So I woke up this morning and I felt especially hungry. In addition to my usual morning bowl of oats, I made a waffle.
So I sat down in front of my computer, figuring I'd eat some breakfast while I answer a few emails. You know, the usual weekday thing.
I should point out before I continue, that I was wearing my "lazy pants". Basically they're a fetching pair of old track pants that have been ravaged by time and a few unfortunate accidents with a MIG welder. But anyways, the important part is, there is a hole right around the lap area.
So, I'm looking at my oatmeal and I think to myself, "I bet dipping my crisp buttery waffle in oatmeal would be delicious." and I proceed to do just that. As I bring it to my mouth however, disaster strikes.
My mouth is open. The waffle is about a half inch from my mouth. And then the waffle buckles, and drops searing hot oatmeal directly into the hole in my pants.
Well this generous clump of searing oatmeal is now inside my pants just burning all the sensitive things in that whole general area. I let out a few spirited swear words as I jump up, which in turn scares Muffin awake and sends her running in a blind panic until she gets stuck in the curtains.
I clumsily drop my breakfast and start to hobble around the living room as I try to undo the drawstring on my pants. Meanwhile the lava-like mass of oats is just slowly tumbling down my leg, burning everything in its path like a slow moving lava flow.
I finally get my pants off in the kitchen, and let out a sigh of relief until I see what looks like a angrily yowling, sentient curtain moving very quickly in my direction. I try to sidestep the incoming muffin/curtain/curtain-rod/blanket homunculus, but instead slip and fall in the oatmeal that had fallen out of my pants leg earlier.
TLDR; I'm now the owner of an eye-patch, leg bandages, and a $3700 bill for the emergency room.
