Apr 26, 2015
A week ago I was in Sophie’s living room with Etco and Pat and Noam and I miss those kids and that whole damn city.
seen from Spain
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from Netherlands
seen from United States
seen from Qatar
seen from United States
seen from Qatar
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from Spain
seen from Türkiye
seen from France
seen from Türkiye
seen from China
seen from Türkiye
seen from Türkiye
A week ago I was in Sophie’s living room with Etco and Pat and Noam and I miss those kids and that whole damn city.
J’ai passe le meilleur weekend à Montréal avec mon club de français. J’ai vu beaucoup de chiens avec les sweaters. Et j’ai rendu visite à certains de mes meillures amis. Merci à Patrick, Etco, Noam, et Sophie. Je vous aime. Maintenant, j’ai une interogation demain and trop devoirs. Je veux être canadienne.
Je <3 Montréal.
Having a friend who you think of as an "internet friend" but in actuality lives half an hour away show up at your school without warning is one of the most interesting and bafflingly normal things.
I love my silly, self-aware friends.
I'm still thinking so fondly of going to the beach with Kara, Alex, Justine, Vik, and ShaSha in August.
It was so nice.
Just.
So.
Nice.
Wow wow ow wowow I just took a look back and immersed myself in all things fandom and coming back to the real world hit me hard. Something in the air in lieu of the TFIOS movie release feels just like old fandom and it's making me miss Harry Potter like mad. I miss skipping around The Wizarding World with a bunch of nerds and singing The Weapon in Theater Nine, making people piles because we didn't want the ball to end, Sharpie on skin, going on travels with people I just met, dancing it up at the ball, and singing Total Eclipse of the Heart and sobbing. Forever really did start on those nights. We've had a whole lot of good even through the bad, and we gotta hold onto to that forever, to our infinity, internet. Oooh man. I'm missing things a whole lot and that's okay. Shout out to our girl Esther for watching over us.
Everything is just really fuckin' weird right now.
This past week has been one of the weirdest and most eventful of my life. I'm being thrown around the Rutgers bureaucracy for a bunch of intake and protocol things because of one of my extreme lows. I felt happiness for a little bit last night when I was out being a groupie for friends at a coffeehouse. Talent makes me happy. Supporting my friends makes me happy, because even if I wasn't blessed with talents like theirs, I have the honor of seeing their happiness on a stage when they're doing things they love to do.
These are the moments and events college is about. It's sitting and supporting causes in various coffeehouses. It's getting free hugs on campus and seeing sororities and fraternities in their brightly colored shirts trying to sell you cookies and brownies. It's finding fun in things that only make you happy temporarily so you can have something to laugh at and reminisce about in the future. It's the sun making everyone happy, even if I myself don't feel anything at all. I'm feeling rather numb right now, but if anything is making me feel the least bit alive, it's how much life is present in everyone on a warm and sunny day after a hell of a winter and a week of rainy days.
A cheesy Taylor Swift song just played in the dining hall, and it reminded me of a time I felt very much alive. I had good flashbacks -- to actually breaking the screen and sneaking out of his bedroom window, a hotel hallway in San Francisco, dozens of shooting stars, a weird-ass comet that flew in only his vision, a day trip to California with CD's of throwbacks, a 20-minute set of my favorite songs, the Queen Mary, drive-in movies, the hours spent sitting and talking, stressing over youth events, Camps, etc, etc, etc.
And now I'm thinking of EFAO and all our makeshift 'cons.' ButterCrisiscon, Freedomcon, Leakycon 2011, RockCon. My very first music festival at Osheaga with super rad folks, drunkenly singing Mr. Brightside at a karaoke bar, first kisses on New Years, weird walks downtown at 4am, KILLKILLKILL, crying in a bed with Alex Hare when my uncle died, a hug from Clare at Leaky2011 to make me feel better when she didn't even know me, Disneyland with Alex's, Dahlia, and Patrick, going to Cali and getting drunk on the beach with free Bubba Gump glasses from our bff Demetrius, being IRL friends with Alex, randomly appearing at her doorstep at NYU at 11pm with Kara, taking pictures in big green chairs, la la la. (I just want to spend loads of money to take a random-ass trip to be with these people in the summer, people I haven't seen in forever. Maybe that can happen. Maybe I'll fly back for the hell of it.)
Then there's Lizaine and Kristine. The friendship that I underestimate whenever I fall into my lows; the immense understanding; the humor that no one else has; the friendship we appreciate every single day; the breath of fresh air it is just bumping into one of them as I walk to classes; the fact that people are actually fans of our friendship; how others feel the connection; that beautifully vulnerable moment when the three of us broke down in each other's arms during adoration after six years of being apart. Our unbreakable and constant friendship that has essentially saved my life in more ways than one.
I've got a lot of life in me, and these are the things I need to rediscover.
Wizard Rock Twisted behavior
Maybe Tomorrow (i'll stop being a piece of shit)
I Was a Teenage Werewolf doing the best that i can (but obviously not good enough)
The Weasleys- unlike Alex- are all such solid stand up folk
I Was a Teenage Werewolf getting hit on by a 30 year old man
7 Potters (and all of them are minors)
Perfect For Each Other (is what I said to ten underage girls in one night)
Loose Lips? More like lose morals and understanding of consent.