“You can’t tell anyone about this, okay? It could ruin my whole reputation.”
Julian’s eyes are hardly OPEN, heavy lids threatening to completely cut dies with consciousness and close at any moment. The world can’t even be described as fuzzy, it’s just a warm velvet that invites him in, sinking him deeper and twisting his REALITY. He can’t recall what he’s taken, but with how fast he’s been burning lately it won’t be long before he’s dead; another round of Hollywood Grim Reaper. His head tilts, eyes squinting and trying to pull focus from the man in front of him. What was his name again?
Chin falling to his chest — head too heavy to hold, he realizes for the first time that he’s half naked, jeans hanging open with his fly unzipped. Julian’s eyes refocus slightly, surprised at the discovery only to see ghost’s of his evening in dusty cocaine trails. There’s a bottle of something spilled — he can see it dripping and he can hear the crunching of glass somehow, but he’s planted firmly into the couch that feels like it’s sew into his skin.
Julian knows cocaine, and this nonsense that’s transpiring in front of him is not something he’s familiar with, yet he still can’t remember how the night even started, nor where he was. The problem was it hadn’t even been two months since he’d opened his eyes to what REALITY could REALLY be. Needless to say it was easy to keep pounding it back and piling it on when you don’t know your tolerance. You get a little impatient, take a little more, do it a few times and suddenly it hits you FAST.
Had they fucked? Were they just hanging out? Was he using? Julian blinks again, trying to recognize who is in front of him and scrambling to undo whatever they did. They were at a party right? Or was he at Coachella? Maybe a party after the day? There had been music — his skin was hot too touch, no doubt the sun having spent the day cooking him, mixed with the drugs that were currently throwing his system for a loop. Then again, hadn’t he just been out for drinks?
Wow, he’d gotten way too FUCKED. “Wait,” He mumbles, realizing for the first time that his mouth has never felt more dry, “What happened? Where are—” The words are a drugged out mess, he doesn’t even sound like him, “You leaving?” Julian couldn’t pull himself from the couch, but he was losing the fight with consciousness and it didn’t feel right. Actually if anything, it felt like reality was twisting before his very eyes, blurring and unblurring until nothingness started to consume him.
‘You can’t tell anyone about this, okay?’
Hadn’t he already said that, or had he simply been saying it the entire time? It didn’t feel like more than a second had passed, but that single second was currently lasting for ten fucking years. Why was there that annoying buzz? Was someone’s cellphone on vibrate viciously shaking on a loose hardwood panel? Then of course the beeping that intensified — the blinding white, the sharp knife pulling from his throat, or what felt like the prodding of rot rods through his wrists, deep into his arms, shooting up his spine.
‘It could ruin my whole reputation.
Could ruin my whole reputation.
Ruin my whole reputation.
Why did the guy seem so freaked? Wasn’t he a drummer? Weren’t they supposed to be cool? Or was that the other guy? What were they doing that had been so wrong? There’s an annoying sensation that digs deep down his throat, suffocating his narrow naval cavity — suffocating everything making breathing both harder and easier at the same time. It feels like his chest has been struck with a bolt of lighting when he jolts — and jolts again — and once more. Then it’s a stillness, a darkness, another searing pain, distance voices — blinding nothingness, then once again with the suffocating breathing.
Blurry eyes crack open feeling like he’s been stuck in cement for weeks— what plays out in the span of seconds feels like hours. Adrian’s there — then nurses — sound doesn’t slowly fades in and his eyes gradually adjust. It takes him two months to overdo it, pushing his luck just a little too far and finally — he overdoses.