Cursed (Ed Stevens x Reader)
Rating: G
Summary: Without being fully aware of it, you seek out Ed for comfort on an issue that had been eating away at you until you broke.
A/N: hey everyone. So, you all know that I like to write things that I think people would enjoy. But I also write things that I just need to write - sometimes just for me, to get out everything that’s in my head and feel a little better. I also write these stories so that I can come back to them and read them at a later date, again, to feel better. This one I’ve written here was something that I felt like I needed to write for me the other night. I don’t really know if anyone can relate to the issue in here (or even knows Ed Stevens very well - if you don’t, and would like to, start here), or if it’s any good, but I decided to post this in case it comforts someone else even a little too.
Warnings: Emotional Hurt/Comfort fic (with a sweet ending)
***
It’s dark out, but you’re unaware of the time. You open the door to the building, but you don’t register where you are. You don’t know anything right now. It’s dark, it’s late, and you have been walking around for God knows how long in this strange sense of limbo.
But if there’s one thing you do know, it’s that the overwhelming sense of sadness - loneliness - is inching up from your heart to your eyes where it will inevitably erupt in the form of wet, salty tears.
Scuffed, tiled floors?
Lemon Pledge?
Nacho cheese?
Did you hear your name just now?
“(Y/N)?”
There it is again.
You look up to find your good friend Ed standing in the doorway to his office. So you’re in Stuckey Bowl… You can’t even begin to wonder how you got all the way to this part of town on foot. Ed smiles at you at first, but when he takes a much better look at you, his expression turns to worry - dread, perhaps.
“Ed?” you ask, totally out of it still.
“Is everything-?”
He never gets to finish his sentence because the tears have already begun to fall, accompanied by a choked sob - the first of many. You feel like your legs are going to give out from under you, but Ed has rushed over the few steps to keep you steady in his arms. You hold on for dear life.
“Hey, hey, hey, what’s going on?” he asks softly.
“I- It’s- Never- I-” Clearly you are incapable of forming a sentence.
“Come here,” he says, helping you into his office and whether it’s your friend’s kindness, his soothing voice, or just actually having someone there for you when you need it, it sends you into more vocal cries.
Ed is watching you so intently, attempting to get a better look at your face. Knowing him, he’s probably wishing to make everything you’re feeling disappear just by willing it away. Trying to be brave, you go to look him in the eye, but that just makes it worse. It seems far too much like pity, and you are already feeling too much of that for yourself.
He takes your hands in his and silently offers for you to sit down on his office’s sofa. A ball of tension forbids you from sitting back and relaxing, so instead you sit rigidly. You sniffle loudly, and Ed wordlessly hurries over to his desk to fetch a box of tissues for you.
“You probably know this already,” he starts slowly, “but you can tell me anything. And if you don’t want to talk, I’m still here for you anyway.” He places his hand on your arm. You nod, then inhale. Talking. Talking is good. You can get this out.
“You’re probably busy with a case if you’re here so late,” you say in an attempt to back out.
“Screw the case. You’re more important.”
“You’re not getting paid to watch me be a mess, though.”
“(Y/N).”
“Okay…”
In the most hoarse, wavering voice, you begin to tell of your inner sorrows.
“I am… Ed, I am so, so lonely. I know that sounds pathetic. Horribly pathetic and stupid, and I am ashamed, believe you me. And I realize that people are having real, actual problems that matter. But, you just have no idea as to the extent of this loneliness and sadness I’ve been feeling and how it’s been affecting me. Especially lately.”
“(Y/N)... you know you’re not alone,” Ed tries while he rubs circles on your back. “We’re all here for you, every day. Mike, Nancy, Molly, yours truly of course.”
“I know, I know. But that’s not what I mean, and I think you know that too.”
“You mean having someone? A significant other?” he clarifies. You nod, then look him dead on.
“Ed, have you ever seen me with anyone? Have you ever known me to have a boyfriend over the course of our friendship?”
“Well, yeah, I… hang on.” Ed stares off to the other side of the room.
“Coming up short, right?” you give a small wry laugh.
“But that can’t be right.” He’s frowning, he can’t believe it. “It can’t be.”
“Well, it is, believe it or not. Because I’m cursed. I have been cursed and no man - no decent man - has crossed my path, let alone attempted to cross my path. It’s like I have an invisible sign over my head saying STAY CLEAR OF THIS ONE. Or NOTHING SPECIAL, MOVE ALONG.”
“Stop it,” Ed orders you. His hands fall to your shoulders and he gets you to face him. “Don’t you ever say anything like that. You know that’s not true.”
You scoff.
“Except if you’ve lived this long, being lonely for this long, you start to actually believe it.” You think you’re about to start crying again, but Ed has you in a tight hold close to him. Your tears leak onto his T-shirt.
“You can’t give in to those thoughts, (Y/N).” His hand feels so nice on your back, and you almost think that maybe it’s rubbing every bad emotion and thought out of your body. “You just can’t. You are so worthy of love and it hurts me that you can’t see it. You are amazing and smart and funny and kind- I can keep this going all night. Just watch me!”
You chuckle the slightest bit.
“See? There you go. You have so many wonderful qualities that could take nights to rattle off and someone is going to see them all. ...You never know, someone already might have noticed.”
“Ed, this is Stuckeyville, are you kidding me? Do you not know all the men in this town? They are shit. You and Mike notwithstanding.” Ed opens his mouth to say something, but you accidentally interrupt. “Maybe I should just leave. I’ve lived here all my life, but what good has that done me? I mean, yes I have my job, and I love it. And generally life is alright, but what good is any of this without someone to spend your happiness with? Maybe they’re elsewhere. Because, you know, I don’t even know what that’s really like, Ed!” you cry. “What’s it like? What’s it like to have someone? What’s it like to be in love?”
Before he can answer, you dive in again for another hug, desperate to feel some more comfort from him.
“It’s… indescribable,” he says, words muffled in your hair. You don’t really have anything to say to that. That’s what everyone you’ve asked throughout your life has said. Indescribable. There are no words. Just once, you’d like to experience this mythical thing called love so that you can have no words to say about it too.
You give a little tired sigh, relieved even just the tiniest bit for at least having got those spiralling thoughts out. You just needed a sounding board. What on Earth would you do without Ed?
“Well, I’m sure I’ve bothered you enough already, so I should probably go home. And oh- I’m sorry, I totally ruined your shirt.”
“You have not bothered me in the slightest,” Ed assures you, “and I have plenty more of these shirts at home. Bought them in bulk. Not even remotely an issue.”
“Ha… okay, then.”
“Let me drive you home,” he offers.
Naturally, you let him because now it’s somehow the middle of the night, and neither one of you would feel comfortable with you wandering home on your own. When he reaches your place, Ed even walks you to your front door. Honestly, sometimes you wonder how this guy is single too.
“Thanks for the ride, Ed,” you say, “You really are the best. I don’t know what I would have done without you tonight.”
“Let’s not think about that, but I’m glad that I was there to help you,” he says softly, pulling you in for a goodbye hug. “If you ever so much as feel even slightly upset again, I want you to call me. Find me. Track me down, I don’t care. I need to know you’re alright. Promise?”
“Yes, I promise. Thank you.”
You pull away from the hug, but before Ed lets you go, he says, “And (Y/N)?”
“Yeah?”
“About what you said earlier. Don’t leave Stuckyville. Just… just don’t. At least, not yet.”
“Why?”
“Because I couldn’t bear it if you did.”
“Oh. Well, then I won’t. At least, not yet.”
“Good.”
“Okay.”
“...Goodnight, then.”
“Goodnight, Ed.”
***
In the morning when you go downstairs to fetch the paper, you are startled upon opening your front door.
“Jesus,” you say with almost no breath left. Ed sits mere feet away from you, slumped over in one of your porch’s chairs. He stirs awake at the sound of your voice.
“Ed, what are you doing here? Were you here all night? You’ll catch a cold!”
He rubs his eyes awake. “Ah, don’t worry about me. I have the good ol Stevens immune system.”
“But why are you here?”
He stands. “I was afraid you’d skip town first thing in the morning. I wanted to stop you in case you did.”
You laugh. “You should know me better by now. I’m all talk, with no follow-through.”
“Well, I’m glad in this instance.”
There’s something in his voice. It’s not just relief, but something else that you can’t put your finger on.
“Do you… want to come in? I can make you the most caffeinated coffee or tea ever. You couldn’t have slept a wink out there.”
He scratches the back of his neck. “I’ll take you up on that.”
You open the door for him after grabbing the newspaper and soon getting started on the coffee. Once Ed finally has a piping hot cup in front of him, he takes a sip, then immediately puts it down.
“(Y/N)? This is terrible coffee. Simply atrocious.”
“Gee, thanks,” you laugh.
“Something has to be done about this. Would you like to get a cup of real coffee with me?”
“What? Now?”
“Yes, now. I’m pretty near falling asleep here. You may need to help me get to the cafe.”
“Okay, then…” you agree. But as you walk away, you stop and frown, and end up spinning around to face Ed.
“Ed. Did you…”
“Did I what?”
“Is this a date?” There’s a pause.
“I was kinda hoping it would be.” His little smile speaks more than words. “It doesn’t have to be though if you don’t want it to be.”
“No, no. I um, I want it to be, too.”
Ed tries to suppress his growing smile. “Good. Great. That’s great. Do you want to…?”
You follow his gaze and see what he’s referring to - your big fluffy robe.
“Oh right!” You giggle. “I’ll just be a minute.”
After you’ve ditched the robe and freshened up a bit, you head back downstairs to a waiting Ed Stevens. And now you can’t help but have a sliver of hope that maybe your curse has been broken.