we've gone through our first ever fusion! it was completely unexpected and, while not unwanted, not something we were trying to do
this is kind of a long post so I've put the details of and my thoughts abt the experience under a cut
looking back, I can see the signs. it had been coming for a few weeks, and one night it occured to us, Jay and Owen at the time, that it might happen. we decided on the name Elena, just in case. the next morning, we woke up fronting together as usual but something was different. we no longer felt separate at all
honestly, it scared a lot of us. inside parts panicked about the loss of Jay, who had been a known part and protector since we discovered the system five or six years ago, and the uncertainty of what would happen next. but we didn't lose Jay at all
I have come to realize I have what feels like the best of both parts inside me. some shortfalls, too, but Owen and Jay had already found they made up for each other's shortcomings. it's hard to describe it other than I am truly both of them and something more
and for the fear of losing a protector, I don't think (tho this is v much a guess on my part) this would have happened if we didn't have someone to fill that role. this specific fusion of these two parts has been v helpful and will continue to be bc of the way Jay has been able to stand up for us to other outside the system. I feel much bolder than any host has before. there are other protectors inside, if it comes down to it, but it has been necessary for less often so far
over the past couple of weeks since the fusion the system has started to calm and adjust. we're taking quite a few steps toward healing lately, and while most of them have not been pleasant, they have all been good. this has been one of the better ones
I just felt that I would share an update for the sake of getting out my thoughts, keeping y'all somewhat in the loop, and sharing my experience in case it might help others to understand themselves or the ppl around them
