can you please do “i don’t want to hear your excuses anymore” and “how fucking dare you” for the angst prompt thing?? i love your writing and i’ve been craving some good reddie angst. tysm!
oKAy so 1. THANK YOU IM SO GLAD YOU ENJOY MY WRITING💞💞 2. i am SO SO sorry that this has taken so long to come out i just wanted it to be really goOD!! this is sad as shit and i’m so sorry about that, but like aNgSt ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i don’t have a title for this and i rlly rlly hope you like it !!! (its 1560 words) also also big thanks to loml dipstopher for readin through it for me!! @ass-gardiann
The summer of ‘84 is when it all seemed to go wrong for Eddie Kaspbrak. He had come out as gay, and told his best friend, Richie Tozier, that he was in love with him. The Losers were very accepting of him, and a few others in the group have even come out at gay or bi since then, but Richie (being the bisexual disaster he is lmao) didn’t talk to Eddie for an entire week after he told Richie about his feelings, and things haven’t been the same between the two since then.
That was about two years ago, and more than just Eddie and Richie’s relationship has changed since then. Eddie became a star runner on the varsity track team, and he has only remained friends with Mike and Ben because they were also on the track and field team. He hadn’t spoken to the rest of the Losers since he became “popular”, only sending them awkward waves as he walked down the hallway with his girlfriend Great Bowie. Yes, the same Greta that used to make fun of Eddie and would call him a stupid fairy.
Now, he didn’t lie to the Losers when he came out at 15 years old, quite the opposite actually, he was lying about his sexuality now in fear of the response that he’d get from those around him, that they would do what Richie did.
It wasn’t that Eddie didn’t miss the Losers, and that was obvious because of how often he asked Mike and Ben how they were doing. The rest of the Losers missed Eddie just as much as he missed them, but they all knew that Richie would have to be the one to solve the problem. Both boys seemed to be absolute disasters without the other. Richies bad smoking habit only got worse, and Eddie’s anxiety worsened. No matter how upset they were they both knew, deep down that they needed each other to feel complete.
It was a cold day in Derry, and it was only getting colder as sundown approached. Eddie had stayed late after track practice, so he could get a few more laps in. Running cane so natural to Eddie that he never had to think about what he was doing, so he normally thought about whatever was stressing him out which was usually Richie, school, his mom, or all three. Today he was thinking about how Greta had broken up with him for some cooler guy that was on the football team, and Richie because Ben had told him this funny story about how the taller boy fell while attempting to learn a skateboard trick. He smiled, thinking about the grin that Richie probably had plastered on his face after the fall, when he stepped in a rock that he hadn’t noticed and tumbled to the round.
“Aghh” He yelled out in pain. He was sure that he had sprained his ankle. He couldn’t just sit there on the grumpy track, so he picked himself up and began limping to the empty locker room to collect his things, whimpering every few steps as he walked out of the building and begun making his way towards his house when he heard a voice he would never forget.
The annoyingly wonderful nickname that he hadn’t heard in what felt like forever, and hearing it now made his heart break more than he expected. He froze hoping that if he just ignored it, Richie would go away, but he knew that wouldn’t happen, and deep down, he knew he didn’t want it to. Eddie turned around to face the boy that broke his heart by denying his young heart years prior. Tears stung at his eyes, and he wasn’t sure if it was from the throbbing pain his ankle was exerting, or the overwhelming amount of emotions he was feeling. He slowly turned around, cringing at the amount of pain he was feeling throughout his whole body.
“Eds holy shit are you okay?”
It may have been two years since they had last spoken, but Richie was yet to forget anything about Eddie, knowing fully well that he wasn’t okay. Eddie on the other hand, wasn’t aware of this, and believed he was doing a rather good job at concealing his feelings.
“Yeah, I’m fine, and don’t call me Eds, Richard” He spit our Richie’s name as if he was disgusted by the thought of the other boy, though he wanted nothing more than to be held by him.
“Sorry…Eddie.” He let out, his voice cracking at how much he was hurting in that moment. Eddie was about to walk away, not wanted to deal with the problem he’s avoided for so long anymore than he already has.
“Wait, let me drive you home at least! You can’t walk with your ankle fucked up like that, it’ll only make it worse.” Richie practically yelled out, not wanting Eddie to leave. No matter how hard he tried to put on the facade of someone who didn’t give a fuck, it would almost always falter when it came to the people that were important to him.
Eddie pondered Richie’s offer, knowing that he was right, but he unsure if he was mentally prepared for the awkward car that would be ahead of him if he agreed. After a few moments Eddie finally spoke up.
The whole car ride Eddie tapped his foot to the loud, nostalgic rock music that Richie was playing while Richie thought up the perfect apology because he couldn’t let Eddie slip out of his hands for the second time. They pulled up to the Kaspbrak house, and Eddie placed his right hand on the door handle to exit the vehicle when Richie placed his large hand over Eddie’s left. Eddie froze not sure how this next conversation was about to play out. Richie took a deep breath before finally speaking.
“Eds I am so sorry I ever hurt you, I just didn’t understand you, my feelings, or anything really. I never meant to hurt you i just-“ Richie was speaking at a rapid pace, but somehow Eddie was able to grasp onto every word. He cut him off when he had finally had enough. He wasn’t sure what was going to come out next, but he didn’t care. He was finally going to let out all of the pent up anger he had let build up.
“Stop it Richie! I don’t want to hear your excuses anymore!” Eddie wanted to be mad, he really did, but that was extremely difficult since he could see the sincerity and utter sadness in Richie’s eyes.
“Eddie I am so sorry, for everything I-” He stopped, the two boys licking eyes. Eddie didn’t speak because he knew that Richie clearly had more to say. “I-I love you Eddie.” He was finally able to choke out what he had been feeling since he was a child, but Eddie only shook his head in disbelief.
“How fucking dare you. What makes you think you can hurt me the way you did, not speak to me for two whole fucking years, and then come back into my life as if nothing happened. Literally so much has happened Rich. You made me cry alone in my room for weeks on end, making me feel like I shouldn’t be who I am. I thought that if anyone were to accept me, it’d be you, but I was naive to that it would be okay in this shitty town we live in.” Eddie was sobbing at this point. His words were full of anger and they mushed together. “You made me feel like…like I shouldn’t love you. Like i couldn’t be your best friend.” Eddie softly let out that last part, half hoping Richie couldn’t hear him over the sounds of his sobs and heavy breathing.
Richie heard every word though, his heart breaking a bit more as he spoke each sad word. Without thinking, Richie unbuckled his seatbelt, and reached across the vehicles, pulling Eddie into a tight embrace, sobbing himself.
“Eddie, I am so sorry I made you feel that way. You don’t deserve that, I just didn’t know how to deal with my own shit. It was never you. You’re perfect Eddie.”
They sat in each other’s arms, crying until Eddie realized that he should get inside before his mother came out looking for him. They separated, looking into each other’s sad eyes for what felt like a lifetime. Richie reached up and wiped away Eddie’s tears with his thumb, and it was just as warm as Eddie remembered. A few years fell down Richie’s face as he admired Eddie’s gorgeous features. He had a feeling Eddie was about to walk out of his life for the second and final time.
“I am so sorry Eddie, and I hope that one day you can bring yourself to forgive me.”
More and more tears began to stream down his pale face he watched the love of his life step out of the car and walk into his house without looking back. Richie sat in his car crying for thirty minutes, not leaving until his vision was finally clear enough for him to drive, not knowing that Eddie sat crying in his home watching him the whole time.
perma taglist: @wlwrichie @eddiehoney @kingsteve-more-like-dadsteve @trashmouths-love-to-cuddle @puzzlin
