#eldurogiis

[kongerigetdanmark]

3 for the letter thing whoops

I found the hair pin.

Under the bed in your old room, the one you used to stay at until... well until you were gone. 

I miss you.

I fucking miss you. So much.

And I keep wondering if you’re okay with everything, if you’re truly fine. I wonder if this was all a dream and now I’m back into reality and miss something I never had.

Isn’t this sick? I don’t want you here under the same circumstances, but I want you by my side again.

I was an idiot for ever letting you go, for acting like I was fine with you moving away from me. I don’t want to think about it, but I do and--

did you truly want to leave me? Is that it? 

Are you as miserable as I am? With to much time on your hands nd no ones to hold? I wake up at night and search for you.

You’re not here. I miss you.

unsend, 5th of June 1959

kept under the pillow of Egills bed

[liachtaschta]

@eldurogiis liked this for a starter -- !!

Might there be a public greenhouse nearby Iceland? I do think this rain is starting to get to me and I’d much prefer it if we found ourselves out of it --

[kongerigetdanmark]

Filtered sunlight falls into the spacious room, the curtains only half drawn shut. Forgetfulness the cause, which triggered the Dane’s sleepy mind to awake slowly, drowsily. It isn’t his room, he realises that the second his awareness is coming back to him, but that doesn’t concern him much as he looks to his side lovingly. He lies there, curled against him in gentle slumber, making him feel without acting. It’s wondrous, it makes him feel a kind of bliss he has long since forgotten. Tucked away in the deepest part of his subconscious, never to be felt because it made him yearn for too long. If he had been born human, he would have died of it. He’s sure. A soft snore, a nuzzle and all of these tightly laced emotions inside of his constricted chest just run wild, run free. Free to do as they wish because he’s allowed to have them. Mads never thought he needed validation. Not until Egill gave it to him so willingly. And he still can’t believe what happened the evening before, can’t believe they were still... still with each other. 

It makes him incredibly happy, delirious, in this state of mind, drunk on bliss, he kisses the sleeping Icelander. Softly, tenderly. Just fleeting kisses to his cheeks, forehead, lips. Arms around him, not to cage but to protect.

“Jeg elsker dig.” I love you. It can be so simple.

[carolinus-rex]

eldurogiis replied to your post: @nordvei @eldurogiis “ I can’t believe you’ve...

“Please stop. Not you, too, Sve…”

“ I mean it’s a total 180°, it’s normal to be concerned. But as long as you’re safe, you keep doing you. Wine aunt approves. ”

[kongerigetdanmark]

"Kiss me."

Some years ago, he’d have done so without hesitation, with pleasure even. And more.

It’s this old connection which hurts him, he’d always want to please Norway, with anything he can give.

Yet that’s the problem, he can’t anymore.

He would not please him to betray another.

“I can’t.”

[kongerigetdanmark]

"Can we go back to how we used to be?"

A moment of silence, shocked and disbelieving. He could say no, should say no, and perhaps he even would, but he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want Egill to believe he’s not wanted.

That would be a lie and he swore he’s never lying to him again. Now he loves him, truly.

“Can’t we be us now?”

[kongerigetdanmark]

there are so many things he wishes to ask, so many things he wishes to say to the other male, but he cannot even face him. without a word, he falls a step back and allows his head to fall on a broad back. the small of his hand lies on top of his back - the scars hidden a familiar scape; all he recalls from a distant memory. he cannot say, cannot speak. but he thinks this: I'm here.

That’s all he ever be. A distant memory, someone familiar enough to fall back to. Someone once loved and never truly forgotten, but cast aside. 

It’s maddening, not enough.

But all he gets. And it’s more than he might ever deserve.

He’s here; too.

This silence is killing him.

[kongerigetdanmark]

No precedence at all, no words. The back of a gloved hand brushes against the other man's. A side glance, a minute connection before he looks away. The back of the hand lingers against his.

He should feel loved, he should, he knows this. He loves Egill, that’s something he knows as well. And he does. With all of him. There’s nothing he would change, couldn’t anyway.

But he doesn’t feel loved.

And he has no words to describe it without hurting him in the process.