#eiliha shadeleaf

[riaevis]

“I want to know what makes you happy.”

“My daughter. Starts and ends there. If she’s okay... If she’s happy, if she’s safe, I’m the happiest thing in the world.”

[riaevis]

Heaven is in the eye of the beholder. Or maybe that was beauty. Something. Whatever.

Time in the faire flew by. He wouldn’t have exactly said that he was happy there, but he wasn’t miserable. He had food, and shelter, and an odd fanbase that seemed to favor blonde, tanned, blood elf men. He started to feel less like a performer of the circus variety and more a performer of, well…

But he was no carnie. That much was apparent to him. He longed for his forest and to feel his bow back in his hands. He missed Alryn’da’s companionship. And then there were those eyes that haunted his dreams. They had for years. He knew where to find them, back in the city, but…

The day that he decided to leave the Faire, Lillie was angry. The night that he actually left, she cried. Part of him felt as though he should have felt bad, or at least felt something, but he didn’t. As awful as it was, Lillie was just another warm body on a cold night. It was terrible, but it was reality. He walked away without so much as a glance behind him.

Deciding where to go from there had been difficult. He had options, from Pamina to Analeil, but the choice he made surprised more than himself. He was met with wide eyes and scrutiny when he found himself sitting opposite of Baelios in his office at D’athion Estate. It was there that he learned of Ilanthia’s fate at his hand, and why. That was where he reacquired Alryn’da and Errusea. He couldn’t have been more pleased.

Until, of course, Baelios brought Eiliha out to him. There was laughter and there were tears on both ends, and a lot of questions that Riaevis couldn’t answer about his whereabouts and how he was alive. His world was one that Eiliha need not touch, ‘lest she be tainted by the evils within it. That was the last thing that he wanted.

Eventually, their visit came to an end. Riaevis was cast back into the real world, still unsure of where to go long-term.The Lair was still not an option. Analeil...seeme dlike a worse idea. Really, being in the city at all and making his presence known seemed like an awful idea. But it didn’t stop him from booking a room at the inn in Auger’s Row. Old habits died hard.

Living a life where he never felt in danger and not having to care about or for anyone or anything but himself was beautiful. Selfish, but beautiful. But seeing his daughter smile and hearing her laughter, knowing she was safe and well… That was heaven. He would live in his flawed heaven any day if it meant her happiness.

[riaevis]

I don’t know if it felt like I wanted you here, the way that I wanted you last time.

There was a high-pitched sneeze that sounded from down the hall, followed by a shower of purple sparks flying out of Eiliha’s room. Riaevis looked at his younger sister in horror, but she only shook her head.

“She has a bit of a cold-”

“That’s a COLD?”

“…And she seems to have Pamina’s problem with wielding a lot of power in her little body-”

“She’s shootin’ purple, Raz!”

“…And some troubles with controlling it, but-”

“Great.”

“–But she’ll be fine.” Razanne frowned, not entirely pleased with being interrupted. Repeatedly. She reached up and took her elder brother by the shoulders and led him away from the hallway, out of Eiliha’s earshot. “Which is far more than I can say for you. What have you done, Riaevis? What is this?”

“What do you mean?” He frowned down at her, but Razanne wasn’t up to his games. She immediately reached for the lotus-shaped brooch pinned to his cloak, tugging at it.

“This. What are you doing, Riaevis? Do you want to get killed? You almost died the last time Analeil dragged you into that cesspit. You have more than yourself to think about now.”

“I know what I’m doin’, Raz.” He sighed.

“No, you obviously don’t.” Razanne hissed, stepping toward and into his personal space. “If you’re working for Ceithil again, if you’re off gallivanting with that…that whore, and you left Velarianna again?! No, Riaevis. You obviously DON’T know what you’re doing.”

Riaevis frowned and took a step back away from her. “Raz, you don’t get it. Listen-”

“No, YOU listen!” She interjected, following after him. Riaevis tried to backpedal again, but only ended up running into a wall back-first. Alryn'da, who sat at his feet, perked up her ears, but didn’t move. “I am tired of this. I am tired of having this conversation with you. I am tired of your excuses and I am tired of trying to steer you in the right direction without hurting your feelings. I’m tired of all of it.”

Razanne didn’t give him a chance to say anything at all. She drew in a deep breath and started in on him all over again. “Analeil is bad for you. Analeil is toxic. You two weren’t right for one another from the start and you never will be-”

“I know, Raz.” Riaevis tried to interrupt her.

“Obviously not! If you did, you wouldn’t be working for Ceithil again. I wouldn’t be taking care of and raising your daughter. You don’t know right from wrong, left from right, or up from down.”

“Razanne-”

“Don’t! Don’t even tell me that you do.”

“But I d-”

“Velarianna, Riaevis! Do I need to say ANYTHING else?”

Riaevis drew back into that wall like Razanne had slapped him. In a way, she kind of had. He drew his arms tightly around his midsection, hugging himself. He conceded with a sigh. “No.”

“She does not deserve an ounce of the way you’ve treated her. She doesn’t deserve any of this. She’s a good woman, and she deserves much, much better than you.”

“I kn-”

“That’s why you’re going to go apologize to her.”

“Wait, what?”

“You heard me. You are going to go find Velarianna and you are going to apologize to her. I don’t care if she accepts it or not. I don’t even care if sheshoots you, you’re going to do it.”

“…No, I’m not.”

“Yes,” She said sternly, shoving her older brother back roughly into the wall. Riaevis grimaced. “You are. You’re going to do it, and you’re going to do itnow, or you’re never setting a foot back in the manor again. Ever.”

“My daughter is here, Razanne.”

“Maybe that’s something you should consider while you’re refusing my command, then!”

“Razanne, I-” He was interrupted yet again, but this time, the blonde spellslinger before him had nothing to do with it. A very quiet sniffling sounded near his side. Riaevis glanced down to find Eiliha standing there in her rumpled night clothes, clutching her stuffed duck and rubbing sleepily at her eyes.

“Ann'da?” She questioned him, yawning. “Where’s Ari?”

The question alone was enough to cause Riaevis to close his mouth, to stop arguing. He knelt and lifted the child up, and Alryn'da nudged at his hand with her nose. He glanced at his sister. “I’m putting her back to bed.”

“I mean what I said, Riaevis.” Razanne spoke sternly. As stern as one could sound while whispering, anyway. Riaevis swallowed hard and nodded before he turned to head down the hallway, toward Eiliha’s room.

“I know. I know you do. She doesn’t deserve this. She…deserves an apology. At least.”

[riaevis]

A Different Kind of Struggle

It was a struggle.

He knew that his friends and family often laughed at him (or rolled their eyes, depending on the individual), but it really was a struggle. He could play it off as nothing if he wanted to, but it never really worked. Once everything was quiet, and everyone was gone, he was left alone with the shadows of his past, his own thoughts, and her phantom hands. Drinking didn’t work (it never had) and the thistle only quieted his mind for so long. Reality would eventually rear its ugly head and force him to face it. He wasn’t entirely sure how.

He knew now that, just as she had been before, Analeil would always be just out of his reach. She would always be there, dancing in the flames and tempting him until she could burn him all over again. When she had him where she wanted him, she raged with the fury of a storm. Beautiful yet dangerous and left nothing but destruction in her wake.

One wouldn’t think as much if they saw her now, sitting by the hearth in her apartment and strumming the lute she held in her hands. Their daughter was curled up on a fur blanket between them. She stared up at her mother with such admiration in her eyes. To Eiliha, Analeil could do no wrong. She would always be Min’da, someone who was away all the time and offered no apologies or explanations for it. But she would love her all the same. There had been a time when Riaevis felt the same way about her. Maybe he always would.

He had spurned more women than he could count since Eiliha’s birth. It wasn’t something he noted for ego’s sake, merely fact, and not one he was terribly proud of. He was flattered by their attention of course, but his heart had been tied up by the first love of his life. Even when she had wanted him far away from her and claimed to hate him the most, he had remained true to her. Was he a fool for his loyalty? Or was he just truly in love?

Analeil sang of past loves and perfect romances and Eiliha listened intently. Her stories were not a biography, just more fairy tales one would tell to a child. Believable, perhaps, unless you were learned in the ways of the world. Unless you knew her better than the tales that she liked to tell.

Though the women he had turned away had been plentiful, there had only been two that he had ever felt any regret over and that he had ever felt anything for at all. Velarianna Dawnseeker had been the first. A friend of his cousin Pamina’s, she was a Farstrider like Ana, though much younger. She wasn’t half as naive as he had perceived her to be, but he had turned her away all the same. Despite how hard she had tried to get through to him, Riaevis would have none of it. She ended up with some gladiator sort as a beau and the two rarely saw one another after that. She was happy, he gathered. He was somewhat surprised that she hadn’t moved out of their apartment yet.

Gallaria Quel’loras had been the second, but she had been different. They hadn’t met through any friends or family members. They had met by chance after Gallaria had been hurt by someone else. She was coping in the same ways that Riaevis had always chosen to cope. She had hinted, quite briefly, at being attracted to him, but she had never outright said it. In most ways, the woman was still a mystery to him.

Perhaps that was why now, despite sitting only inches from the woman he had come to know as his own, he could think of nothing more than the redhead he had dubbed “Softy”. She had never tried to push anything on him, never actively pursued him. She had left the chase to him, if he had wanted to pursue, and her door remained open. She had not berated him for openings left ignored, or simply not taken. She waited. He had not seen her in quite some time and though he tried his damnedest, his heart yearned.

Mid-song, Riaevis pulled himself off of the the rug behind Eiliha and headed for the door. He heard the sound of Analeil’s hand hitting the strings, but he was out of her apartment before she could ever ask where he was going.

[riaevis]

[4.]Tell you the truth I hate what didn’t kill me, it never made me stronger at all.

Analeil has Eilie for the week. This means that I had to see Analeil, face-to-face, when she was at least somewhat sober. So after she picked her up, I did what I thought was best. I fucking went out.

The city was pretty quiet while I was out, and I dunno. I don’t think quiet’s what I was looking for. So I kept walking until I was out of the city, and who did I end up running into? Ari. Great person to run into right after having to deal with the ex, right? Riiiight.

So I put on a happy face and walked up to her. She was with two other guys, one who was really quiet and that I can’t remember the name of (probably because he was so quiet) and some big guy in a bunch a plate named Kor’ethar. I say big guy but what I mean by big guy’s he had a lot of useless armor and some muscle to him. He kinda stood around like he was hot shit and so on and yeah. Armor. Big fuckin’ deal, right? Anyway, Ari introduced all of us and stuff. Kor talked a lot, mostly about his family problems. Something about his ex-wife banging her manservant while he was gone then leaving him for the manservant and taking his kid with her. I didn’t say much about the wife on my own, but he asked me what I’d have done if I were in his shoes. I actually thought about laughing it off, or maybe making fun of the manservant thing, but I got to thinking about that. What would I have done if Ana’d left me and taken Eiliha? Answer came to me pretty quick, simple, and I answered the guy truthfully; She never would have made it to the front door if it’d been my kid. Fuck no. Fuck that.

He doesn’t seem like he knows what he’s gonna do about her. I dunno why, but I offered him my help if he does finally decide to do something about her. I don’t think I really like the guy, but my offer will stand. I have a pretty good idea of what it’d do to me if it was Eilie. Can’t imagine letting someone else go through it if I can help.

I think he’s got a thing for Ari. I think she’s got a thing for him, too, but she’s kinda harder to gauge than he is. Funny, because you’d think that as long as I’ve known her she’d be the easier one. Guess not. I picked on her about it a bit and it pissed her off pretty bad. I guess I won’t be doing that anymore. Or so I say. I’ll try not to do it anymore.

After Kor and the quiet guy left, I asked Ari what it is she’s been doing. Between Eiliha and shit with Ana, I don’t think that I’ve really seen my own feet move across the floor. She never did answer me now that I think about it, but she did ask me where Pamina’s been and what she’s been doing. That answer was a harder one to give. Where she’s at during the day’s pretty easy: Helping Syranis with the combat stuff her ex-husband never got around to helping her out with. At night though? Out with Analeil, drunk off whatever and higher than a kite off of Light only knows what. Syranis is the one who told me, only after bringing a completely passed out Pamina to the door one night. I don’t think I can handle that shit. That’s part of what made Ana and I split in the first place. Now she’s dragging my cousin down that road, the only chick I consider to be a sister in my family (should you read this, sorry Raz. You’ll get over it some day)? I don’t think I can stop it, but I sure as hell know I can’t watch it happen.

It was about then that Ari suggested moving out of the manor. Yeah, it’s big and spacious and…free, but her reasons for staying there are gone and mine… Mine are still there, but I just don’t think I can handle it. I’d go back to living with my parents before I’d stay neck-deep in Analeil’s thistle shit. Ari suggested an apartment somewhere in the city, together, splitting the costs and all that. I surprised myself when I said yes. Yes? Really? How the hell do I explain that one to Pam? Or to anyone for that matter? What the fuck am I thinking?

Maybe it won’t be so bad. We’re friends, and all. We get on pretty well. It shouldn’t be an issue.

I wish I could say that, as pissed as her as I am, Analeil and I’ve steered clear of each other outside of Eilie. We haven’t. Shit’s the same as it always is between us, and Ari even made a few quips about it earlier in front of Kor. Something about ghosts and moaning and..yeah. Bunch a euphemisms that probably shouldn’t have been used in front of strangers, but I went with it. I still don’t know why I can’t just let her go. She’s not good for me, I’m not good for her. Maybe that’s exactly it.

Man, I can’t wait to see the look on Analeil’s face when I give her a different address to come see Eilie at…

[riaevis]

[1.]I’ll be the cure for your lonliness, I’ll make you feel whole again.

Ari’s cute. For a kid. It feels weird writing that. She’s still a kid technically but she’s not. She’s seen more than most of the adults that I know and gone through more than them, probably me included.

She was here for dinner a couple of nights ago. The dinner was meant to be for me and Ana, but she and I got into another fight and she stormed out like usual. Was right as Ari showed up though, so it was convenient and helpful all at once. She seemed to enjoy the food, and Eilie liked her, so I’d say all in all dinner as a success.

After dinner was..kinda strange. I put Eilie to bed and it was late, so I set Ari up in the spare room. She insisted she wasn’t tired yet and went and made drinks instead. She got pretty plastered and hung on me a lot. Took a lot of trying and convincing before I was able to get her to go to bed. I think that’s the first time in a really long time that I’ve been the one putting someone else to bed drunk, instead of the other way around.

Ari’s cute. I just don’t know what to make of her yet. Plus she’s got that pansy-guy following her around…Arinil? We’ll see.

I’m pretty sure that I’m through with this whole Analeil thing. I’ve said it before, I know, but I’m not really sure just how much of the bullshit I really can take from her. It feels like enough already. It’s just hard to let go of someone’s who’s been in your life since you were pretty much in diapers, ya know?

Of course you don’t know. You’re a journal. I shouldn’t have asked.

I think the hardest part of giving up on her is Eiliha. It doesn’t matter where Ana and I stand, she’s there. Ana is always gonna be in my life because of Eilie and vice-versa. I guess I can’t give up on, not really. I can kill this monster we consider a relationship, though. I think.

[riaevis]

Love is Complicated

“These flowers’re ridiculous.”

“Quit complaining! Gosh, can’t you just enjoy something simple for once?”

“I enjoy a lot of stuff. These flowers’re ridiculous.”

Analeil threw up her hands in defeat before she scooted away from him and toward the opposite side of the bench, but it was too late. Riaevis had started his rant and he was showing no signs of stopping anytime soon.

“I mean, look at ‘em. They’re all bright n’ big n’ outta place. I mean yeah, we’re in a forest n’ all, but where the hell do you see flowers that look anything like these in Eversong?”

“Light…” Analeil groaned, placing her head into both of her hands.

“What’re they tryin’ to do? Attract tourists? ‘Hey, we’re Silvermoon. Come visit us ‘cause our flowers don’t make any sense’.”

“Ri, SHUT UP!” She shouted at him, only to return her head to her hands seconds later. Riaevis fell silent as he watched her, though it wasn’t long before a frown crept over his features.

“’The hell’d you bring me out here for, anyway? Y’said you were done with me weeks ago n’ I haven’t heard from ya since. N’ ya know I hate the flowers.” Analeil fidgeted in her seat long enough to draw concern from what was supposed to be a thoroughly annoyed Riaevis. He waited as long as he could, letting her stew in her silence before he addressed her again.

“Ana?”

“I’m pregnant.” She blurted out rather quickly. She looked shocked, as if she could not believe the words that had come out of her own mouth. She looked to Riaevis then to gauge his reaction. Riaevis didn’t jump up and down, or run away, or faint. He didn’t do any of the things that Analeil had expected him to. No. Instead, he did exactly the opposite of what she had expected.

“’One’a your new bar buddies, I take it? ‘The hell do I care, Ana? I don’t hang out with your crowd. Let them shower ya in congrats. That’s their job now.” The word crowd was emphasized, like it meant something dirtier than it really did. His entire tone was venom-laced, the gaze he set upon her like daggers. No, this was most certainly not the reaction she had expected, nor wanted in the least.

“Riaevis,” She frowned, speaking quietly. “It’s yours.”

Riaevis sat. Riaevis stared. Riaevis didn’t know what to say or do, or even that his name was Riaevis. What? Analeil was pregnant? And it was his? Surely not. If it was his, that meant that the images he had painted of her and the stories he had told himself of her sleazy ways after she had thrown him aside for the umpteenth time were completely untrue. He wasn’t sure he could handle that. He was almost certain that the shattering of such images was almost more of a negative impact on him than the prospect of him being a father in the near future.

He rubbed at his chin idly in thought before he looked back up to her. She looked scared, more so than he had ever seen her look before. Analeil was fairly decent at hiding her fear, even though he could usually see through the façade. Not this time, though. She wasn’t even trying. She almost looked like she was going to cry.

“So what’re we gonna do?”

“Me? What am I going to do? No, it’s us, Ri. WE. I didn’t do this myse-…oh. You said ‘we‘.” She fidgeted in her seat, glancing down at her hands.

“Of course I said ’we’.” He frowned at her and extended an arm toward the elf. Where he had anticipated her recoiling, she did not. She scooted into his embrace and wrapped an arm around his midsection to hold herself closer. It was only then that he noticed, and felt, the tension singing down her limbs. “You’ve known me since we were kids, Ana. M’not gonna just walk away like that. Relax.”

Just like that, he felt that tension bleed away from her body. Both of her eyes fluttered closed and there they sat in silence for a spell, wrapped around one another as they allowed the news to finally, finally sink in. It was Analeil who spoke first, quietly.

“I don’t know what we’re going to do.”

“We’ll figure it out.” Riaevis spoke, fingertips stroking through her hair in comfort. “ We’ve got time.”

Years had passed since their daughter, Eiliha, had been born. The two of them were more off again than on, though they saw more of one another than either of them had ever desired. Analeil had kicked him out of their home eventually, after a particularly heated argument between the two of them. Despite such, she had still expected him to carry most of the responsibility where their child was concerned. He sought refuge at his cousin, Pamina’s, manor and took care of Eiliha happily, forsaking most of his previously life. Analeil, not so much. Her presence was scarce, and when she was around she was usually inciting some sort of riot in their lives.

No matter. The times she was not around were pleasant, and this was certainly one of them. Riaevis sat at a table in the Silvermoon City inn, friends surrounding him, playing cards and drink on the table, and a blonde in his lap. The evening had been filled with pleasant conversation, a good game, and plenty of alcohol. It didn’t feel like anything could ruin the evening. Except Analeil, of course.

“Here comes trouble…” Whispered the elf perched in his lap. When he frowned in confusion, she nodded toward the door. Like a nightmare in elven form, Analeil pushed the curtains aside and stepped inside the building. It wasn’t long before her gaze landed on Riaevis, causing him to curse under his breath. The elf in his lap slid to her feet, but not before bestowing a parting kiss upon his cheek. “I’ll be back later.”

“You.”  Analeil’s tone was low, her eyes narrowed. With a sigh, Riaevis offered a nod to the rest of the patrons at the table. They all got up and shifted away to another place in the inn without a word. They understood, they were used to it. Blow-outs between this former couple were not foreign to anyone in the inn, nor were they few or far between.

“Ana,” He greeted her as he folded his arms across the top of the table. “What brings ya to this fine establishment?”

“It’s your night with Eiliha, and you’re here with all of this trash again? Really Riaevis, how many women will it be tonight? Three? Four?”

“If I’m lucky.” He replied nonchalantly, but he watched Analeil’s cheeks flush in anger at the mere notion. “Hell, I could roll for five if I wanted to push my luck.” Riaevis continued, cutting Analeil off before she could retort. “So what, you wanna give up on your parental duties for yet another night? Cool.”

“…She’s with Melidias right now, thanks for asking. Are you implying that I don’t spend enough time with my daughter?” Analeil asked him through grit teeth, approaching the end of the table.

“Implication’s got nothing’ to do with it, Red. I’m flat out sayin’ it.” He finished off his drink before pushing his chair back and rising to his feet. He should have know though, that he wouldn’t have gotten away with such a statement so easily. Analeil saw red as she launched herself at Riaevis, poking at his chest and getting in his face as much as their height difference would allow.

“Excuse you?!” She shouted at him, clearly perturbed by his accusation. “Howdare you say anything like that to me. I’m not like you, floating from bar to bar with your…your…your whores!”

“Nah. Just spend your time workin’ for anyone in the Row who’ll toss ya a couple copper. Kill anyone lately, Ana?” He chuckled, not in the least phased by her shouting or her attempts to get into his face. “It’s cool, though. Eilie needs stability in ‘her life anyway, and she damn sure ain’t gonna get it bein’ around you.”

“How dare you!” Her voice grew louder, but Riaevis simply brushed past her. That didn’t stop Analeil’s attempts to halt him. She punched at both of his shoulders and tried to tug him back to her, but she was simply not strong enough to stop the large elf. He moved like fluid through the crowd and out the door, heading for the manor.

Ana was hot on his trail the entire way, shouting and screaming at him and beating any inch of skin she could manage with her fists. He let it go on, and only occasionally swatted her away certain it was quite a sight for anyone who might still be lingering on the streets in the Row at these hours. It wasn’t until they were inside the manor, the door closed tight behind them before he said or did anything about her relentless beating. Riaevis whirled around on his heels to face her, quickly taking hold of both of her wrists. He pinned both of her arms above her head as he used his own body weight to slam her back against the surface of their door. Through grit teeth he would command her, his tone low.

“Stop. Fucking. Hitting. Me.”

He had anticipated an outburst of some sort, or perhaps for her to try and break free of his grasp and strangle him. What he had anticipated wasn’t what he got at all. The burning emerald glow from her eyes disappeared under closed lids when her back made contact with the hard surface of the door, a small gasp escaping past her lips. Her hands flexed closed into fists, but she made no effort to fight against him restraining her at all.

Riaevis frowned, but the questions on his mind were quickly answered when she met his gaze. Her eyes were no longer filled with rage, but rather naught but need, desire. He felt his own anger drain away at the sight of her wither beneath his hold. Instinctively, his free hand sought out her side, taking hold of it. “Ana…”

“Here. Please.”

Here had been anywhere from the door, to the walls, to the countertop, before finally finding Riaevis’ bed. When dawn finally outstretched its fingers and brought light to the horizon, the two collapsed from exhaustion in the sheets. Or, Riaevis did. Analeil did not lay idle long before she rolled over on top of him.

“I love you.” He murmured sleepily to her.

“No you don’t.” Through a fog he watched her lean in and kiss him, only to draw out of his bed just before he succumbed to the darkest pasts of unconsciousness.

She drugged him. The bitch had drugged him. Again.

He wasn’t sure why he had fallen for her tricks for the umpteenth time. He should have known better, especially after the amount of times she had screwed him over. Especially by now. Maybe he was biased because of how long he had known her. Maybe he was biased because of Eiliha. Hell, that wasn’t it. He knew that wasn’t it as true as he knew that the scratches all down his back ached. Love was a funny thing.

So there he sat on the bench, recalling the previous night’s events the best that he could, and staring at the flowers that for years he had considered absolutely ridiculous. They hadn’t been any help years ago and they certainly weren’t any help now.

He would have liked to say that he could easily give whatever it was that the two of them had, if it could be anything at all. It didn’t seem likely, though. How many years had they been doing this dance?

No, no. The flowers were pretty ridiculous.

[arcane-fire]

[9.]You made a deal and now you have to offer up. But will it ever be enough?