We've been sitting on our asses too long
ok so we all recently admitted to one another that we dont really know what we're doing at all whatsoever (what did we make this for) and i think it's about time we threw the baby bird out of the nest and told it to fly, you little motherfucker, fly. yes, this is exactly what i'm doing right now.
we all had drafts like this btw that were meant to happen the day before the session and mine was supposed to be released third but given my intents and purposes i've decided to just fuck that shit. and since i've introduced my character, from this point on call me elisa, thank you very much.
-Elisa
So there's this pretty cool dude, ok? Alright so she's technically a girl but like who cares. Girls can be called dude too and you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who gave a damn. Whatever. But yeah. There's this girl who's also a pretty cool dude. Or. She guesses she might be, depending on like her mood and shit. She likes to imagine herself as being a smooth as fuck motherfucker, though perhaps suitably distant. Anyway, she's sitting around being all chill, like cool dudes are known to do sometimes. Maybe shuffling around a bit every so often for no reason in particular. A cool girl like this probably has a really cool name and whatnot. Or at least a name that doesn't sound like her uncle was high on something when he first thought of it. Not that her uncle would actually BE high on something, he stays away from drugs and restrains the drinking to wine or the odd beer every once in a while on special occasions. Unless it's like the sacramental wine or something, which is naturally given a free pass. Maybe just an awkward-sounding name that makes you wonder why he'd pick something like that at worst. Either way, she probably wouldn't just tell you what it was if you asked. She'd be way too aloof for that. And busy for that matter. Busy trying to listen to an overly-long homily that she'll probably forget what was being said within about 15 minutes anyway not to say she shouldn't at least try paying attention.
You could always try to guess her name. Preferably at a better time than in the middle of a mass wherein she is actually free to dick around. Not like you could give her a bunch of especially stupid commands at this point or anything. Here, let's skip to a couple hours later at which point trying to introduce her at that particular moment is considerably less of a stupid dumb idea. (Tip: read that with no vitriol whatsoever, the actual words should carry enough sarcasm in themselves.)
Okay, now let's try to guess this bitch's name and try to be her. There. Now give us a name.
>Hipster Flowsti_
She pulls the floating meta placronym down to arm level with the handle of an umbrella before you can finish typing, grabs the placronym in question, takes a marker, writes something, and then shoves the placronym into your screen hard enough to leave a medium-sized crack in it, because if you expected her to actually let you pull off this sort of bullshit you are probably an imbecile. Don't think she didn't know you'd try it. That's what everyone does when they name video game characters. You can see that she wrote the words 'no, and also ew' using the marker.
Alright now let's get serious and take an actual guess. You got it? Okay good.
>Elisa Fonseca
Alright, well your name is ELISA. As can be inferred by previous events, it is a SUNDAY. It is also the last such Sunday you will have on EARTH before BETA TESTING THE FIRST VIDEO GAME IN RECORDED HUMAN HISTORY TO HAVE DIRECT PHYSICAL EFFECTS ON THE REAL WORLD. It will also be the last, not that you would know that at the moment. For now you're just psyched to be involved in what you expect to be a technological revolution. Though much like your friends/coplayers-to-be you appear on the outside to be SEVERELY UNDERREACTING to the fact. You tend to do that with a lot of things, really. Or just plain flip your shit. It should be noted that for you there is NO MIDDLE GROUND between either of those two reactions.
About your room are a number of POSTERS. Said posters are for various SERIES WHO'S FANDOMS YOU LURK IN. These fandoms compose the bulk of your INTERESTS, and many if not most of said fandoms are known for containing COSMIC HORROR ELEMENTS. You will say, though, any lack of such elements can be more than made up for by the simple act of INCLUDING GOOD QUALITY CHARACTERS. In addition to these, you like to program computers, but you are KNOWN TO KINDA SUCK AT IT. Not that that'll stop you or anything. Hell, you already know enough html to make a small website, and it won't take many more lessons on ~ath before you can make a package of candy corn appear every time someone does something stupid. You should TOTALLY DO THAT SOMETIME after you've figured out how, assuming of course that you don't END UP JUST SITTING ON YOUR LAZY ASS as you do with most of your projects. Like FANFIC OR FANART for those fandoms we mentioned like 2 years ago or something, or the similarly exciting art of BASELESS SPECULATION. You tend to like doing both of those things when you don't get too lazy to complete them, and when it's hot you like to SWIM in the POOL provided by your apartment complex. Apart from that, you confess you have a MODERATE TO SEVERE OBSESSION WITH TECHNOLOGY, which may have something to do with the fact that it is your main means of lurking in fandoms and you much prefer the company of your chumroll to most so-called 'real life people'. Not to say you don't CARE ABOUT THOSE PEOPLE on a basic level, particularly coupled with the fact that you are also MILDLY RELIGIOUS, even if that USUALLY DOESN'T AMOUNT TO MUCH unless it somehow manages to be ACTUALLY IMMEDIATELY RELEVANT TO YOU, which isn't very often. At all.
Your first instinct, being in your room, is to wander to your laptop and message your chums, and probably screw with them a bit. But nope, a quick look at your pesterchum app reveals they're not on. Internet bullshit it is, then. You venture to a POKÉMON BATTLE SIMULATOR and use it in a predictable matter.
It proves to be a bit of an off day for you. In a random battle, a guy gets lucky with critical hits from a honedge. In ubers, your darkrai gets frozen twice in a row. In ou, about half your opponents forfeit like a bunch of suckers without even putting up that great a fight.
But hey, what are you gonna do. You're not gonna just stop playing or anything. For one, that's for whiny chumps, and on another more important note you just plain love those little pokemons too much. Especially when it comes to the mystery dungeon sets, wherein you're like a KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR to them, bringing them HOPE AND ALL THAT SHIT. (*obligatory gti joke*)
Well, maybe not shining armor, because sure, that's totally a thing that's actually reasonably possible (pfft), but you're ok you think. Usually. Something like that.
After a suitable amount of dicking around as to bring your player character back to Pokéverse, you get bored of the battle simulators and instead DICK AROUND WITH SOME VISUAL NOVEL. Dicking around seems to be your specialty. You need to learn to do productive things. But anyway, you start reading this vn, which you admittedly SPOILED TO YOURSELF a long time ago due to having difficulty getting it to work. You blame your old computer. Thing was always freezing. God, you're glad your UNCLE gave you this new one. Anyway, the novel is supposedly some brainbreaking variant of an And Then There Were None-style mystery, with a bunch of ambiguously symbolic fantasy to scare people off while still providing a bunch of backhanded clues. Not that you've ever actually READ And Then There Were None, but it doesn't matter. You gained the masochistic urge to read this thing at the word 'brainbreaking'.
Click. Read. Click. Read. God, you forgot how long this first arc is supposed to be. Okay, so you didn't really forget per se, you always knew. It just NEVER REALLY SANK IN UNTIL JUST NOW.
Blah blah blah inheritance blah blah witch blah blah blah postmodernism blah--wait where are you going?
Oh. Satisfying cravings. Ok.
You think you probably shouldn't be SNACKING RANDOMLY OUT OF BOREDOM but refuse to give a fuck because who doesn't love CHIPS? POPCORN, of course, is better, but you don't have any as of today and you don't feel like asking your uncle to get you some. You're about to reach out and grab it off the table when said uncle suddenly zaps in (speak of the devil), and before you've fully processed his sudden appearance he's holding the bag away from you and insisting on playing a few games of arimaa real quick.
Your shoulders fall slightly. He's been asking you about three times a week for about three weeks and you don't want to turn him down, but frankly it's starting to bore you a little.
All of his moves are carefully calculated, unlike yours which are mostly based off your own whims. You're not trying that hard, to be honest. That's a thing you save for when your passion burns bright like the sun. Or at least significantly brighter than it is now, which is not at all. You guess he probably wants to teach you careful planning and understanding of one's opponents and such, but you're honestly not all that into it, and in any case the effectiveness of his efforts constantly moves across some metaphorical sliding scale at all times anyway. These games go on for about an hour and a half upon which he achieves best out of five.
Yeah, that's cool. Okay.
Your urge to stuff your body with junk food forgotten, you return once again to your laptop, and still no one is on. Kind of a crying shame, really, given how quickly quiet sets in around you, and with it a sense of boredom. And maybe also a little bit of lack. Maybe. You're not sure what exactly it is that always invades the air, which ever settles around you whilst you are not being harassed by, say, a relative insistent on playing an ever-familiar strategy game, or the colored text of distant friends that you understand you may perhaps never meet in person for years to come. And as you return your attention to the vn and once again become irritated by its length, an ever-present thought finds its way to your conscious brain. The thought of how you wish you had a cool and, dare you say it, influential story to tell, or even just for something to legitimately bug you, and assure you that you understand genuine sensation. Your life is kinda boring, something that you can't confess...(you're glad you didn't say that out loud).
"We must believe then, that as from hence we see Saturn and Jupiter; if we were in either of the Two, we should discover a great many Worlds which we perceive not; and that the Universe extends so in infinitum." -Mark Russell
You are absolutely certain Mark Russell said that.
Someone finally pesters you, and you answer on cue.