Finally thought of an idea to send: bachelors taking care of a drunk builder it kinda plays off ur first set of headcanons and I thought that would be cute lol I'll probably ask for the ladies later but I don't wanna overwhelm you right now
Ehehehe, y'all anons are just the gift that keeps on giving. Apologies for my garbage mental health recently, but I finally managed to power through this one. Let me know if y'all like it or dislike it or disagree entirely, 'cause there's just so much to dig into with these characters.
Mild? NSFW below
For the most part, I treated the bachelors as sober
PSA: Don't be like me. Please learn to drink responsibly
Anyway! No further ado, headcanons for the bachelors taking care of a drunk builder are below the cut :)
Arvio
You're drunk, and this is Arvio we're talking about. Supervision flies right out the window if he's gonna be your DD. That said! He would be a ton of fun while taking care of his drunk builder. If you're more of the runner type, he's right next to you helping to cook up the next step of whatever wild scheme you've got going. If you're a messy drunk, he's the one laughing and holding your purse/drink/tie/whatever. Even if you're throwing up in a corner, he's gonna be right there holding your hair the entire time, while desperately trying not to gag himself.
Most likely, even if he is the assigned DD, he's gonna end the night drunk right next to you lmao. Y'all are gonna stumble back to the workshop together & end up passed out on the floor, just a couple of hot messes. He doesn't know any of the best practices for dealing with a drunk person (keeping them hydrated, knowing when to get them to bed, de-escalating emotional outbursts, signs of alcohol poisoning, etc) so he's just gonna fly by the seat of his pants and assume everything will turn out okay. You're the hero of Sandrock after all! Why wouldn't you be able to handle one too many yakmel milks?
Burgess
He's gonna try; he really is. Let's hope his builder is one of the lovey dovey or sleepy drunks 'cause otherwise, I'm not quite sure Burgess has it in him to really wrangle a more active drunken builder. I love the guy, but as a person very well versed in getting drunk people to sleep, I just don't think he has enough of the spine for it. He can coax and reason all he wants, but herding drunk people is like herding donkeys. It takes a certain level of assertiveness and physical strength to pull off.
That being said, I think end-game Burgess has way better odds. Once he really starts to blossom in his role as Minister, he's gonna really come into his own, and could potentially become the ultimate drunk whisperer. Like, I tend toward the belligerent/runner side of drunk, but even if I was shitfaced on a sidewalk, if Minister Burgess came up to me with his fancy hat and his completely zen soul, I'd listen to anything and everything that man said, no argument.
Ernest
Oh he's narrating in his head the entire time. His builder is gonna be riding a mechanical yakmel or something and he's soliloquizing about the way their hair shines in the garish bar lighting, the wild glint of freedom in their eye as they finally let loose and have fun amidst all the darkness in the world. I think I mentioned this in a previous post, but I definitely think Ernest is no stranger to partying from his time back in Atara growing up with Luna, so despite what you may infer from his being an author, I do think he's very well acquainted with party scenes and drinking, even if he isn't particularly inclined to be the star of the show himself. So he'd be one of the more laid-back bachelors when it comes to taking care of a drunk builder, simply because he has the experience to know when to step in and how to handle a situation if things start to get too rowdy. He knows it's all just about having fun, so even if he has to be the sober one, he's gonna have fun too!
He'll flirt with his drunk builder and get them blushing like crazy both because it's fun and because it makes it easier to get them to drink water and sleep later on. Plus, when you're drunk, you absolutely love the off-the-cuff sonnets he can come up with, no matter how terrible they are. That's probably his favorite bit, tbh. He loves having a captive audience of one where he can be free to just be creative.
Fang
Our grumpy, mother-hen KING. He's getting them to drink water and go to sleep, no ifs ands or buts about it. Again, don't make him tap the sign. He'll try to go about it all nice and lovey at first. "Come on Swan, it's time to go home. You've had enough." But if his builder puts up a fight? (Not a physical one, obviously) I could see him sneaking up behind them with a well-placed acupuncture needle and boom, they're out cold. Like the dead ragdoll Peter Griffin meme? That's the builder, watched over by a very grumpy & irritated doctor. He knows exactly how much of a toll heavy drinking can have on the body, and alcohol poisoning is especially dangerous in those cases. Even with modern IV drips and stomach pumping, alcohol poisoning can often be lethal, so given the lack of medical technology in Sandrock, Fang isn't taking any risks.
That being said, if his builder doesnt' tend to go overboard with the drinking, like in more of a casual social atmosphere than hardcore partying, he'd be very amused! He likes the way you get all giggly and cute with X, just going back and forth being downright silly.
Justice
If he's sober, he's in sheriff mode for sure. "You sure about another drink there partner? Let's try some water first." He's still very good natured about it, though. Sometimes you just wanna kick back and have some fun, and Justice definitely understands that. Like Ernest, he's a very laidback drunken babysitter. Regardless of his own self-doubts about living up to B3's example, he knows he can handle one drunk builder at the very least. Plus, that's his honorary Civil Corps member! It's a relationship built on the kind of trust you can only have with someone you've Seen Some Shit with. When compared to battling Geeglers and Duvos, you getting drunk is pretty much an inconvenience at worst.
Even if he's not the one drinking, he still wants to have fun with you, and he loves how much you absolutely crack up at his dad jokes when you're drinking. He'll wanna spend the night out on the dance floor with you, making lame jokes, giggling over nonsense, maybe even some light pranks on Owen or something.
Logan
Grumpiest babysitter ever. How come he's gotta be the sober one this time? It's not like Rambo doesn't know the way back to the workshop. Though, he is gonna be very entertained if his builder is more on the belligerent side of drunk. Let me cook real quick. You're in a committed relationship, you're drunk, and some random tourist decides tonight is gonna be his lucky night. You're not feeling it and you do try to be polite at first, but the guy is pretty insistent. It's not gonna take long for Logan to make his way over, but before he can even get in close, you're already going off on the dude, letting him know exactly what you think and asking him if he really wants to take this outside. You've taken down far worse than Some Guy, and as soon as Logan realizes you're gonna chew him up and spit him out, the absolute SMUGGEST grin you can imagine is gonna be plastered all over his face. You'll walk back over to Logan, look at the guy and be like, "This is what big dick energy looks like, get tf outta here," and bro is gonna be doing his best not to take you straight back to the workshop and lay you down big style right then and there
If his builder goes too far, he's definitely just throwing them over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes to take home. Like, is Logan a lovey dovey little ball of fluff for his builder? Oh yes, but he's also a man of small patience, so if he sees things getting a little too out of hand, he's going full bouncer mode. He doesn't care if the whole saloon is filled with townies watching on in shock and amusement, he's tossing you over a shoulder and hauling you home. Just try not to throw up on him. Either way, he'll be less grumpy in the morning when you're hungover and he can tease you about it even as he brings you painkillers and water. "Ya just had to be the life of the party, huh?"
Miguel
He's gonna be a bit judgy about it honestly, but of course will treat it like it's his duty as a pastor and as the builder's lover to make sure that they stay safe and drink enough water. He's definitely the type to just try and herd them home as soon as he realizes how drunk they are. Good luck with a belligerent builder, Miguel. They don't go down easy.
"Alright Builder, it is time we head back home for the evening."
"Not yet Miguel, you gotta try one of Owen's blowjobs!"
Pastor.exe has stopped working. Once he realizes it's a type of shot, he's gonna be so relieved he actually tries it, no hands and all. He hates the taste, but can't deny that he does actually like being a little bit tipsy. If y'all are romancing Miguel, please teach this man how to let loose and have a little fun, for the love of Peach. Taking things too seriously is exactly how he got mixed up with Duvos, so help him find a more balanced approach to life.
Owen
Will swap your vodka for water, and when you let him know your drink doesn't quite taste right, he's gonna play so dumb you think you're the one who forgot what alcohol tastes like.
If you get too drunk, he's just gonna stash you in a room at the Saloon to recover. That way, at least in the morning he'll be close by to help you with your hangover the next morning. At first he'll walk in with the thickest, ickiest smelling mysterious green soup to help you finish throwing up & get it all out of your system. Then he'll take pity on you & bring you some extra greasy eggs with toast and fresh yakmel sausage. He won't try to embarrass you or anything, so he'll keep it all pretty discreet if he can. No tossing you around like potatoes like Logan would do, and no hyping you up to do even more shenanigans like Arvio. Owen is very high on empathy, and anyone working in hospitality - especially hotels and inns - understands that discretion is the number one rule for return customers and reputation.
He'll have the most fun just watching you hit the dance floor with reckless abandon, finally letting go of the responsibilities and weight that have plagued you since you arrived in Sandrock. You're a hero to the town, which is awesome, but he understands how much of a burden it is as well, so he'll have the most fun just watching you have fun.
Pablo
Oh honey, be prepared. He's not gonna put his builder in any danger of course, but this is also Pablo, let's be real. He wants drama and entertainment, so he's definitely gonna egg his builder on with whatever ridiculous scheme they're cooking up. You wont remember how it happened, but the photos the next morning are proof enough. He's got pictures of you dancing on the bar, twerking in the booths, a selfie of him holding your hair back as you throw up outside, the whole nine yards.
Don't expect a soft touch from Pablo. He knows as well as you do that you're a grown adult who makes your own choices. And those three extra rounds of tequila shots were definitely your choice. His choice was to document the entire thing so that he can have an entire library of photos titled "My Builder Being an Embarrassing Mess of a Human" and it's the item he's far and away the most proud to own. 100% his most beloved possession.
If you try to protest going to bed, he's gonna match your drama with drama of his own. "Oh such cruelty and injustice in the world has never been seen before as this. My darling, my queen, my muse and light. For a few dreadful hours we shall be parted, that our souls may intertwine somewhere in the distant aether. But part we must my love, for you are fucking drunk."
Pen
"AHAHAHAHA Oh Skinny, Skinny, Skinny. Your tolerance is as tiny as your cute little arms. Good thing you have your dedicated Protector here to look after you." As much as he would want to talk himself up, given his lack of body fat & tendency toward grandiosity, I put his actual tolerance at like, 4 drinks before he's seeing double. He's the friend that condescendingly offers to drink for you in games only to end up absolutely shitfaced after the first few rounds. So I don't really see there being a drunk builder without a drunk Pen soon afterward. He's not a super…nurturing person normally so being drunk with Pen would just be nigh unstoppable shenanigans I think. It'll be like 3am and y'all are four yakmel milks deep out in the desert facing off against boxing jacks mano e mano.
Once you start throwing up though, he's right back in hero mode, just drunk off his ass like "Skinny! Babe! Even your pukes are so tiny and cu-" he'll start gagging a little bit once the idea actually realizes itself in his head. So of course, it's time to bail. He's scooping you up quick & rushing back to the dorms by the church so he can wake Burgess up to tend to the both of you. Does it matter that Burgess has a sermon to deliver in less than 3 hours? No.
He would really like a playfully drunk builder, like one who would laugh and hang off his flexing biceps, giggling as you dangle in the air. Really, an affectionate and fun drunk builder would stroke his peepee ego in a way that no one else could, and he lives for that high. Sure you're drunk, but you've never thought he was more awesome in your life than right now, and that definitely works for him.
Qi
"Ugh, inebriation is one of those colloquial traits I have never been able to fully understand. Where is the appeal in deadening the most brilliant tools we have?"
"Qi, when we get home I think I'm gonna eat you alive and then sleep for a week." Cue the builder leaning over to not-so-quietly whisper all the things they wanna do to him in his ear. As soon as you mention some particularly creative ways to involve the mobile suit, he's rushing y'all out of there faster than a summer sandstorm.
On the whole, he's gonna be concerned, but rather hands off about it. He knows he doesn't have the upper body strength to carry you home, so he'll do his best to employ preventative measures instead. He's asking Owen to help cut you off, or for Justice to cart you home. He's not really sure how best to help a drunk person, so if you try to avoid going to sleep, he'll just talk about stars in that soft professor voice he does until you just pass out. Will he be a bit miffed that his lecture lulled you to sleep? Oh for sure. Qi is always miffed about something. But he'll look down at you while you're knocked out, already drooling on the pillow, and against all odds (he calculated them himself), he thinks it's adorable.
Unsuur
For the love of GOD, give this man a lovey dovey drunk partner omg. Half his conversations with a lovey drunk are just gonna go like "Unsuur, you're so amazing you know that? With all the rocks and shit, you're just adorable." "Thank you, no one's ever said that to me before. I've never thought of Wilson as adorable before, but now that you mention it, he kinda is. Not sure how my poops are cute, though."
For all the missed social cues, he's still a Civil Corps officer though, and won't hesitate if his builder gets too drunk. Before they know it, he's somehow already got them drinking water and in bed (autistic rizz). He's not gonna be particularly phased by a drunk builder, but a more belligerent drunk might catch him by surprise. Not that like, you're trying to fistfight him or anything, but just that you're arguing so much and for no reason. You'll bump into a bumbleant or something on the way home and start lecturing the poor creature on proper manners, and kids these days don't raise their pets right, a whole thing. Internally, Unsuur's gonna be confused as hell, but externally he's just gonna agree. "For all we've learned from humanity's greatest mistakes, we just don't make 'em like Wilson anymore," with a somber shake of his head. Unsuur is a man who can commit to the bit, and that goes for a drunk builder as well. Whatever bit they're on, he's finding a way to go with the flow.