#elfpires

[elfyourmother]

it’s a good thing in bishodandyverse that the worgen/forsaken war lasted all of 5 minutes bc all Sylv had to do was deploy Valanar to infiltrate Gilneas and that would have been lights out swearwolves

(I still think some of the coolest Machiavellian shit in wow was how val systematically dismantled the alliance forces in borean tundra just by exploiting the existing tensions there bc humans are fuckin racist. he didn’t even especially have to try very hard)

[dandelionofthanatos]

also i will forever adore how kind valanar and keleseth are to newbie DKs.

they’re all “hail and well met, my dude :D” when they meet you, and they genuinely mean it! they like youi! when you do cool stuff under val’s command he’s all joyful like “omg omg the king is gonna be so freaking happy you have no idea I AM SO TELLING HIM HOW RAD YOU ARE THXBAI BRB”; kel entrusts you with his very favourite Terrifying Sharp Things and he’s got the crypt he’s hanging out in set up to be comforting and homelike...

my braincanon sees taldaram as being present too (because i love him and his pyromaniacal dramatics) and he’d also be just really friendly and kind as a questgiver in such a case. (he’d probably be the one who gives you the necklace--like “taldaram’s ruby amulet” or something).

fadsjklhsjkldfdgd i dunno i have a LOT OF FEELINGZ about the elfpire hootenanny and the Death Knights and keleseth was probably a right pain in the backside for darion mograine because you know he would not ever stop writing letters to pester darion and he’d just leave them places for the DKs to find.

so darion gets this missive and it’s like

“dear highlord, 

have you even rested once these past three days. seriously. have you rested, like, at all. also, eat something. also, stop obliquely trying to pwn yourself in a roundabout way, it pisses me off. i know you hate me in the face and that’s fine but stop trying to pwn yourself or i’m biting you. 

love, 

k. 

p.s. fucking eat something or fordring will start bugging you and i know that annoys you more than me.”

[dandelionofthanatos]

the blood princes’ armour amuses me a lot

like

i doubt arthas was prepared AT ALL for them to show up rocking armour as GOTH COUTURESPLOSION as that, the first time they did so.

he probably knew their armour would be pretty wild, he’s been to dalaran, he KNOWS elves have this haute couture streak (and he doesn’t look down on it, he thinks it’s pretty kickass) and so he knows on some level that these elfpires are gonna look all “RUNWAY IN SILVERMOON GOES GOTHIQUE” somehow

and then the princes all show up looking like gaultier meets mcqueen meets a goth club and not one of them has a shirt on

and lana’thel looks like eiko ishioka dressed her at a judas priest concert

and arthas is just staring at them going “how am i supposed to focus” and even ner’zhul is impressed.

and the elfpires are just

:3c

[dandelionofthanatos]

I keep wondering how Prince Valanar felt about being "Talbot" in Borean Tundra. I mean, he probably found it hilarious on some level, but still... What was he thinking when it turned out to be super easy to sneak Scourge fan poodles in under the radar, because everyone was busy being a crapface to the Acherus knights? What did he think about the humans needing basically NO encouragement or suggestions at all in the whole "not trusting the Draenei" field? How'd he feel when he saw "undesirable" folks like Thassarian and [your contrary PC] so easily sent off to get killed? And how amazing and exasperating and kickass must it have been when Thassarian's little sister caught onto his malarkey and started to get up his nose?? XDDDD I just really adore Valanar lololol

[dandelionofthanatos]

also

ishan, in one of his rare leeroy moments, actually snuck into ahn'kahet and attempted to gank taldaram, only to find that

(a) arthas gave him the idea to leeroy anyway and

(b) tal was hungry, which

(c) "oh, shit."

ishan did not get killificated (because he worked for tal when he was a scourge op, and tal likes him because ishan's a damn good craftsperson and also those terribad puns are EXCELLENT) but he did get nom'd on and sent back to deliver a post-hypnotic warning to agmar's hammer and stars' rest.

he did this! though he made an effort to disobey the programming and actually fought back hard enough that he faceplanted onto koltira after.

this led to tal getting demised in the face. ishan's girlfriend leilandra set tal on fire a few times for being such an ass.

[dandelionofthanatos]

elfpires, elfpires, chillin' on your citadel~

while my aleve kicks in i shall talk more about elfpires

bisho and me have miles of headcanon about these doofuses and all of them are near and dear to me. these are mine:

navarius. scary mad science fiend that he is all over zul'drak. he is headcanonically the physician for the acherus knights and their associates. he has zero empathy for the living, has nothing but contempt for the respiring...unless they're cult-of-the-damned in which case ffs never mess with them or he'll hurt you because their loyalty is AMAZING and they're more fragile tl;dr obey navarius or get kasplatted. (he defenestrated some insubordinate putz from stratholme out of a necropolis for messing with ishan, once). in a variety of different ways. and oh he was UPSET about the light's hope thing (which went down differently), though he redirected his anger at the paladins. this is why he's such an ungodly shit to the argents in zul'drak. he holds grudges baaaaad.

keleseth. keleseth, loved by the vrykul for what a vicious little shit he is. keleseth, who loves the DKs. keleseth...who fucking exploded into rage and clawed the shit out of everything when he found out that tenris (one of his best friends even before death) had fallen in Karazhan, and who set out to find out exactly which ~adventurers~ killed his friend via carefully placing living agents anywhere likely. he would have hunted the "heroes" down himself if valanar hadn't sat on him to stop him from running off in rage. keleseth is gentle, but don't make him angry.

sandoval. dramatic, gleefully-pyromaniacal sandoval who is like the darling of ymirheim. the reigning champion of valhalas. he's similar to kel in this respect--small, looks harmless, will fuck your shit up. srsly, from his quest appearance it looks like he brawls with vrykul for fun and kicks their butts and they heart him. (and he is...not as ridiculous as his oglaf counterpart by FAR, but he does have a filthy sense of humour). he split his time between doing that, and kicking orbaz bloodbane around ICC a lot to be sure the arrogant git stayed in line.

and last but not least, taldaram. former blood-mage, and the reason why the twihards in ahn'kahet didn't just move on the undead nerubians and zerg the whole place. tasked with tapping into the telluric currents and fucking with the ley-lines to give malygos shit (this is bisho's idea and i think it's fucking amazing), which is what he's doing when you find him and interrupt him and he noms on you. he was also in a prime position to mess with agmar's hammer and stars' rest, and a whole lotta blue and red team wannabe-heroes found themselves ganked by nerubians and brought to ahn'kahet, where tal was waiting for snacky-snacky. and...well...what happened to the taunka settlement near azjol-nerub goes without saying. (also, in my mind's eye, he is a ginger.)

[dandelionofthanatos]

'murdercide' is my favourite portmanteau now

great now keleseth pwning people has become a total mental meme

tenris too with his arcanite ripper and adorable bat

just sic them on broskies and watch the mayhem ensue

"these louts think punishing lady proudmoore for existing is a good idea." "and blaming her for arthas and kael'thas too? how rude." *MURDERCIDE*

"oh look they're treating orcs as a hive mind again." "a hive mind with only one violent braincell." *MURDERCIDE*

"why are these oafs describing kael'thas and illidan with endless bigoted remarks?" "because they want to die." *MURDERCIDE*

"really now, i don't like the warden much? but they're being disgusting about her." "i have a solution to this issue!" *MURDERCIDE*

fluffy elfpire execution 4 u

[dandelionofthanatos]

another thing about Keleseth

Remember that this is the elfpire who, in your DK starting quests, expresses his appreciation for you and his trust in you by giving you a pretty box containing his very favourite sharp pointy enchanted-with-a-nasty-fire-DoT stabby implements. which he lends to you because he thinks you are just the bees' knees.

Oh and Valanar like squees over your badassity, and promises that he'll tell Arthas that he couldn't have got so much mayhem perpetrated without you-the-DK specifically.