#eibh.txt

[little-arsonist]

No, nothing exciting or important has been keeping me away.

I just lost track of time/days. I'm reading often, but I haven't gotten back to puzzles yet. Therefore, I haven't gone in the office in weeks. That also means my book nook sits untouched because it's in the office with the puzzles. Thank goodness I didn't go nuts buying the other cool book nooks.

Several times, I started writing about what I've been up to with every intention of posting it as the beginning of a queue. I drafted these and promptly forgot all about it. Even when I start a queue, I get distracted and don't actually add anything so I decide to post nothing.

I stay up later now in order to sleep until work. In between getting clothes together and making lunch, I can do something here. I know it. I believe in you, me.

[little-arsonist]

I don't really know what I'm doing anymore...

except now, I don't feel as down as usual. I'm not extremely depressed like I can get perhaps due to springtime.

But what is it called when I don't do the activities I enjoy anymore? I don't post here, I don't read or write, I don't do any art which has to do with a lack of inspiration, and I definitely don't exercise anymore. At least I'd gotten into a routine when I worked nights.

I know I need a new job or to go back to school for something different. Finding work here is almost impossible even with the right stuff so there's that.

I should make a queue but it's getting late. I can't put off bedtime forever.

[little-arsonist]

I have no idea what I'm doing.

That's not necessarily a bad thing.

[little-arsonist]

🤣 Looking back I was cryptic when I texted my friend. It's nothing bad. I'm not pregnant.

My bestie recently asked me if she could move into my spare room if it came down to it. She's looking into what transferring her credentials to Canada entails. Of course I said yes, but I did hesitate. I told my mother about everything, including the hesitation and why. She knows all about what happened. Even though it's been over a year, I still think about it sometimes. Otherwise I'd say our relationship is back to normal. She doesn't talk about her girlfriend, which I expected due to shit from years ago, even now with this planned move. I have had "I said I'll always have room for you" in my back pocket for a while too.

[little-arsonist]

I meant to continue the queue but I'm actually out socializing. It's been nice catching up.

[little-arsonist]

Like I've probably said before, if not several times, I should really write in a journal again.

My brain is full but I don't really want to talk to anyone. Not in person anyway. Of course there's nothing to help with writing fiction, fan or otherwise. I used to stress about not writing. Now it's barely a thought.

I'm attempting to finish a library book before my second time with it is up. I wasn't sure I'd worry about it, then I got into it. (Chuck Tingle's Camp Damascus, and funnily enough, when read in my usual browser size, it has 666 pages.)

I filled my mini portable paint palette, using toothpicks to stir and cotton swabs to clean up only for the watercolors to dry down to almost nothing. They are paints from Dollarama that I bought a few months ago. I actually painted something to test them. They weren't great. Maybe they'll be better right from the tube.

I haven't posted much lately. This second shift stuff sucks, though I don't feel as shitty as working overnight. I need to stop letting the blahs keep me in bed until just before work. I've gone from barely sleeping to sleeping for almost twelve hours straight. I guess that's good, like I'm catching up. I do need to get my shit together though. I have yet to pay for the Safe Sell course and think I should do Proserve or whatever the booze thing is called. It's all cheaper than going back to school.

[little-arsonist]

I was just thinking about how I haven't written in a journal, or much of anything. It's no wonder I wrote so much.

I should get to bed soon. It's only getting later and I could listen to Tori Amos for hours. I already have while doing housework and prepping lavender seeds to plant. I got a cactus in a cup that I probably drowned, but the strawberry pot has a few sprouts. I should probably move them to the upper level. The "office" and the spare room seem to get better light.

I don't know if it's because someone else is temporarily doing schedules or what, but after a few mornings/days, I've been strictly second shift. My days off are also split up. Not cool. My boss is back soon so I'll see if next week is the same, then raise hell if it is. Haha I say that but I really can't afford to get fired.

I should've gone back to school before the pandemic, not that I could afford it then either. I need a loan or to find some program that pays to train. I don't think the free level 2 childcare course if employed at an accredited center exists anymore, not that I'm not even sure I want to go back to childcare.

[little-arsonist]

I've missed writing here on my online diary. I never started a new journal and still don't want to yet. I want to point form some stuff and make a post, and while I should just write it in an actual journal, I haven't been around here as much. At least I'll be posting?