quietly. Her wife still fast asleep despite the noise, pretty beat after a long day at work. Standing up she rubbed at her face and shuffled to the door. Not bothering with a robe or putting pants on. No need to worry about someone seeing her dark blue undies in her own home. Making it to the door she reached out still trembling hands to the doorknob and cursed under her breath when she missed it twice. It was still frustrating having to get used to being blind after just a year and a half.
Sure she adapted well enough so far. But sometimes...sometimes she just didn't know why she kept trying. Finally getting a hold on the knob she opened the door slowly and felt her way through it. Getting into the hallway she used her memory to walk down the hall toward another room. Though she couldn't see it anymore she knew it had that little swallow painted on the front with a small sign holding two names. Her hand reached out and touched the door, just touched it. Shoulders shaking as she tried to hold back the sob stuck in her throat.
Her whole body trembling again she searched for the door handle and slowly, quietly, opened it. It was dark inside aside from a little nightlight in the shape of an eagle. Not that it mattered for her but it did for the small body laying ever so still in her bed. Taking cautious steps she moved closer to that bed. Making sure not to trip over any toys left on the floor like they usually were. Doing her best not to turn her head to the other side of the room where the second bed laid empty. Even if she couldn't see it...she knew it was there.
Carefully she reached out and let her hands guide her along the edge of the small bed until they brushed against the lump under the covers. Sitting just on the edge she tried not to jostle the child too much but there was no need for it. Wide amber eyes were already staring up at the woman. Full of knowing and sadness that no child her age should have.
"Momma? Bad dream again?", the little voice made her freeze for a moment before she relaxed and reached out awkwardly to find the head of dark hair and run her fingers through it.
"Yeah sweetie...Sorry I woke you.", she kept her voice low even though the little one was awake. Small, fragile hands touched hers and she gently grasped them. Trying to keep her composure in front of her daughter. She felt her shifting in the bed while still holding her hand, probably sitting up now.
"Its ok. I don't mind. I couldn't sleep either." Those words made the woman sigh softly. It seemed the only one that got any sleep most nights was her wife. Course she had been throwing herself into her job since what happened. No one could blame her for it either. "My leg kept hurting..."
Her lips trembled slightly as she leaned close to pull her daughter into a tight embrace. Starting to shake all over again and the tears finally started to fall. The doctors said she would have to wear a brace for the rest of her life. The burn and the break had just been too severe. Like her own blindness, her daughter's damaged leg would be constant reminder of that horrible night.
"Shhh...momma its ok...don't cry." How sad was that? Her own child was comforting her while she bawled like one. But the memories...they were just too overwhelming.
They were on their way to pick up her wife from the airport. She had been gone for a whole week on a big job. The girls had sat in the back singing along with the radio at the top of their lungs. She hadn't minded, loving the sound of their happy voices. Her eyes had left the road for only a second. For just one second to look in the rear-view at them and laugh when they both stuck their tongues out at her.
That's when everything changed. Time seemed to slow to a crawl as she spotted dog from the corner of her eye. Massive and covered in shaggy black fur and those eyes...it was as if in that moment they were looking right into her soul. Charcoal black and as empty as a bottomless hole. The girls screamed as she swerved to keep from hitting it. The roads were slick with ice and recent frozen rain, she lost control and the car hit the ditch...and flipped. Again. And again. And again.
After the fourth time she lost count. Witnesses say they had flipped at least three more times before stopping at the bottom of the small hill. She had been thrown from the car, seatbelt had snapped. She couldn't see...there were flashes of light, pain, and red. Blood that had gotten into her eyes but that was all. And her body...she couldn't move. She remembered hearing her little girls screaming, trapped in the car. It was on fire now...she could still smell the gasoline and smoke.
By the time help came and the fire was out she had been unconscious and her daughter's screams had faded away.
All of that had rushed to her in that split second of listening to the child in her arms comfort her. Shai...sweet little Shai. Her voice sounded so much like her sisters. Even for twins they had been so much alike it was astounding. They had their differences that set them apart of course. There was a small horrible part of her that was glad she couldn't see anymore...glad that she couldn't look at Shai's face as see her sister there.
The little girl just let her mother cry and hold her silently now. Nuzzling against her shoulder for her own comfort. Wishing that Tai was still there to give her advice like she always did. Her sister had always been the one with a plan. Though she wasn't as outgoing, she was the thinker. Shai heard a noise near the door and she looked up slightly to see her other mother standing there with pain etched on her face.
"Ebony...?", The dark skinned woman moved forward slowly as she watched her life partner tense up and take deep breaths. She was trying to hide the fact she had been crying. But to no avail. "Ebby, its ok. Its going to be ok..."
A bit of sniffling and Ebony looked up and a bit past her wife with watery eyes, not exactly sure where she was standing. The woman sat down on Shai's other side and gave her that charming smile that usually made her feel better. But there was pain in that smile as she forgot that her love couldn't see it.
"Crow...sorry. I...", Ebony wiped at her face and Crow reached out took her hand while putting the other on Shai's tiny shoulder. The touch let the pale woman know where her wife was now. That little girl was the one bit of comfort in all the agony they had been through. It was the one reason Crow wasn't as big a mess as Ebony.
"You're fine. Why don't we go to the kitchen for some hot chocolate ok? Then we'll head for bed.", Shai seemed to perk up with that suggestion and was already starting to wiggle her way off the bed. Her mangled leg not hindering her much as she braced herself on the bed's edge to get over to her little nightstand that had her brace leaning on it. Ebony could hear her stumbling and it made her cringe but the feeling of Crow's hand squeezing hers made her smile slightly. "Do you need help hun?"
Shai just shook her head as she hobbled to get the brace on. Both of them were proud that Shai was handling it well. They didn't know that the girl had made a promise to herself, that she'd live twice as much for her lost sister. No matter how hard it got she'd push through. Once she was done she limped her way over and touched Ebony's knee to let her know she was ready. Ebony's smile brightened a little as Crow helped her stand up and lead her to follow Shai out of the bedroom.
The little family made their way downstairs though Shai did have to lean heavily on her mothers so she didn't slip. This was how most nights went for the household since what happened. Someone had a nightmare, couldn't sleep, or went on long drinking binges and stumbled into the house late at night. But no matter what they did their best to make it through.
Hot chocolate made and drank, back up the stairs they had gone. This time Shai joined her mothers in their room to sleep for the rest of the night. None of them really wanting to be separated now. With their daughter tucked snuggly between them, Ebony and Crow shared a short kiss. They didn't often do such things anymore, it was a bit rare. There was deep bitterness lingering between them after that night. But they were healing, and hopefully one day that too would fade and they could move on.