#elianaxryan

[serpentlopez]

Closed Starter || @firefightingryan​

I think when I grow up, I want to be a psychiatrist. I swear, all my doctor does in my therapy sessions is make me do all the talking. Which I guess is to be expected but damn. I would have liked if I could have walked in and he just fixed all my problems. Why can’t therapy work like that?

[serpentlopez]

Sometimes We Lose

Who: Eliana, Ale @serpenthart, Ryan @firefightingryan (w. brief mentions of @serpentchar @firefighterxnoah @derek-ghoulie and implied appearance of @rileshuds at the end)

What: Eliana finally does too much and overdoses

When: Nov 8, Close to Midnight

Where: Start at Ale’s, end at Riverdale General.

Notes: TW: overdose, blood, life-saving measures. We researched a lot to get this right and did the best we could so just love us, okay?

ELIANA

It had been almost two weeks since the night of the party and after the talks she had, she was starting to feel a little more like herself. All she wanted to do was get out of the house, shed the skin of sadness like the Serpent she was, and lose herself in the night. She hadn't started with the expectation of getting high. At least not on the designer stuff she was slowly running out of. But after dancing and shots that hadn't completely helped her disappear in the thrumming beat of the music, she found herself in the bathroom. There wasn't as much left in her vial as she expected so she tapped it out and inhaled before getting back to the party. Hours passed in seconds. The more she danced and drank, the more she snorted, until she found that soaring high that she needed. Still dancing to the music she'd left at the club, Eliana stopped her bike in front of Ale's place. Staring at the bike for a minute, she tried to remember when she'd even gotten on it, or when she'd driven here. Oh well, she was here now. 

Climbing off, the bike fell on its side and she went with it, laughing as she skinned her palms on the cement. Eli pushed herself to her feet and stumbled to the front door, banging her hand on the door. "Ale..." she called, voice louder than she thought it was. "I'll huff and I'll puff, and I'll..." she hiccuped and almost lost her balance, laughing as she steadied herself against the door frame. "It's meeeee..."

ALE

Ale had a busy end of the week, or more like a whole busy week. With the re-opening of the shop business saw a bit of an surprise on the first days they had been open, so when the weekend finally arrived he had a bunch of house related things to do during those two days. In a way, he was happy for being as busy as he had, since it was the perfect excuse for him not to think of what Derek had done to Eliana, or the several ways in which his enraged brain had thought to make him pay. But like he had promised Eli, it was a thing the whole Serpents had to deal with together, as a family. 

 He was laying in bed after taking a hot, long shower, checking on the messages and mails on his phone, thinking of maybe making it an early night so he could start early the next morning, when he heard the banging noise outside, then the knocking on his door. "Eli?" he called out as he walked to the door and opened it, and the initial happiness of knowing she had came to see him, it all faded away when he saw the obvious condition she was in. "Hey bella... Been celebrating a bit too much tonight?"

ELIANA

Eliana had spent far too much time feeling afraid, feeling sorry for herself, and damn, it felt good for her to be free. Between the booze and the cocaine, and maybe a few pills she'd gotten from one of the women she was dancing with, she no longer felt those terrible things. When she closed her eyes, she didn't see Derek above her. She didn't feel his hands on her throat. It was amazing and she wanted to celebrate. The only person she wanted to celebrate with opened the door. She let out a squeal and threw her arms around his neck. "Ale! You're here!" 

Giggling at his question, Eli nodded and then leaned back, stumbling backwards into the door. "Maybe just a little. I wanted to see you!" Swaying on her feet, she pointed back at her bike that was haphazardly discarded on it's side. "I... left that there." Tugging her jacket off, the brunette fell into him, letting them stumble into his living room, leaving her leather at the front door. "I missed you!"

ALE

Ale barely had time to catch her in his arms, and even if her intoxication was obvious, it was actually nice to see her that way, which was a sad thought all in itself. "Don't worry about that" he said a about the bike and kicked the door close. Putting an arm around her after her jacket was discarded, he moved her to where the couch was. "Missed you too. How about we sit over here, huh?"

ELIANA

This was definitely what she needed. Eli had thought that dancing was what she needed, and drinking, and the drugs but that wasn't what she needed. She needed to be here with Ale. "I love sitting over here," she rambled. "It's my favorite place to sit. You know, I went out dancing tonight, Ale. You should have been there. I was actually dancing!" She felt so hyped up in that moment that once they sat, Eli situated herself on his lap, straddling him so she could wrap her arms around his neck. "I think you're my favorite person. And Charlie, I think Charlie is too. And you." A thought struck her and she squealed, "You know what we should do? We should go somewhere! We should drive somewhere like.. the beach! We should go to the beach and swim with the dolphins and see the whales. Doesn't that sound like so much fun?"

ALE

Ale chuckled as he sat her down first and sat beside her. "Sorry babe, but I closed the shop late tonight. Otherwise maybe I would've joined you" he said, then placed his hands on her thighs once she was sitting on his lap. "I'm glad, bella. You're definitely my favorite person in the world. And I'm sure Charlie likes you a lot too." He raised a brow when he heard her squealing, definitely being much more accelerated than usual. Looked like she had been having enough cocaine to run a marathon and back. "Who knows? Maybe next summer we'll get to do that. I'm sure we'd be having lots of fun." He shifted a bit underneath her. "Hey, how about if we... I don't know, take a shower to calm you down a bit, babe?"

ELIANA

His words brought a wave of excitement through her and she hugged him close. "I am? Oh, that makes me so happy! I usually don't think anyone likes me unless they're trying to fuck me but you already have.. and I totally think Charlie likes me a lot too. She's my sister, you know? Like not my actual sister-sister, I don't talk to her, but my real sister, you know? Like part of me sister. I just adore her so much, and I adore you." Things kept coming so easily and it was the excitement that made her heart feel like it was pounding a million miles a second. Probably the excitement. Maybe the drugs. "Next summer? No, we should go now." 

Stumbling off of his lap, Eli hit the ground with a laugh and then pushed herself back up. "I'm okay! My bike.. it's right outside, we could go now if we wanted. Ooh, or we could go dancing again! I'm good at dancing and you're really good at dancing." Then it occurred to her that he'd mentioned a shower before she got up and a playful grin spread across her face. "I don't want to calm down but I do like getting you in the shower.. or in the hallway, in the kitchen, over the table.. in bed.." She giggled, "I like you everywhere. Yes! We should take a shower." Pointing at him, Eli started to pull at her shirt, "You go start the shower and I'll get undressed and then we can shower."

ALE

Ale didn't mind holding her back when she did, and he smiled at her kind, drunken words.  "We'll get there, I promise" he said as she was standing up, then gasped when she fell down. "Yeah, I know you do.   But tonight we're taking a shower and getting in bed so you can sleep it off." He chuckled and shook his head as he stood up and walked to the bathroom. "Just try not to fall on your ass again. It's way too pretty to get that much hurt." He laughed softly and entered the bathroom, soon starting the water and getting a fresh towel for her.

ELIANA

Bed sounded boring but the shower was promising. Eli had every intention of getting undressed in the stream of hot water and spending the night with her legs around his waist. She sloppily tugged her shirt off and let it drop on the ground, much like she had with her jacket. Her heart was hammering in her chest and as she set her palm against the rapid beating, she felt something dangling from her necklace. Lifting it, she gasped. How had she forgotten she brought a little extra to the club? That cocaine that was laced with God knows what but made it taste so good. She remembered the night she'd gotten it and how it made sex even better than she could have imagined. That's what she wanted. 

Stumbling across the room to the table, Eli unscrewed the cap and tapped out the remaining powder in a thick but short line. Just a little extra bump to make things even better, she thought. Her fingers were shaking enough that she had to rub them against her thighs before she could lean over the table and take a quick inhale, making the drug disappear in one breath. Pinching the bridge of her nose, Eli stumbled backwards and hit the wall, feeling the room move slowly underneath her and around her. Like a fun house. It twisted and she almost fell but managed to stay on her feet as her hands caught the coffee table to keep her standing.

Something was dripping beneath her -- was the roof leaking? -- so as she started to tremble, Eli looked a little closer. It was blood. She looked at the ceiling and then back. Where was it coming from? Then she noticed the blood on her fingers, on the ones she'd used to pinch her nose closed to let the drug sink into the thin flesh of her nostril. The spot above her lip tickled like something was crawling on it and Eli swiped at it, coming away with bright red blood streaked across her hand. The room jerked once and she tried to step backwards, wavering on her feet. It jerked again and she'd barely had time to realize she was jerking, not the room, before the racing of her heart became an impossible thudding beat in her ears. 

Her hands went up to try and quiet it but it grew louder and louder. A hammer was banging into her chest, and then her eyes rolled back. As the room spun wildly around her, Eli let the darkness swallow her hole as her body collapsed onto the ground.

AL

Ale pulled out every item he felt necessary for the moment, wanting to have all things within reach so he wouldn't have to leave her in the shower alone. Soap, sponge, a little bottle with essences he liked to bathe with when he took a shower himself. Maybe she would like that. "Shower's ready! Are you?" he called out as he shut the water off, but there was no response. "El?" he called her again, not seeing her at first, then he spotted her on the floor. From where he stood he could only assume she had fallen asleep. "Seriously? That's all it took, for me to tell you to take a shower and you pass out?" His tone was playful as he walked up to her, at first just wanting to pick her up and take her to bed. 

Then he saw it. 

The blood dripping from her nose. The foam falling from her mouth. "Eli? Eli!" he shouted frantically as he fell to his knees beside her, his hands holding her face. "Babe, can you hear me?" he asked, noticing she was a bit cold but still breathing. He took her pulse on her neck and almost broke. It was too fast. Carefully, he put her back on the floor, her head leaning back slightly to allow her breathe a bit easier, as he ran to where the table was, where his cellphone was. He came back to her quickly and in a flash second he spotted the remains of the white powder on his coffee table. "Fuck" he muttered, the typed the three numbers quickly. 

"9-1-1. What's your emergency?" the male voice said on the other day of the line. "I have someone who's passed out in my house. I-" He swallowed. "I think she ODed on cocaine. She's breathing but her pulse is too fast! Please, send someone!" His voice almost broke at that point, but he had to pull himself together to give the operator his address. When he was done he put the phone down and held her hand. "Hang on, baby. They're coming."

RYAN

It’d been pretty regular for a Friday so far, especially a Friday where Ryan was on Aid Car. It was steady, but nothing like the crazy nights he’d had back in Seattle, perks of a smaller town. Plus, he was working with Wilson, which was always a plus. The dude was a dad too and they could exchange tips, tricks and stories from their out of work lives. Just as he was sitting down to finally eat something, calls kept interrupting his meals, another Aid Car call rang through. He sighed, shoveled a few bites into his mouth before tossing the keys to his partner. “My turn to run this call,” he laughed, hopping in the passenger side. 

When they arrived at Sunnyside he wasn’t entirely shocked, especially knowing they were going into a possible OD. The folks on this side of town often ended up mixed up in the worst of things. Banging on the door to the trailer he called out, “Riverdale Fire Department, open up!”

ALE

It felt like a century between the moment he made the call to 9-1-1 and the moment when he finally heard the knock on the door, and all the while he would check her pulse and breathing the whole time, just making sure she was there. The only thing he could think was to put a cloth damped in cold water on the back of her neck to try and force her pulse down. He practically leaped to the door to answer, and he swung the door open and looked at the man standing there. "Over here!" he  said, showing him in and leading to where she was laying on the floor. "I think it was cocaine. I mean... I- I'm pretty sure it was. She came here, said she had been out all night-" He ran his fingers through his hair, his own heart hammering against his ribs.

RYAN

Ryan didn’t know what he expected to see when the door opened, but it definitely hadn’t been Alejandro. As unpredictable as this job could be, you never wanted to see people you were familiar with so when he followed the other man over to where a woman was laying on the floor and he discovered it was Eliana, he could feel his gut twist, all of a sudden incredibly grateful Puckerman wasn’t on this call with him. “How long has she been down?” Ryan asked, placing himself near her head and pulling his stethoscope from his medical bag to assess her. 

Before he even finished his question, Eliana began to convulse. Without a second thought, he rolled her on her side and supported her head, making sure she wouldn’t choke if she were to vomit. Luckily, the seizing only lasted for about thirty seconds and once they were in the clear, he laid her back down and he and Wilson began to take her vitals. Her heart rate seemed to be coming down and her eyes began to flutter. “Welcome back, hotshot,” he said with a small smile. “Try not to move, okay? We’re going to take you to the hospital in a second.”

ELIANA

Everything was too loud and too heavy, and God, too bright. There was a weird ringing in her ears and voices.. voices that sounded like she was listening through water. Muffled. Confusing. There were people around her, reaching and touching, saying things she didn't understand, spouting numbers. She moved her hand, trying to knock something away from her chest but there was an ache with the fear of people around her and she missed it, she missed the heavy pull of the darkness underneath her. Why did everything feel so heavy? 

Three men around her. Three.. Who? What happened? The room was rolling, spinning around her in endless loops so she couldn't focus. Not on the room, not on what she was wearing - or not wearing. Everything felt disjointed and when she tried to move, wanting to sit up, someone's hand on her shoulder eased her back down. Too much was going on. Too much she didn't understand. But through all of the spinning and dizziness, somehow she found him. "Ale?" Her eyes landed on him and she tried not to move, feeling like something was trying to wrap around her and pull her through the floor.

ALE

"About ten minutes or so..." he said as a response to Ryan's question, and he wriggled his hands nervously as he had to step back to let them (when had that other paramedic got there) work on Eliana. But the moment he saw convulsing like that he fell on his knees beside her, and grabbed onto her hand. "Oh my god, Eli? Eli!" he shouted at her, while they worked on making her stable again. Luckily the seizure was over soon, and she opened her eyes and looked around, then looked at him. "Yeah baby, it's me. It's gonna be okay. Just stay with me, okay?"

RYAN

Ryan wasn’t going to be able to work if Alejandro was going to freak out, as loved ones usually do, at each vital moment. “Alejandro, I need you to stay calm for her, okay?” Ryan calmly instructed before putting all of his attention back on Eliana. After checking her out she seemed to be somewhat stable, a little out of it, but stable enough to move. With Wilson’s help they got her loaded in the rig, ready to make way to Riverdale general. He hopped in and looked over at Alejandro. “You’re free time ride along, man, but I need you to let me do my job if something happens,” he warned, knowing exactly how sideways this could go. “Or you can meet us there, that’s up to you.”

ELIANA

Eli didn't know what was going on but she knew that Ale was right there, and she was starting to realize that the man working on her was Ryan. But the only thing in that moment that kept her head above water was feeling the warmth of Ale's hand, the sound of his voice, the press of strength against her. She whispered his name again, feeling so exhausted in that moment. "I'm--" It felt like she hadn't slept in days and now it was wanting to drag her under. She wanted to tell him she was tired but instead, her voice, small and weak as a mouse, said, "--sorry." 

ALE

Ale knew Ryan was right and that he had to keep a cool head about it so they could work on her. "I'll be fine. I'm coming with you in the rig" he said, and grabbed his phone, jacket and keys before he locked the door and ran down the stairs to join them. "Shh, don't say anything. You'll be fine, babe." He sat on the side to leave him room to take care of her.

ELIANA

She felt everything whirling around her and the room was suddenly a wash of colors and movement again. Too much so she'd closed her eyes, and it was the worst mistake she could have made. Once her eyes closed, they were too heavy to open. The warmth and darkness was around her again, and it didn't just hold onto her, it tugged. It ripped. It tore. And she felt the moment that everything just stopped.

RYAN

Once Alejandro hopped in and gave him space, thank god, Eliana closed her eyes again. “Hey, El, open your eyes, Hotshot,” he told her firmly and calmly. When she didn’t respond he checked her pulse. Nothing. “Better drive faster, Wilson!” He yelled up front to his partner, instantly putting his hands on Eliana’s and starting chest compression's. He looked over at the other man, almost thankful he was there with him now. “You ever done these before because I’d love a hand,” he replied, keeping up this calm facade. He needed to get the defibrillator going but didn’t want compression's to stop and this was better than asking Wilson to pull over.

ALE

Even though he had promised to stay calm, it was impossible for Ale not to freak out when he saw him doing CPR on her. "What's going on?!" he yelled, a silly question because it was obvious what was going on. He moved up and got to her side. "I have" he said, and soon he was taking over, his hands pressed together on the center of her chest and doing five compression's every time.

RYAN

Once Alejandro was situated doing compression's and Ryan could see that he was doing them properly, he began to get the defibrillator ready. “Stop compression's,” he instructed firmly, not a single note of anything but authority in his voice. When it was clear he delivered a shock. Thank god, her pulse returned and was at a regular rate. He continued treating her for the OD as they pulled into the emergency department of Riverdale General. When Wilson came and helped him unload her he quickly briefed the doctors as they pulled her inside. Before Alejandro followed he grabbed the man’s upper arm. “Hey, good job, alright. No matter what happens right now, you helped get her here.”

ALE

Ale had to fight every impulse his body felt to just break down, instead focusing on doing what he had to. He pulled his hands away when he was told, and the air also came back to his lungs when he heard the beeping of her heartbeat again When they arrived to the hospital he jumped out of the rig and was about to follow her when he felt Ryan's hand on his arm. "Thanks, man. For everything." He nodded at him, then turned around and ran inside. As he walked by the nurses station someone stopped him and asked what was his relation to her, and he said the first thing that came to his mind. "I'm her boyfriend" he said, and with that, he was allowed into the hallway and to where the Trauma room was, although he did have to wait at the door there

[serpentlopez]

What I’ve Done

Who: Eliana, Ryan @firefightingryan (w. mention of @serpenthart)

What: Ryan visit Eli after his shift, recounts the Friday night’s events

When: Nov 9, Evening

Where: Riverdale General.

Notes: TW: mentions of overdose, rehab, child abuse

ASL = anything in bold italics 

RYAN

Ryan's shift came to an end almost as soon as it had started. Luckily, after the call to Sunnyside, once he'd gotten back from the hospital he'd actually been given a chance to eat. It wasn't as good as it would have been hot, nor was it as good as it would have been if Puck had been on shift, but he'd rather have someone looking after Sophia than better food any day of the week. 

Once he was able to leave and head home, he shot Puck a text saying he was going to take a little longer, he had an errand to run. It wasn't exactly a lie, Ryan wasn't too big on lies, he just couldn't exactly give details, not really, not under HIPAA. He swung by the hospital, just before visiting hours were over and got Eliana's room number from a nurse. Still donned in the uniform, not too many people asked questions. 

He found her room with ease and quietly knocked on the door as he opened it, leaning on the door frame. Welcome back, Hotshot, he quickly signed at her, smiling, hoping she was with it enough to catch what he was saying. He stayed where he was, not wanting to invade too much. For all he knew she couldn't even remember he was there, so might not know why he was even here at all.

ELIANA

Eliana had spent most of the day in and out. She hadn't wanted to face what happened after talking to Ale that morning. When she'd woken up that evening, she laid in bed long enough to look out the window and watch the sunset and something about watching it grow darker by the second made her feel a wave of cold fill her. The darkness reminded her too much of the night before. Though she couldn't remember much about it, having blacked out pretty early on, it was that nothingness that it reminded her of. It would be morning when she left for the rehab facility to help her through her detox so she'd asked Ale if he didn't mind getting her some clothes to wear. 

Apparently she'd been admitted in just her bra and pair of pants and that wasn't going to work for her. She wouldn't be gone too long, she kept telling herself, but there was something terrifying about it. She wasn't sure how long she sat in silence when she heard the knock at the door and found herself facing Ryan. Her lips turned up in a smile as she greeted him as she always would, back of her right hand sliding along her left cheek and then right one. Hey handsome. It was only then that she remembered what she'd been told about the previous night. Her face fell slightly. "You were there, weren't you?"

RYAN

Ryan nodded slowly. "I was," he confirmed, walking in and taking a seat next to her bed. "I was on Aid Car last night so, yeah, I was there. And you ... weren't. Not really." He shook his head. In all his years of being a firefighter, he never really ended up on a call that ended up being someone as close to him as Eliana was. Leaning back in the chair he sighed. "I'm going to be frank with you, Ellie, it was touch and go for a hot second there. Alejandro had to perform CPR while I got ready to shock you. You could have died."

ELIANA

She wished she could remember but maybe it was a blessing that she didn't. The counselor who had been in to see her had told her that some people got their memories back, and some never did. Maybe it would be better if she never got them back. Pressing her lips together when he admitted he'd been the one there, Eli lowered her eyes. She wasn't sure she could look at him. It wasn't until he mentioned that Ale had performed CPR on her. "He did what?" 

Now her stomach turned. It wasn't bad enough that she'd overdosed at his home, was taken to the hospital in the Aid Car, but he'd had to help her like that? The sound of those words - you could have died - sent a chill through her body. Eli wasn't sure she could actually ask the question so with shame shimmering in her eyes, she made quick motions to sign her question at him. Could have died, or did die?

RYAN

Ryan took another breath and signed back, both. Before she could get too confused he figured it'd be easier to speak the next part, she was probably still tired and even he wasn't perfect with his sign. "Technically, there's no coming back from proper death, brain death. But ... you went into cardiac arrest, El, and without the proper intervention, you'd be a goner. You're lucky you weren't alone when you took whatever you took to throw you over the edge ... other wise, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. And hey," he said, pausing, putting a finger under her chin so she'd meet his eyes. I'm glad you're still here.

ELIANA

Eliana swallowed the knot in her throat but it sat heavy in the pit of her stomach, almost wishing that he would have said that it was actually no big deal. That maybe Ale had overreacted. But even if she wished that, she knew that she wouldn't be here if that's all it was. She pressed her lips together, knowing that Ryan would tell her exactly what she needed to hear, all the ugly truths from the medical side. 

Looking up at him when he took her attention, Eli fought the feelings that were bubbling in her chest. She was certainly not used to feeling so much and right now she felt everything like a raw nerve being poked constantly. Lucky? she signed, Not lucky. Stupid. It sunk in -- really sunk in. Her heart stopped beating. Ale kept blood pumping while Ryan had to shock her. That was why her skin felt so raw. Very stupid she signed and then without provoking it, or fighting it, her head sunk and tears started to fall down her face.

RYAN

Stupid was an easy way to put it. But no one overdosed for fun, Ryan knew enough to know that. The smartest person in the world could do incredibly stupid things under the right, or realistically wrong, circumstances. "It might have been stupid, El, just don't go thinking that makes you stupid," he told her, grabbing her hand and giving it a squeeze. "We got you back, but now's the tough part. You have to stay back. You have to stop doing whatever you were doing, figure out why you were doing that, and get some help." The road ahead of her wasn't going to be easy, he wasn't kidding about his part being the easy part.

ELIANA

Her emotions had been so all over the place that she couldn't even control it, despite how much Eli hated crying in front of anyone on a normal day. But this was far from a normal day. Wiping her face with the back of her hand, Eli tried to focus her attention across the room. How she could feel so embarrassed around someone who literally had to bring her back to life was a surprise. "I told Ale this morning that I'd go to a rehab place so I can detox. This counselor was in and I had to sign papers for it." Sniffling, Eli shook her head, "I was just trying to have fun. It took away all my bad feelings." It took away more than that, a small voice in her head told her. Thank you, she signed, "for saving my life." I just hope it's worth it, she thought but didn't say.

RYAN

Always. Ryan signed back at her with a comforting smile. Even if it wasn't his actual job to make sure she'd made it to the hospital, he would have done it. Eliana was one of few people who picked up sign language after meeting him, despite that he could communicate mostly verbally, given he had his hearing aids in, without complications. But no, the stubborn woman in front of him, the Hotshot, decided she'd learn and she'd gotten pretty good. He didn't like hearing that she'd had to turn to cocaine to deal with "bad feelings". That ... rubbed him the wrong way. Not being able to help the slight frown on his face, he watched her face closely as he spoke. "What's going on, El? What kind of bad feelings had you running towards coc-..drugs?"

ELIANA

There weren't many people who knew about her past, those dirty little secrets that she had spent the better part of the past ten years trying to push down and hide. Ale had found out after she woke up from a nightmare, screaming and sweating. He'd held her and she broke down, telling him everything. But aside from him, Eli hadn't told anyone until recently. She'd told Charlie in the heat of an argument, and only told Puck to keep from telling him anything else. She stared at Ryan and her stomach clenched. If she told him, would he look at her the way she expected people to look at her - like she was dirty, and damaged. Especially now. She'd been too weak to fight her father and his friends, too weak to take Aidan out, too weak to fight off Derek when his hands were choking her out. And now.. she'd crossed a line with Pastor Wilde. Kitty was right. She was a whore.

Lowering her gaze to the blanket, Eli picked at a thread. "I um.." Could she tell him? Could she stand seeing the look of disgust on his face? Ryan was one of those legitimately good people and for some reason, he didn't see her as South Side Serpent trash, no matter how many times over the years she'd flirted with him shamelessly as she was one to do with most people. But her head was telling her that maybe saying it to Ryan would be easier than saying it to a stranger, to some counselor after her detox. "I wasn't trying to kill myself," she said, struggling against the words. "That counselor asked me like, five times, and I don't want you to think that--" She took a breath, "Do you remember how I told you that I used to live in New York with my family? And I ran away about ten years ago, came to Riverdale, and started over?"

RYAN

Ryan could see the wheels turning in Eliana's head and he let her do her thing. As much as he wanted her to come talk about whatever was really going on, he wasn't about to push it. They were friends, yeah, but he wasn't Alejandro and he wasn't Puckerman and he wasn't one of her Serpent buddies. He was just ... him. But, he hoped she knew that that meant that he could take whatever she might have to say without bias of this side or that side, this gang or that one. When she told him she hadn't been trying to kill herself, he paused. He hadn't even thought about it being a suicide attempt, and maybe that was bad on him. He didn't think he could ever see Ellie killing herself, even after this mess. 

He hushed her, kindly, hopefully just letting her know that he couldn't think that if he wanted to. Ryan nodded, he remembered that vaguely. They didn't typically talk about her past, or all that much about his that wasn't strictly work related, rescue or crazy fire stories. He wasn't exactly sure they were that kind of friends, which was fine. But, if she was bringing it now, that obviously meant something. "Yeah," he replied. "You might have to bring me up to speed again, I think it's been a while, but that rings a bell. Something in your past coming to haunt you lately?"

ELIANA

Every word that she started to speak made her heart race and she wasn't sure she could do this. But thankfully he worded things in a way that made it easy for her to just nod her head. Maybe details were a little too much right now. And even as she opened her mouth to talk, she had a small voice in her head tell her that he might even know her father. He was the CEO and Chief of Surgery at this hospital, after all. She swallowed, her throat suddenly dry. 

My father, she started, signing because it was easier than speaking it out loud. He was a bad guy. He let his friends-- But then she stopped, not sure how to sign the rest. A brief confusion crossed her face to try and remember but she wasn't sure she ever learned it. "--have me," she finished in a quick breath, deciding to rip it off like a bandaid. "I've.. always felt.. helpless," Eli said as she looked down. "A bunch of things have happened lately that kind of.. made me feel that way again." She swat angrily at a dumb tear that slipped out of her eye. "I didn't feel that way anymore when I got high. It went away, made me feel.. I don't know.. fearless, I guess."

RYAN

Ryan watched attentively as she signed, and even when she paused, he had an idea of what she was going to say. As calm and steady as he'd told himself he was going to be, he couldn't help shaking his head at the mention of such a disgusting act. Who could do that to their child? He looked at the woman in front of him and his heart sank. The shame was so evident, shame that didn't belong with her. Carefully, not wanting to cause alarm or panic, he placed his hand on the side of her head. "You are anything but helpless, Hotshot. You came back to us, with a little help, sure, but you came back." He caught another tear with his thumb and placed his hand back down with hers, not wanting to make her uncomfortable in any way. "A healthy amount of fear keeps us safe, El. I'd hate to see that taken away from you."

ELIANA

If she hadn't been so embarrassed about what she'd told him, Eliana might have been a little more focused on the fact that's she'd actually told him. Of course she left some things out. Left out how young she'd been, what they did, or how her father would usually stand by the door to make sure his friends were happy with her. And she completely left out the fact that when she tried to stop it from happening, he'd hit her, made her bleed, and that her mother ignored the bruises. But everything was built up behind her strong facade and she knew that she was a liar. She wasn't a bad ass like she pretended. She wasn't strong. She was broken and useless. She hadn't been able to protect herself back then, she couldn't protect Charlie or Dare, or the kids. She couldn't protect any of them from Derek. What good was she aside from getting high and having sex? 

A small smile crossed her lips, forced as it was, when he said she'd come back because it didn't feel like it. It felt like they just hadn't let her go. "Well," she said at the mention of fear, "I feel plenty of it now. The counselor kept telling me the next couple days are going to be really hard. What if.." Eli stopped herself but she needed to know, "What if I can't do it?"

RYAN

Ryan shrugged, making an over exaggerated thinking face, one he's probably used on Sophia too many times to count. "You don't really have much choice, do you?" He asked her. "You either get through this, as tough as it's going to be, knowing you're not alone. Or, there's the other option and you don't get through it and you're scared and in pain and being reckless and hurting people for the rest of your life. And I only see one option here." The more he spoke, the more he needed her to believe it. It was clear she had to work through a lot, had to find a reason to do that, because it was going to be hard. You are strong, he signed to her slowly, even though he knew she'd get it. "Plus, I'd hate to see all my hard work go to waste, helping you come back and all."

ELIANA

When he said the part about hurting other people, it struck a chord within her. Ale had been there for her since she got to Riverdale. They'd been there for each other, working on cars, laughing, leaning on each other. Her life had always made so much sense when they were together. And then to hear that he'd done CPR on her -- that she'd forced him into that position. Yet he was still here. Still sitting with her, still holding her hand, it meant more to her than anything. And maybe that's what she needed to remember if this week really was going to be as hard as she was told it would. 

Eli wasn't so much sure she believed that she was strong but the fact he told her made a difference, to know someone as good as Ryan thought something like that about her. "I'd never want to waste your hard work," she said in a slightly playful tone even though she didn't feel it all. Her heart already ached for what she was going to ask him. "Ry.. can you tell me everything? I--I think I need to hear it, and hear what I put him through." She hadn't said Ale's name but she knew he knew. She needed the ugly details to hold onto and remind herself why she was going through detox when it got hard.

RYAN

Normally, Ryan would have probably declined her request. People shouldn't know exactly what they went through, especially if their body, or their friends, had decided to leave them a little fuzzy on the details. But he also knew Eliana and that despite how she was probably feeling right now, she was tough as nails and she probably did need to know for herself, he certainly had once he'd awoken from his lifesaving surgery. "Well, for one, your call interrupted my third attempt at the dinner Miller had made, so thanks for that," Ryan teased, knowing starting light was the best way to go in the moment. "But the call came in a little before midnight, we knew it was an overdose but obviously, going in, I didn't know it was you. Alejandro was a mess, but everyone's focus was on you and I swear, not three seconds into me trying to evaluate you, you seized, which wasn't helping him," Ryan knew that Eliana would know exactly what him he was referring to, "stay calm at all. But he stayed. He stayed and he held your hand and we kept you from hurting yourself or choking. Then, you kinda came to, but I have a feeling you don't remember that, which is normal. Got you loaded in the rig to bring you here and you coded. Because Alejandro knew how to do chest compressions, I didn't have to get Wilson to pull over and help me out when I got everything ready to give you the shock you needed." Ryan took a breath. It wasn't too often he recounted calls with anyone other than his crew so he figured stopping there was good enough. She didn't need numbers or jargon, but she needed to know how her actions had affected someone she'd loved. She needed a wake up call, and she seemed to know that, so he was going to do his best to give that to her. "If he'd been any less okay, you might not be here, Hotshot. Remember that."

ELIANA

Eliana appreciated him trying to make this a little easier, and all that did was tell her just how little she was going to like what he had to say. "Well, we both know I'm awful with timing." For instance, it had taken her way too long to realize she even had feelings let alone had them for Ale. She was pretty sure her friends knew before she did. She listened, feeling an unknowable ache settle inside of her as she played the moments out in her head. She hadn't even remembered midnight, her last memory of hours before, of a club with bright lights and free drinks. The pretty girls always got free drinks. And the drugs. Her cocaine, someone else's pills, the mixture taking her higher than she'd felt before it all went black. 

Her gaze averted from his face when he said she'd seized and how Ale reacted. He'd held onto her the whole time. That's why she hadn't gone, she thought. He hadn't let her go. Her eyes closed when he said she'd come to - none of that in her memories at all. But she could picture it. Especially after all that. Especially before her heart stopped. It was such a strange thing to say. Her heart stopped. He'd had to help keep her alive, God, what kind of monster was she? To put someone who had always taken such good care of her through all of this.

Nodding at his final words, Eli looked back up at him and everything weighed on her heavily. She reached up, wiped her eyes, and then pressed her head back against the pillow. "Thank you," she said, and somehow deep down she knew that she'd make it through this week, no matter how hard it was, if only to show Ale everything he'd done was worth it, that keeping her alive hadn't been a mistake. Eli didn't know how to make it up to him but she'd find a way. Somehow.

RYAN

The conversation was a heavy one and Ryan could see how it was affecting Eliana. Seeing her cry was a little bit of a trip, but that being said, he’d probably be more concerned if she wasn’t crying right about now. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss on her forehead, giving her shoulder a quick squeeze. “Don’t worry about it, El,” he replied as he sat back down and shot her a small smile. “All that matters now is that you get better. I did the leg work to keep you alive, now this is your marathon.”

ELIANA

"You sure you don't want to do it for me?" She asked, the nervous building inside of her. She was afraid of what this week was going to hold but thinking back to the conversation she had with Ale that morning kept replaying in her mind. At the end of it, she saw his face, the one that looked like he'd seen a ghost, and she knew she needed to do this. For herself, sure, but also for him. "I'm leaving in the morning," she said. "But the counselor told me it should only be a couple days. Hopefully I'll be home soon." Looking at the door when she heard footsteps, she waited to see if it was Ale but the steps went past the door. "He should be back any minute. I don't know why when he could just cut off the excess baggage but.. it means a lot that he stayed with me. After what I did to him."

RYAN

Ryan smirked at her comment. Truth be told, if he could do it for her, he would. Recovering from a life altering instance was hard enough, that he knew, but this would be more. “You will,” he nodded. “You’re tough as nails, whether you believe that or not right now.” He noticed her glance towards the hallway, clearly waiting for Alejandro to return, and he didn’t know if that was his cue to take off or not. “He’ll be back because that’s what you do for the people you love, El.”

ELIANA

Eli was going to argue because love wasn't one of those words you just drop, especially in this situation, and even moreso after everything she'd put Ale through. That wasn't something anyone could feel for a person as monumentally fucked up as she was. But the energy to fight wasn't there. Instead she just nodded and lay her head back on the pillow because even though all the confusion and second guessing, all the wanting and hoping, it all came down to one simple thing that she'd never admitted to anyone much less herself. 

She was capable of love, and she did love. She loved very much and she'd just hurt the person she had those feelings for. If he'd come back for her, she'd come back for him too. That's just what you do. Thank you, she signed, almost too exhausted from everything to want to talk out loud anymore. For saving her. For being her friend. For believing she would get through this -- for everything. Then Eli smiled softly and tried to let her body relax. She had a feeling the upcoming week was going to be anything but relaxing.