#eclair gets personal

[eclair]

Cramming night

I dunno if I will still get to sleep. I will be cutting stickers. Also stamping the back of the individual ones so people know i made it.

I hope I will be human enough to handle the event tomorrow and I hope people buy my stickers. Wish me luck

[eclair]

Another year older but not really wiser

Or maybe on the road to becoming wiser.

I just have plenty of issues, and these things are stuff I have been reflecting on the past couple of weeks. Issues from childhood, issues caused by bereavement, the lack of closure on certain matters, etc.

Today, I spent a day out with my sister, having lunch at this place with hotpot and a decent buffet of cooked food. We didn’t get to watch a movie but we checked out books and that is something we like doing anyhow so it’s a good way to spend an afternoon. Before going home, we got some stuff from the nearby supermarket.

At home, I had a fairly long video call with my boyfriend. I miss him a lot. LDR sucks but at this time, video calls will have to do.

Maybe I will do a fic rec list in a bit to celebrate this day. :)

[eclair]

Why I’ve been posting more lettering and calligraphy

Real talk here.

I haven’t been as inspired as I used to. For quite a while, I was thinking that I can never ever draw again but I do have some moments when I get inspired to draw and am happy enough with the results. But for quite a while now, I’ve been struggling to create, specifically to draw anything.

Read more under the cut.

I realize that certain personal circumstances got me thinking about too many things. And that I have been away from people (online and offline) so I don’t really get as much socialization as I used to. I haven’t bounced off ideas with people in a while now. I haven’t really talked to people as much and as I type this, I am keeping myself in check that I do need to talk to at least 2-3 people within the day/night.

Lettering and calligraphy has been one of the more relaxing things that I’ve done. Because I haven’t had the desire to do other creative endeavors, I’ve been focusing on calligraphy and lettering, realizing that your Asks and prompts do remind me that I have something to hope for (because a lot of you send such optimistic quotes!) and that I can do something, which is to play with the letterforms and colors.

For a while I lost appetite for a lot of things. I think it was practically two months of not really doing anything creative not even reading much fan fiction during that time (I know, how could I?! But here I am, coming clean). I lost touch with people and I am now finding it harder to get back to being more social. But those Asks and prompts, they’re helping me get back to talking to people because the quotes are interesting and I learn about other fandoms and what people like. I guess this is my equivalent of small talk. And that’s why I am thankful for people who have sent me prompts.

There are people who sometimes check on me via DMs and I am thankful. On my own, I don’t think I can really socialize, practically not knowing how to start a conversation these days. I get anxious too. This is partly why I am not on Discord either. I get anxious about interacting even online, especially in groups. I am more withdrawn than I used to be.  I am trying my best to make it better. You are helping me make it better.

So I hope you keep on sending me those prompts. I get some practice - not just my lettering and calligraphy, but also in talking with people.

It might seem silly to some, but this is me. I am weird. And as much as I am very curious about other people and fandoms too, I get easily freaked out by groups these days. I feel like I am overwhelmed by the number of ideas and chatter around me. And I am afraid of saying something that might tick off other people. But I am ok with one on one DMs and chats these days. Somehow.

I am hoping that I could draw more again soonish. I still love Yuri On Ice! I just don’t have ideas of what to draw. You could prompt me some Otayuri and Seungchu and maybe something will come out of it. Hopefully something cute. I am getting myself into Free! and I do love all of the swimmers so maybe, just maybe, I could also draw those precious boys. For now, I just lurk here and scribble.

If you’ve read the entirety of this, thank you so much. You have patiently gotten through a part of my mind and I hope you understand.