ecstatic existence
This evening on the way home from work, I found myself flying down Stone Ave* on my bike, not pedaling just coasting. The air hit fast and fresh and I felt that I was simultaneously existing yet non-existent.
Two-thirds of the way down, I found myself seized with a feeling of delight at being alive so strong that is almost overwhelmed me. For a touch of clarification to elucidate the elation, tonight was not the first time this has happened nor does the feeling only arrive on bike.
Further, I don't think that the sensation is purely based in the senses, though I do think that plays some role. Rather, I think it is a culmination of things. Say I find myself in a situation in which my senses are already stimulated pleasurably- speeding down a hill- and there are a critical number of subconscious variables just right enough to prime my attitude. In a condition like this, should I happen to float upon or somehow find in my mind some additional tincture of pleasure (as I did this evening) an ecstaticness sets fire across my body and all of a sudden, I feel so very fortunate that I should get to be alive in this moment. It is always a genuine feeling and never preordained.
And it is after moments like this that I come to think that for anyone, no matter their background or current juncture in life, there must also exist the potential for a spot a time, even if only a blip or ripple, when the business of being is not so bad.
For me, it makes the contrary occasions when consciousness seems a cavernous empty gloom or when I'm stuck in the middle of any number of unfortunate things, to me it makes those times just a little more bearable. whew for that.
*(a steady mile long descent...ascent, at times)